Dead Man's Coin
by N. Reynolds
Summary: My first (uncompleted) attempt at a real story. Title subject to change. One chapter per story day. Too much happens to summarize (I have a 9K summary :) This and "Bitter Memories" are the stories I most need comments on.
1. (there is nothing before this chapter!)

Author's Note:  
  
This is the first of the longer stories I've never finished. While I still  
want to continue it, I've run into a huge stumbling block. But I'll discuss  
that more later.  
  
This story starts with a summary of a fictitious earlier chapter. This chapter  
was never written, as it had nothing to do with the story I wanted to write,  
so I just summarized the situation. Since up to that point everything should  
have been easy to imagine with all of the characters behaving in character.  
  
It is only after the story starts that Ranma is supposed to act out of  
character (OOC) due to the outside influences on him (Hopefully everyone else  
is in character; Ranma is supposed to be acting slightly strange). The whole  
intent of the story was to explore Ranma's changes, and imply or highlight a  
similar condition that actually exists in an amusing, and upbeat manner. The  
characters, and hopefully the reader wern't supposed to spot the analogous  
condition until week 3 or 4 of the story, so I won't mention what it is here.  
  
While I'll probably title this something like "Dead Man's Coin," or some other  
bit of pretentious rot, The working title in my mind has always been "The  
Black Dog." There's no dog anywhere in the story, it was an obscure reference  
to something Winston Churchhill was said to have said, which has stuck with  
me. That's your last hint, and it's soooo small that if it helps anybody at  
all to guess it, I'll be shocked.  
  
  
Unfortunately, while I intended to flit about the real point of the story while  
I worked on the plot of the story, the plot of the story is what's all but  
killed this story from continuing. I want to write (and have partially  
written) things that happen in the story in the future, but at the point where  
the story stops, I have no idea what comes next.  
  
I feel some new element of chaos is due to enter Nerima and that the  
characters should be dealing with this while the real story goes on in the  
background. Similarly to the way the original show/manga often had some drama  
going on, while the idiot/fight of the week was going on in the foreground.  
  
I've tried twice to force something to get past my block, but they were  
horrible. (Although one of the attempts made the basis for another story,  
where the idea worked well by itself.) So until an idea comes to me that fits,  
this story is in cold storage, and has been for some time.  
  
  
I welcome suggestions. In the past, some of my best ideas were sparked by  
suggestions, although they rarely look like what the suggester intended. While  
it may not look like I'm listening to the idea being given, in reality I'm  
immensely greatful, as they often provide the impetus for making something  
that is obviously done by me, but that I wouldn't have stumbled on, on my own.  
  
For example, the title to the story I always refered to as "Bastard" (my  
opinion of Genma, and not a mention to the manga of the same name, or of  
Nodoka's infedelity), and put up on fanfic.net as "I can't think of anything  
nasty enough." I received a suggestion from Stephen (injnuity@nwi.net) which I  
hope he doesn't mind me posting here, as it's publically viewable in the  
reviews of that story, where he suggests "Torn", or "Torn Asunder". I liked  
the idea for the reasons he presented, and because of how it fit Ranma's  
family situation (his separation from his mother), but I didn't like the word  
"Torn" as it sounded too passive, like it was an accident. I was thinking  
about "Ripped" (and thinking about it only because of Stephen's suggestions)  
when I gravitated to the Macbeth Quote "From His Mother's Womb Untimely  
Ripp'd" which conveyed everything I wanted. For me it's a perfect  
title. Pretentious, applicable, tripple entendre, and didn't give away the  
story.  
  
If any of you have ideas for a better title for this, or suggestions for how  
this should continue past day 18, PLEASE, PLEASE send them to me. While I  
probably wont use them in the form they're sent to me, they're like gold to me  
in terms of getting my mind working, or past a block like the one I have in  
this story.  
  
If I don't receive anything, this story will peter out, never finished. I'll  
eventually post the story fragments and ideas behind the story, and leave it  
incomplete if that happens, but I'd really like to finish this as it was my  
first story that was more than a short story. Right now it's about the length  
of a smaller paperback book, and it's only halfway done.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dead Man's Coin  
  
  
Trouble pursues Shampoo  
What has gone before:  
Cologne has received a message from home about the theft of an ancient treasure of their tribe, the `dying man coin', by a long-time rival of Shampoo, named Peroxide. This coin was only used when the Nyuchezuu tribe was in danger of serious loss, or defeat, because it's use invariably lead to insanity and death in the user. If it weren't for these drawbacks, Cologne wouldn't have dared asking Ranma for help, because otherwise the coin would have been a dream-come-true for Ranma.  
The coin binds to the wearer, and increases the wearer's speed of thought, boosts the wearer's energy, Increases the wearers ability to come up with non-obvious solutions, and makes the wearer male. It was traditionally worn by a leader, who had resigned herself to death, before facing an enemy of the Nyuchezuu tribe, and was one of the reasons the amazons weren't often attacked by other Chinese tribes. The coin wasn't coveted by the Amazon's neighbors, because it would only bond to a woman.  
Peroxide intended to kill Shampoo, and force Cologne to make Peroxide heir to the clan. The coin boosted Peroxide to the point where she could easily beat Shampoo, and might have a chance to beat Cologne. Unfortunately for Peroxide, she wore the coin right after stealing it, and during the long journey to Japan, had gone mad as a hatter. Mad enough to frighten Kodachi and Azusa.  
After a long battle, causing major property damage, a semi-paralyzed Peroxide (from Cologne's use of shiatzu points) succumbed to a heart failure while simultaneously being hit by Ranma's mouko takabisha and Ryouga's shishi houkoudan. Heart attack being the traditional death arising from using the coin.  
Ranma retrieves the coin from the corpse of Peroxide, but before he can return it to the semi-conscious Cologne, the long repressed hostilities between these uneasy allies resurfaces, and inevitably, Ranma winds up in the canal, still holding the coin.  
* * *  
Story begins:  
A male Ranma surfaces from the canal. "Why can't I land on something hard and pointed? Why is it always water?" he mutters. Surprised by his voice, he examines himself, and shouts "I'm cured!" Then he looks at his right palm, and sees the coin affixed to it, and whispers "I'm going to die."  
After reviving, the weary survivors trudge to the Tofu clinic. Cologne isn't in the best of shape, and is being carried by Shampoo. Ranma is a pale white, with Ukyou and Akane hovering around him. Ryouga is carrying the corpse of Peroxide.  
Even the Kunos are quiet. Something about facing an insane person who can out fight the lot of them combined without receiving an injury. Realizing the only reason they won is because their enemies heart gave out. And now they may have to go through the same thing with Ranma later. Well, that's enough to quiet even Tatewaki.  
While Tofu sees to the injured, two policemen take the statements of those recovering in the waiting room, or those waiting for the others (yes, even in the Takahashi universe, the police are needed when someone dies in combat). An ambulance comes to remove the body, as Ranma comes out of the examination room, along with the policemen who were getting his statement.  
Cologne asks the officers what kind of trouble is likely to result from the death. The policemen are pretty optimistic "Well, assuming everything checks out, this should pass quickly. We'd like a statement from her home family documenting her change in behavior. But otherwise, she's an illegal alien who matches the description of a petty thief that stole food along a line from the coast to here, and was occasionally heard to make threats about killing someone in Chinese. She's dead, but there isn't a mark on her, so even though you are all martial artists and should have better control over yourselves in dealing injury, your responsibility for the death will likely be ruled minor. You'll all have to verify this before a judge, but he'll probably rule you all as witnesses defending the town." With that, the police leave, and everyone gathers around Cologne, Tofu, and Ranma.  
Cologne asks Ranma "did the coin stick to you before you fell into the canal?"  
"No, before I entered the water it seemed like just a normal coin."  
"Ranchan, how do you feel?"  
"Actually very well. Not like I just went through that fight. Sure I'm bruised, and a bit bloodied, but I feel ready for more."  
"That's typical of the workings of the coin," Cologne adds, "let's hope it detaches when we pour hot water on you."  
This is tried (Although the Kunos don't understand why), but the coin doesn't loosen. Ranma comments "Suddenly I feel like this afternoon has caught up with me."  
"Is `dying man coin' going to kill Ranma, great grandmother?" Shampoo demanded. "I don't know child. If it weren't for his curse, it wouldn't have affected him at all. For a normal girl it would take somewhere between three months to a year to be fatal. In Ranmas case, he should probably last at least that long before being in danger. We have a good deal of time to think about this, and to find a way to remove it before it becomes a danger to Ranma. Right now the biggest danger is in getting into a fight with him, he's stronger than he realizes, and might do more damage than he intends."  
Ranma considers this, and adds "In that case, lets worry about this tomorrow. I'll come by the Nekohanten tomorrow after school to see you, Cologne. Right now I just want a full night's sleep." Doctor Tofu adds "Thats probably the best idea, but Ranma, I'd like to see you daily for a while, to monitor your health."  
With that, everyone heads for home. The usually thoughtless bunch, suddenly thoughtful over the possible death of Ranma in the not-distant-enough future.  
When Ranma and Akane return to the dojo, Ranma crawls upstairs to bed. Akane, who was relatively uninjured inspite of her attempts to prove herself to the others (due to Ranma's overprotectiveness), stays up, and explains what happened to the rest of the family over dinner (Yes, Ranma is sleeping through dinner; it was an exhausting fight). Soun is weeping openly about the fate of the dojo. Genma would have begun plotting something stupid now that Ranma is male, but that proved too much for his concentration; Genma was too busy worrying over his son's upcoming death, and trying to eat his and his son's portion of dinner.  
With all of the major violent characters (barring Happosai, who hadn't been seen in a few days) in a subdued mood, or outright exhausted, the evening passed quietly.  
* * * 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning began as a typical day. Ranma and Genma are practicing above the carp pool, Akane returns from her morning jog, Soun reads the paper, and Kasumi announces breakfast is ready. Ranma, recovered from yesterday's battle launches his last attack of the morning at Genma. But instead of letting the two of them fly apart, Ranma cancels Genma's momentum with his own, and they both fall into the pond. Genma, as panda, stands up in the pool, while the male Ranma leaps out shouting "It's great to be a guy!"  
Akane seems a bit subdued during breakfast, but Ranma is eating like there's no tomorrow, consuming as much of his father's food as he can.  
On the way to school, Ranma doesn't seem content with running on the fence, but does some flying kicks, leaps, and flips while running along the top of the fence. Akane asks "What's come over you, all of a sudden?" "I dunno. I feel so optimistic today. I'll get this coin removed before it kills me, and now I don't change into a girl. Also I feel great, all my pains from yesterday are gone. I feel as light as a feather. Yesterday we won against a major threat. Happosai hasn't shown up for a while. And I haven't had to fight with anyone besides my dad. We've already passed the point Shampoo usually lands on me, so this morning the only one left is Kuno. Today I could take him blindfolded."  
"Remember to be careful today, your strength may be more than you expect." Akane added.  
"I thought about that, but everything seemed normal when I fought my dad this morning."  
Luckily for Tatewaki, his sprained ankle delayed his arrival at school until shortly after Ranma and Akane's arrival. Ranma and Akane actually arrived early to class. This, combined with Akane's abnormal mood (i.e. she wasn't furious with Ranma this morning) started the entire class gossiping. The combined opinion of the class being that this must either be the calm before the storm, or the calm after the storm, and hopefully yesterdays ruckus qualified, so that maybe they were safe for a while.  
Classes went reasonably normally that day, except that Shampoo didn't show up for lunch, so no lunchtime battle ensued, and Ranma didn't fall asleep during any of his classes. That isn't to say he paid attention, mind you, that would have been a major change in the status quo.  
* * *  
After the last class Ranma asked Akane "I'm going over to the Nekohanten to see Cologne, would you rather get into a fight with Shampoo, or mad at me for entering the cat's den alone?" "Ranma no BAKA", but before Akane can injure Ranma, Ukyou interrupts with "I think it would be better to hear from Cologne what she knows about the coin, and whether it can be removed in time." This reminder of Ranma's mortality quiets Akane, and the three leave for the Nekohanten."  
Ranma's mood however doesn't seem to be diminished. During school he had been hit twice with cold water, and remained male. His happy mood was infectious, and by the time they reached the Nekohanten Ukyou and Akane were openly smiling.  
Shampoo, however, looked grim. She had spent most of her time that day helping her grandmother research the `dying man coin', and couldn't find any mention of someone not dying after they used the coin. Cologne proceeded to check Ranma's reflexes through a bit of sparring, and through an exercise best described as pattycake, but played while using the tenshin amaguriken. Through it all, Ranma continued to smile. "I've never gone that fast before, even as a girl!"  
"That is why the coin is such a fiercesome weapon, Son-in-law. If it weren't for the inevitable consequences, everyone would want to wear it. How do you feel?" "Like I'm ready to take on Happosai, or swim to china again, but just for fun! The world is a bright and friendly place."  
"Son-in-law, you are suffering the effects of the coin. Well, suffering might be the wrong word here. But it seems to be affecting you just as strongly as if you were a normal female. At this point I don't know of any way to remove it, and if we don't remove it, you will die. You have great energy, and speed, but your body wasn't designed to take the strain on it that you now can. You're burning your candle way too brightly, and without care you'll die in a glorious burst. You can probably do nearly anything now, but you'd be pushing yourself to death. I need time to find a method of removing the coin. You have to decide now if you plan to use the coin to fight your strongest foes, and die in a fast fire consuming your life, or limit yourself to your normal levels, and extend the time I can find a cure."  
"Ranchan, please don't use this, If you live a normal lifetime, you can keep improving. I don't want to lose you just for glory." "Ukyou's right, Ranma" Akane added "If you use your new strength this way, you've doomed yourself."  
"OK, what should I do to extend my life?"  
"Good choice son-in-law. This may sound trite, but eat plenty of food, and get good nights sleep. All you need to do is avoid putting extra strain on your system. Don't push yourself as hard as you can, because the coin will allow you to push yourself as hard as you want until you die. Don't try to prove you're better than Happosai, and don't swim to China. You can beat up your father, or Ryouga, or Mousse as much as you'd like. Visiting Dr. Tofu regularly is a very good idea, even if you are feeling healthy. He can warn you better than your body will if you are pushing yourself. I'd visit him after any major fights as well, and before them if you get enough warning."  
"Oh man, this is going to be a pain." Ranma complained, "But at least I'll stay male, and feel great during the interim."  
"One more thing, son-in-law, your judgment of your exertions is likely to be flawed. Between your body telling you you are fine, and your euphoria, you are likely to go farther than you should. If you can, you should take other people's advice when you are using your own strength, and when you are pushing yourself. You girls are probably the best choices to watch him. You're around him constantly, and are well aware of his limits. This won't be a problem right away, but it will gradually become necessary, so watch out for it. Son-in-law, hopefully we'll cure you of this, but if we don't then you've about a year to live. Life gains preciousness because it is fleeting. For you it flows more swiftly still. You must find value in life to match its flow. Come Shampoo, I've another set of scrolls that you should read that might help."  
The remaining trio proceed to Dr. Tofu's clinic, each trying to think how they'd live their life if they only had a year left. They relay all of Cologne's information to the doctor, all of which he agrees with. He adds "With preventive care along the way, and medical treatments toward the limits of this problem, we should be able to extend your life, but without a cure, you may be in the unfortunate position of knowing your death is inevitable. Most teenagers feel in the back of their mind that death is a long way off, or only happens to other people. You've faced death before, but it was something that you could fight your way out of. When this starts to bother you, please bring it up so we can talk about it. I've spent time with others who expected death, so I can hopefully help. And, of course, Cologne may find a cure in time."  
As the trio left the clinic on that glum note, Ranma surprised his fiancees by saying "Lets do something!" Akane asks "What, Ranma?"  
"I don't care. The last things I want to do right now are tomorrow's homework, or stew over what might happen in a year from now. Besides, I'm so full of energy, I feel I'm about to burst. Also I can't remember another 24 hours when I've spent so much time with both of you that someone didn't get angry. I couldn't stand sitting in a movie theater. Is there a fair nearby? How about an amusement park?"  
"Ranchan, it's a Wednesday night. I can't think of anything like that open tonight." "Damn, I don't suppose either of you knows how a guy could dance with two ladies without upsetting one of them, besides I don't really know how to dance. Maybe the three of us could go on a training trip together soon. No, The parents would throw a fit, any females left out would try to join, and all of the males would pursue to kill me for being an enemy of womankind. Am I talking faster than normal?"  
"Yes you are, Ranma." Akane replied, "I was considering tying a string to your ankle to keep you from floating off. I've never seen you so energetic."  
"Aww, Cologne's sure to find a cure. She's great at these magic items stuff, and she's the most devious and persistent person around. Remember how she got me to waitress for her? And now she's working to find my cure. I've got a year, she's bound to succeed. Meanwhile, I'm free of my curse, and I feel great. I've got doctor's orders to get more food and sleep, and I haven't been pummeled all day. The one thing Cologne said that got me to thinking was that I should make the most out of the time I have without overexerting myself. So I'm looking for something fun to do besides beating Kuno up. Anyway that only takes seconds to do. Do you think I could learn to dance? Where *IS* the nearest amusement park? Do you think we could go this weekend? We'd have to keep it a bit quiet, or it'll turn into a brawl. We could go, have fun, *THEN* announce it, then fight everyone! Lets keep this idea quiet. Maybe we could go after school on Saturday, or maybe Sunday. If we each left separately, and met at the gate we might be able to do it without being followed! Come on, lets try it!"  
"O-OK, Ranchan. I'll find a park, and give you two the address in school tomorrow. I've got to go feed the evening crowd, and do my schoolwork for tomorrow. See ya."  
They said their goodbyes, and Ukyou left for home. Akane and Ranma proceeded to their home. Akane was a bit overwhelmed by Ranma's tendency to talk a mile a minute. She felt conversationally off balance. She was still trying to understand that Ranma might die soon, and here he was acting more cheerful than she had ever seen him. Ranma seemed oblivious to her mood, as usual, but this didn't infuriate her yet, because SHE was still unsure of her mood. She was also having trouble keeping up with all of the ideas he was suggesting. She just realized she had passively agreed to going to an amusement park with Ranma and Ukyou that weekend when Ranma interrupted her train of thought with  
"Say, Akane, do you think it'd be safe for me to see my mother now? Dad's still a panda, but she never made him promise not to become an endangered animal. As long as I've got this coin I'm gonna remain a guy. I'd really like to see her as myself, not as Ranko. Should we explain Ranko to her? If I'm cured she'd forgive the deception. But the cure won't last if I want to live. How do you think she'll take my imminent death? If I get this coin removed, do you think she'd want me to commit seppuku? I can tell her about the curse later. If I need to, we can take another training trip after removing the coin. At least I'll be able to see my mother for the next year. I think if Cologne found the cure tomorrow I'd wait a few months before taking it."  
At this point Ranma became quiet again, continuing his thoughts in his head, not realizing the confused state he was leaving Akane in.  
As they were reaching the Tendo home, Akane finally had almost worked out two coherent thoughts `I don't like being confused' and `It is Ranma's fault I'm confused.' But before Akane could compete this syllogism and deliver the long overdue malletting, Ranma again stirred up Akane's brain  
"Glad we're home, dinner sure smells good. Can't wait. Remember the amusement park is a secret. I was going to come up with an excuse for pop, but I'll just say nothing and leave when no one's looking. After we're back they can ask as many questions as they like. It'll be best to explain what the doctor said to them all over dinner otherwise someone's going to hear half of it. Happosai will be in for a shock. I won't try to out-fight him, but I doubt he can glomp onto me now. Dad was sore this morning. fighting over the pool was his idea. I guess he prefers it when we both change. I wonder how mom'll take being married to a panda. P-chan's by the pool, I'm going to get my homework out of the way so I can watch the sunset tonight."  
And with that, he ducked into the house, and went to his room.  
* * *  
Over dinner, Ranma and Akane proceed to tell everyone what Cologne and Tofu told them. Ranma did come up with one idea that was a stroke of brilliance "I know one way I could eat more here without raising the food budget." "How?" "Sit me apart from dad. He'd never steal your food. Akane, can we switch seats?"  
After dinner, Ranma leaves to view the sunset. And without him as a catalyst, the evening passes quietly until one hour later.  
* * *  
Akane heads for her evening bath. Inside the changing room she notices Ranma's clothes "Ranma, how long are you going to be in there?" She doesn't get an answer. Slightly worried and with her feelings confused through the jumble of events that day she cautiously peeks into the bathroom, and sees Ranma sitting comfortably in the tub snoring slightly. She wants to pound him, but she isn't going to enter the bathing room while he's male, and she is worried about him, and he is acting weird,and ...  
She goes to get their fathers to wake Ranma, and put him to bed.  
* * * 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning dawns much the same as the others. Ranma and his father are sparring as usual, but Ranma's heart isn't in it. He doesn't respond to the taunts of his father, and he doesn't go out of his way to soak his father in the pond. He just mounts an effective defense. His father is clearly not pleased with his son's lackadaisical response, but he doesn't know what to do. Taunting Ranma to fight harder worked flawlessly for the last ten years. Fathers of teenagers aren't the best at breaking habits they've formed with their children.  
Breakfast begins, and Ranma makes a good showing in defending his food, but his appetite isn't the monster it usually was. He still ate more than any two Tendos combined, but not much more.  
On the way to school, Akane tries to get some kind of a response out of Ranma by taunting his morning's fighting and breakfast, only getting mild grunts of acknowledgment. Akane finds it as difficult to deal with Ranma today as it was yesterday. He wasn't acting normal. Nothing she did provoked the usual response. He wasn't doing anything wrong, he was just too quiet.  
When Kuno started his morning attack, Ranma didn't perk up. He waited for the attack, swept Kuno's legs out from under him, then leaped over him, kicking his sword hand, causing Kuno's bokken to go flying away. Then Ranma walked into school.  
* * *  
Akane didn't normally get along with Ukyou, but by the middle of the day she needed someone to compare notes on Ranma's behavior, and Ukyou and Nabiki were the only two at school who knew the effects of the coin. Nabiki was on a different floor, and would charge too much. Ukyou was a few seats over, and had a similar worried expression. While Ranma consumed his lunch at his desk, Akane went over to talk with Ukyou.  
They compared notes. They found their observations were confirmed. They both had no idea what to do. Ukyou was the first to mention that the coin drove the previous wearers insane, and Cologne never mentioned the insanity yesterday when telling them about the effects of the coin. Everyone was so concerned over whether Ranma would live or die, that the insanity was forgotten about.  
At this point they saw Ranma reenter the classroom, neither had noticed him getting up from his desk after finishing the bento. He was smiling for the first time that day, as he walked over to Ukyou and Akane. "Ukyou, didya find an amusement park nearby?" "Yes Ranchan, we can get there by train Saturday after class, and get there by 1:00. I forgot to make 2 copies of the directions, but I remember them, and one of you can copy this for the other. We'll probably meet on the same train anyway."  
Ranma looked at the directions, but then handed them to Akane saying "You'd better copy them. If anyone sees a copy of directions written in my hand, someone will show up looking for a fight. If they're in your hand, the worst we'll have would be an overamorous Kuno, and we can always strap him to the outside of the ferris wheel if he causes trouble." "Ranchan, you're not normally this cautious." "I know. Its weird, whenever I start thinking of a plan, I keep thinking of things that might mess it up. If you really want to play it safe, you could write them on okonomiyaki, then we could eat the message after reading it." "I thought about it, but you've eaten too many before you've read what was written on them."  
* * *  
During class, Akane passes a note to Ukyou saying "After class, let's ask Cologne. She may have more to say if Ranma isn't there." Ukyou reads it, and nods when Akane is looking.  
* * *  
After school, our now peppy Ranma gets his copy of the directions to the amusement park from Akane, and goes to see Dr. Tofu. Akane tells him she wants to talk with Ukyou.  
As Akane and Ukyou proceed to the Nekohanten, Ukyou tells Akane "Yaknow, Ranma is trusting us to get along together more than he trusts any other pair of girls after him. I don't know how well we can get along, but I think I'd like to try at least through this amusement park trip. I want to prove to myself that Ranma's faith in us is justified." "I understand, and while Ranma is acting different, we're the only people who are watching out for him during the day."  
"Actually Akane, I should confess something. The real reason I only made one copy of the directions, I was worried that if there was a screwup, you might suspect me of plotting something concerning Ranma. If I gave you each one, you wouldn't be sure they were the same. I actually had a second one in my bag that I copied before I thought about this while working last night. I don't want to make you mistrust me, or avoid me at least until we're sure Ranma's not in trouble."  
They arrive at the Nekohanten to find a worried Shampoo concerned for Ranma, "Where is Ranma? You watch him in school? Is he OK?"  
Ukyou and Akane reassure Shampoo about his physical health. In the two days since Peroxide's death, Ranma has had only one fight besides his morning sparring, and that was the fight with Kuno, and Ranma hadn't exerted himself at all for that.  
Ukyou and Akane also said they came to discuss Ranma's mental health with Cologne while Ranma was visiting Dr. Tofu for his now-daily physical.  
The three girls went to listen to Cologne, and try to understand Ranma's new behavior.  
"First, you must understand that the insanity caused by the coin does not come into effect this early. It will be months before that becomes a worry. The changes that have occurred are more insidious, mostly because they are beneficial, so they won't be regarded by most people as a disadvantage."  
"I've told you that it increases Ranma's speed of thought. He will not be used to having ideas occur to him as fast as it does now. You can expect this to exacerbate his tendency to talk without self-censoring himself. You can expect him to babble."  
"It also improves his ability to come up with non-obvious solutions to problems. He'll be constantly thinking of several things at once, and see patterns in the overlapping thoughts that aren't immediately obvious. You can expect him to babble about several things at once. To him they will all seem like a logical conversation, but between every two sentences, his mind may have jumped two or three thoughts so that to you it seems disjointed and confused."  
"The biggest change will probably be due to euphoria. I have trouble thinking of anyone who I could guarantee could outfight Ranma right now. If it was his goal, he might be able to train to beat anyone. Plus his thinking and planning are improved. If he wanted something badly enough, he could likely do anything. Since he knows he could succeed at anything, he's feeling on top of the world. Imagine how you would feel if you could do anything you wanted to, if you wanted to badly enough."  
"There's even a theory about the coin that states that the coin doesn't cause insanity at all, but that a human mind affected this way will invariably eventually go insane. This is why the coin's mental effects are so insidious. Three linked benefits to Ranma's mind may eventually pull him to insanity."  
"As for treatment and advice, I have none, yet. Nothing can be done, so we do nothing, for now. Remember that any changes you note in Ranma isn't due to his personality changing, but in the way he thinks. He's the same Ranma, but you'll see a facet of him that would otherwise never be displayed this way."  
The three girls who care for Ranma digest this news as best they can. Ukyou asks Cologne, "Do you have any good news at all about Ranchan?"  
Cologne responds "If I didn't think we had a chance of saving him, I would have broken Shampoo's right to Ranma, and sent her back home, making her forget Ranma if it were necessary. I wont let Shampoo pursue a walking dead person. Ranma may live a long life, but I can't guarantee it, or tell you what else to do to increase our chances. I wont give any of you false hope, but there is reason to hope. Still, make the most of this time. You'll have regrets when you reach my age, try not to have too many."  
On that somber note, they break up. Ukyou to her restaurant, Shampoo and Cologne prepare for the lunch crowd, and Akane to home.  
* * *  
As soon as Akane gets home, Ranma calls Akane out to the dojo. "Ranma, why'd you call me in here?"  
"Well, I've been thinking, and I need to practice and I don't want to overexert myself, but I also want to put this energy to good use. So I need you to spot me while I go through some kata, and offer advice on what I can and shouldn't do, while I tell you what I've been thinking about." At this point, Ranma has already started his routines, and switches topics on Akane.  
"So I've decided I've gotta see my mother as a guy while I have this chance. I'll only have a few months with this coin, and then I'll either die or have to worry about seppuku again. Either way I'll regret it if I let this moment slip by. I'm gonna wait to tell my mother about the curse and the coin. We've got enough to talk about just covering the last 10 years, and 2 fiancees tied to family honor, plus a Chinese amazon that considers us married because I knocked her unconscious. I don't want to talk to dad about this because he'll probably have to stay a panda while she's here; and I'm sure he isn't ready to explain his actions over the last 10 years to an armed Nodoka. I can't tell Soun, or pop will hear about it. Kasumi would welcome Nodoka over. Nabiki will either like her arrival, or find some way to profit out of it. So that leaves you, would you rather we invite my mom here, or should I go away to visit her? What do you think?"  
"Slow down, Ranma! I can either follow your conversation, or think about it, but I'm not used to dealing with things like this at this speed. I like your mother, I wouldn't mind if she visited. What are you going to tell her about Ranko, your father and the panda?"  
At this point, Genma appears as a panda carrying two packs. He holds up a sign saying `We must leave, Nodoka is here and you can't be Ranko'. Seeing this, Ranma leaps over Akane, punts his father into the carp pond, and runs to the house screaming "Mommmm!"  
* * *  
Ranma enters the family room at a dead run and leaps over the table, coming to a dead stop in front of Nodoka, and he grabs her in a fierce hug. "Mom! Why are you here now? I was going to call you after dinner to tell you I was here."  
"Ranma? I haven't seen you for ten years. Let me look at you. Is your father here too?"  
"You probably won't see Pop and Ranko during this visit. You know how Pop and I missed you all of your other visits here; well this time I'm here instead of Ranko, and I've got to make sure this panda doesn't run off for now. I can explain all of this later, but not quickly. None of this makes sense without background of my life for the last ten years."  
Akane, who entered a bit after Ranma was surprised, and a bit shocked at Ranma's answer. Ranma invented an excuse for Ranko's apparent absence before Nodoka could bring it up, and worded it in such a way that Nodoka was sure to interpret incorrectly, but without lying to her. It also sounds like Ranma intends to tell his mother about most of his life, but how much is he planning to reveal?  
Soun and Genma (in panda form) enter the room from different directions. Soun looks at Nodoka, Genma and Ranma, and obviously goes into shock. He hasn't fainted yet, but he is beginning to babble "Ah, I see you've seen your son."  
"Yes, it seems my husband has raised him up well. It's good to see our family honor is intact."  
At this, Ranma begins to frown. "I wouldn't say that. In fact I'm afraid I have some disturbing things to tell you. Pop taught me many of valuable lessons, but some of the methods he used were horrible. I can't say he raised me well, or not."  
"You shouldn't put your father down like that. Even if he made mistakes, you should still show him respect."  
"I'm not trying to be disrespectful, I'm trying to find a tactful way to warn you that our family honor has been stretched close to breaking."  
This response freezes everyone in the room, except Soun, who's head grows gigantic as he shouts at Ranma "Your father is an honorable man!"  
Ranma quietly comments "Then why do I lose count of the number of times he has betrothed me to different women?"  
Soun collapses, and begins to weep uncontrollably. Akane, still shocked, says "Ranma, that was cruel!"  
Ranma replies "But necessary. This isn't something that can be papered over. I'm not going to lie to my mother. I intend to eventually tell her all of the things that have my life twisted in a knot. Half of them are centered around this problem, and Soun just ignores it."  
"You've been pretty good at ignoring things you don't want to face." At this point both Akane and Ranma have forgotten they have an audience, and are arguing vehemently.  
"You think I like letting these problems drag on? It isn't easy having to choose between two things, when both choices are disastrous. So I put things off, hoping things would change, but things just get more complicated. More bad choices appear. Now I do the slightest thing, and dozens of people are affected. Dozens start plotting, or trying to kill me. Now I'm trying to do the right thing here."  
"You don't have to make my father cry!"  
"Of course I do! This is the first time in ten years I can speak to my mother, and your father has been denying things that have twisted my life around. The only way to stop him is to get him to start crying. What's the big deal? You make him cry often!"  
"I don't set out to make him cry!"  
"He's crying because I said the truth. How many times has he announced that we get along great together? Half the school bets on our fights! He's tried to threaten, coerce, and trick us through countless public declarations when he KNOWS I have a second fiancee. You and I are the only ones who are willing to stand up to Happosai. Our fathers only fight him when he's knocked out, otherwise they buckle under his thumb and help him in his perversions, and pray they aren't blamed."  
"STOP!" Nodoka yelled. Ranma and Akane realized they had an audience. "I can't keep track of all of the questions you're bringing up. Who are you engaged to? And why?"  
"Well," sighed Ranma, "Before we were born, Pop and Soun promised to have our two families marry, and when we arrived here decided that Akane and I were affianced. But, when I was six, dad also engaged me to a friend I met. She's moved into this area a while ago. Then there's Shampoo, a Chinese amazon, who became engaged to me when I defeated her in combat. She's also moved near here a while ago. I had another fiancee, but we had that arrangement cancelled. I'm also being chased by an insane gymnast, who tries to bribe, threaten, blackmail, and poison me on a regular basis. Have I omitted anything, Akane?"  
"Well, there was confusion over the vampyric teacher, and the unwanted attention of the brain-less kendoist, the monkey and the girl who performed the tea ceremony, the time you were briefly drugged to love a scheming centarian, the time you almost married a duck, the ghost-panda demon, Ryouga, the French idiot, and of course Happosai.  
"Oh yeah, but those are just minor annoyances. All of these women are martial artists. Unfortunately, each of these women have at least one martial artist who hates the idea of me even talking to them. Shampoo is violent at random intervals, Kodachi is violent constantly, and Akane is dangerous when angered. I'm easily the best fighter in the lot, but I often have to fight several people at the same time, or in rapid succession. If you hear someone shout `Ranma, prepare to die' you shouldn't worry, It happens often around here. Almost a cliche really."  
Nodoka appears distraught, and asks "So your father engaged you to two women?"  
Ranma sheepishly replies "Well, actually three. But we had one broken without loss of honor. The other two we aren't honor-bound to accept, but neither of them will stop drugging me, or kidnapping me."  
"What could have possessed my husband to engage you three times?"  
"Well, the first time was due to drunken fraternity with Soun, The other two times were due to his appetite."  
"HE ENGAGED YOU FOR FOOD?" Nodoka yelled.  
"Why else? He has only a few driving desires; martial arts and food are the top two."  
"You should show your father more respect. Even if that is a frighteningly accurate assessment."  
"I haven't fully forgiven Pop for what he did to Ukyou. She was my best friend growing up, and he humiliated her. Akane and Ukyou fight often, but even Akane thinks dad went too far that time. Honor demands I marry Ukyou. Honor demands I marry Akane."  
Nodoka asks "And who do you want to marry?"  
"NO ONE! Not now! I can't talk with any of them without being pummeled. I'm constantly being forced, or blackmailed to pick one. I just want to spend some time with them as friends. I haven't had a friend without an ulterior goal since I was six."  
"But we can't break either of the engagements without damaging our family honor."  
"Exactly mom, and the other two girls can't be reasoned with. One is insane, the other is obeying a 3,000 year old law."  
"I'll have to think about this for a while. Akane, I'm a bit surprised you never mentioned Ranma's other fiancees."  
Akane responded, "This was something that you had to hear from Ranma, or his father. Ranma's life is confusing enough. Besides, Ranma was right, If I brought it up before, my father would have denied the other fiancees. He always has in the past."  
"I can understand that. Ranma, is there any other threats to our family honor?"  
"Unfortunately yes mom, but the situation is involved, and I'd like some time before I explain it to you. If nothing is done, the problem will resolve itself in a year."  
"Alright, I'll give you some time. Why did you tell me about your fiancees, but want to keep this other thing quiet? I don't like the idea of you telling me your father's shortcomings while keeping yours hidden."  
"Well, that's true, but the reason I need more time is that everything changed a few days ago, and I need time to deal with it, and accept it first. The multiple fiancees have been going on for months, but this is new. Besides, I don't think I could spend a day with you without one of my other fiancees or rivals showing up. Although it has been quiet for a few days."  
"RANMA, WHERE ARE YOU?" the voice of Mousse screams from outside.  
Ranma sighs. "Akane, could you explain this one while I talk with Mousse?", he asks as he leaves the room.  
Akane explains to Nodoka, "That was Mousse's voice. He's a legally blind martial artist from China who followed Shampoo over here because he loves Shampoo. But Shampoo only cares about Ranma, so Mousse attacks regularly."  
* * *  
Ranma enters the yard, and calls out "I'm over here Mousse, are you willing to talk before we fight?"  
"I'll kill you now!"  
"I guess you aren't willing." Ranma quipped.  
Mousse released a barrage of weapons attached to ropes from his sleeves, which impacted into the earth around where Ranma had been standing. Ranma had leapt over the attack. Mousse followed with another volley at the now airborne Ranma, but was surprised when Ranma actually reached out, grabbed the weapons, and used the ropes to pull himself directly at Mousse. Ranma kicks Mousse, and both wind up in the pond.  
Ranma grabs Mousse (who is now in duck form) by the neck, and says "We're going to the dojo to talk. I have information about my engagement to Shampoo that will interest you." This quiets the quacking Mousse, and the two walk off to talk  
* * *  
In the dojo, Ranma sets Mousse down and begins.  
"You know I'm engaged to Akane and Ukyou, and that my engagement to Shampoo is due to a rule of her village that my family doesn't recognize. Well, my mother's visiting, and will insist that this ghastly collection of promises, vows, and rules are all straightened out once, and for all. This means that in a short while either Shampoo will have to give up, or we'll get married. Now you are one of the brighter people I fight regularly, so you can see the following. The odds that my mother will break both my engagements to support Shampoo's law is very slim. That'll leave Shampoo to you."  
"You also know I can't insult the ghoul until we get this coin removed. This means I have to treat Shampoo like I treat my other fiancees. I know this'll annoy you, but in a few months this will all be over. If it gets too frustrating, we can fight, but you know that with the coin I can defeat you easily. I can probably beat Cologne, so fighting me is pointless."  
"Finally, I know that you only attack when something's happened that makes it necessary, or advantageous to you that we fight. I've barely spoken to Shampoo since Peroxide's death, so it couldn't be that. Is Shampoo or Cologne plotting something again? Quack once for yes, and twice for no."  
QUACK, QUACK.  
"Then you must have seen some advantage. I can't be defeated by you, so the only thing I can think of would be that you are trying to make me exert myself. If you hadn't thought of doing that, you will eventually. Exerting myself will bring on my death. If you are trying to kill me that way, you are fighting me without honor, and I'll see you dead before you kill me that way. I wouldn't even need to fight you, just tell Shampoo your plan. Do we understand each other? If you want to spar or fight you can come here, but if you are trying to annoy me to death, I'll let Shampoo and Cologne get you. In a few months all of this will be resolved. Do you understand?"  
QUACK.  
"Ok. By the way, would you like to meet my mother?"  
Mousse thinks for a bit. QUACK.  
"Ok. I'll get your stuff, and carry it, and you to the bathroom. I don't want to worry my mother about the coin yet, so don't mention my dying in a year. I haven't told her about any of the curses either, but you can mention them if you want. Please don't mention mine or pops. I'll be right back."  
* * *  
"Mother, I'd like to introduce you to Mousse. The guy who loves Shampoo, and one of my regular sparring partners."  
"How do you do."  
"Pleased to meet you Mrs. Saotome."  
Kasumi asks "Mousse, we're just about to have dinner, would you care to join us?"  
"Thank you very much. That would be quite nice."  
Over dinner, Mousse explains the Amazon laws to Nodoka, along with the censure Shampoo would experience if she returned to China without Ranma. Mousse also tries to help Ranma and Akane describe Cologne. They even begin reminiscing over the failed methods used on Ranma; hypnosis mushrooms and the cat's-tongue shiatzu point (although they never bothered to mention why Ranma was so angry about being unable to touch hot water).  
"So how did you get the fushichougan from Cologne?" Nodoka asks Ranma.  
"I used the cat-fist. I didn't defeat her, but I did surprise her, so rather than continue in a fight that wasn't going the way she planned, she conceded the fight, and gave me the pill. It wasn't until later that I realized how likely the fight would have continued until severe injury occurred. On retrospect I only showed her I couldn't be easily defeated, and that I don't buckle under pressure of a superior opponent."  
"You don't talk about her like an enemy or a friend. How would you describe Cologne? Does she have any more holds on you?" Nodoka probed.  
Ranma frowned. "She's an adversary, and a teacher. Like Happosai. Very like Happosai, now that I think of it. Both she and Happosai teach me new techniques. I'm periodically at odds with both of them, and often have to go to one to defeat the other's plots. Personally I'd be happier with both of them gone, but if it weren't for her, Prince Herb would have made my life hell. Right now we're on the same side. I don't like her, but right now our most recent large battle has given us similar goals. I don't trust her secondary goals, but she stands to loose everything she's been working on if we don't both succeed."  
Mousse interjected, "I'd better get back to the Nekohanten, or they'll have my hide. Thank you Kasumi, for the wonderful meal. Thank you all, for the conversation. Thanks, Ranma, for inviting me in. It was a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Saotome. Ranma, I'll try to take your earlier advice to heart; perhaps we might do this again some time."  
Mousse's departure gave everyone an excuse to do other things as well. Nodoka was going to be staying there for a few days. Soun Tendo being too shocked to say anything, because of how much information Ranma had given away that might eventually lead to the death of Genma, and of his hopes for Akane and Ranma's wedding (through the agency of Ranma's death). And Kasumi was, of course, the model of politeness.  
As much as Ranma wanted to talk with his mother, the emotions of being with her, accepted by her for the first time as himself, were beginning to wear Ranma out. On top of this, the effort to keep the conversation away from the unsafe topics of his curse, and his impending death by madness due to the `dying man coin' was leaving him quite frazzled. This made the time he was spending with his mother painful, as well as pleasurable.  
Nodoka, similarly, was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Finally meeting her son after so many years, and hearing story after story about his past; she was beginning to have some difficulty keeping track of all of the people he mentioned.  
Ranma went of to the dojo to unwind, and train. Nodoka followed Kasumi to the kitchen to talk. Discussion about fiancees, and Genma's actions were put off, as the Saotomes and the Tendos basked in the warm glow of a family reunited.  
*** ! 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning was too fast for any serious discussion before school. Nodoka was pleased to see how energetic her son was, even though a few minutes earlier he was happily asleep.  
Instead of his usual morning's sparring with his father, he practiced katas, trying to achieve amaguriken speeds without sacrificing the precision he achieved at lower speeds. Hopefully he could use his boosted metabolism to improve his skills so that he'd retain some of the benefits if he gets a cure for the 'dead man's coin'.  
Ranma asks Nodoka if she could keep an eye on the panda to make sure it doesn't leave. "He'll probably spend the day playing shoji or go with Mr. Tendo, but as fond as he is of Ranko, I wouldn't put it past him to try to visit some of our old training grounds. Tracking him down would be a real pain." Ranma casually glares at the big panda while he finishes (ostensibly to Nodoka, but with veiled message for his father, "It's better for his health if he stays here. He might not realize it, but if he left now, he'd likely shorten his own life."  
Nodoka asks "How did that panda learn to play go? He and Soun play without a handicap. Such training is quite impressive."  
While Soun and panda sweat over this question, Ranma deflects this easily. "Aww, Soun and Genma play all the time, and when Genma can't be found, the panda plays. The panda's watched every game Soun and Genma play. Soun is responsible for all of the practice the panda gets, but Genma is responsible for all of the panda's playing ability. Go is a trivial game to learn after all, and that panda isn't just a dumb animal."  
Soun adds to Ranma's explanation, "No one ever masters go anyway, there's always new levels of complexity to discover. Playing at any level is an exercise of the intellect of each player. There is no winning strategy to learn. The play of the game itself is what's important."  
* * *  
As Ranma and Akane run to school, Akane asks Ranma "When are you going to tell your mother about everything else? You've been talking around a lot of subjects, but you said you'd tell her everything."  
Well, I think the first thing would be to tell her about all of this fiancee mess. She won't be able to follow what's going on at all until that's explained fully. I don't care when she discovers Shampoo and Mousse's curses, but whenever that happens, we'll have to tell her about my problem with cats. I don't want to drag you into this, but I'll need your help if I slip into cat mode again. You or Kasumi might have to explain some of it if things don't go smoothly. Then we tell her about my Jusenkyou curse, but we show her it's cured now. Then the hard part; I tell my mother I've been deceiving her as Ranko. If I survive it, we tell her about the coin keeping me male. Finally we tell her about the coin killing me in a year. I wanna stretch this out, there's no way anyone could take in all this at once. I think even Kasumi might be shocked beyond just saying `Oh, my' if she learned all of this at once, and she's easily the most unflapable person I ever met."  
"Nabiki is pretty hard to shake up too, don't you think?"  
"No, Nabiki is as easy to surprise as most people, she just never lets anyone see it. She has a better pokerface than the Gambling King. Kasumi is another case entirely. Godzilla could rampage through our back yard wearing a pink tutu and a sailor's cap, and Kasumi's first thought would be that she better re-sweep up the leaves."  
Akane giggles briefly over the imagery "Yeah, I can see that. She'd probably say `Ranma, is this another of your friends over to visit?'"  
"If he understood even moderate Japanese, he'd probably be invited for a cup of tea. Sometimes I think of her as my perfect opposite."  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"No need to get defensive, it isn't an insult. No one would ever insult Kasumi. No one would attack her, she never fights. The strongest attack she can make sounds like a mild rebuke, but it can hit you harder than Ryouga's shishi houkoudan. I have to fight half of Nerima to do what I think is right, she quietly requests things, and everything works out. Think about everyone she invited last Christmas to that party. If you or pop sent out the invitations, many of them wouldn't have shown up. If I did it, we'd probably would have had to rebuild the dojo from scratch after the fight. You know I wouldn't want to destroy the dojo, but you also know it probably would be wrecked. Kasumi shared a kitchen with Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kodachi. Anyone else would need to be a martial artist to escape unscathed, even then, you or I would have risked some collateral damage from random drugs and flying water, and what happens? Kodachi drugs herself, and sleeps the guilt-free sleep of the non compos mentis. Kasumi has mastered the perfect defense. Lets be honest, I've seen pictures of your mother occasionally, and Kasumi is becoming a beautiful woman like she was, right?"  
"Yes?" Akane agreed, but had no idea where this conversation was going now.  
"Have you EVER seen Happosai glomp onto her? He attacks me regularly, and I'm a guy. He's put a bra on Cologne. He may be a hentai deviant mutant, but even HE isn't perverse enough to violate Kasumi."  
By this point, they've finally reached the school's gates so, of course, they are intercepted by Tatewaki Kuno.  
"Ranma Saotome, what have you done with the pig-tailed girl?" Kuno charged at Ranma, bokken drawn for attack  
"Hold, and I'll tell you."  
Once he digests the fact that Ranma was going to answer his questions, he stops his headlong charge at Ranma. "For the information I need, I'll withhold the thrashing you so richly deserve. Speak! Speak at once, I say!"  
"She has gone, for reasons of her own, having something to do with family honor. She left unexpectedly, but of her own choice. I think her trip will be more difficult than she thought when leaving. She explicitly said she wanted no one else to know of her destination. I think she'll return here as soon as she can, but she didn't know how long it would take."  
"Speak, cur. Tell me where she is!"  
Ranma appears to have snapped in anger. "I know you think so little of me, but to find out where she is would be insulting her. Think of your honor and hers! Have you never had a problem within your family that you didn't want others to know? As a samurai, you must place her honor in high regard. Anything you find out about this trip will cheapen that. You could gladly ask Nabiki where she went, if you hold her wishes in such contempt. Nabiki would probably give you all the information you are willing to pay for. So if you want to hear more than you should, I suggest you ask Nabiki in private, instead of trying to shame your goddess in public!"  
Kuno was uncharacteristically silent. No one else said a word, as everyone wondered over what Kuno's reaction would be. Finally, he gives Ranma a brief nod. "Thank you Saotome, for the information you have given me. I spoke in haste, and you have delayed me until I was able to act rationally. I do not trust you, and will verify her departure myself, but I'll honor her request, and give her the privacy to set matters right within her own family. Family matters are, after all, rather tricky. If you communicate with her before I do, tell her my heart goes with her, I would like to help, and that I will not pry." and with that, Kuno strode away.  
Akane looks at Ranma, and asks him "Why did you tell him that? And when did you think THAT up?"  
"Yesterday, during class. He never believes the whole truth about my curse. He'd never give me a moment's peace if I lied. The only way to get any peace from him, is to tell the truth, and make him desire not to pursue the pig-tailed girl. I couldn't think up anything to get him to go away for good, but this might keep him until he actually sees her again."  
"Do you think you could get him to leave ME alone too?" Akane hoped.  
"If I had a plan for that, I'd have gotten him to give up on the pig-tailed girl for good. If I think of one, I'll try it. You would have better luck amassing a small fortune, and bribing Nabiki to do it. When it comes to talking around Kuno, she's Ben better than me, for far longer than me."  
"I'll hold off on that. I've no desire to pay to see the irresistible force of my sister's intelligence clash with the immovable force of Kuno's love-sick stupidity."  
* * *  
Hours later, during lunch period, Kuno approached Nabiki in private. "Nabiki Tendo, I would speak with you on a matter of extreme delicacy, on a matter surrounding the pig-tailed girl. I find myself morally constrained not to learn anything about her whereabouts, beyond the absolute minimum to test the veracity of what I learned from Ranma this morning. Will you consent to answering some yes-or-no questions about my pig-tailed goddess?"  
Nabiki thought for a moment. Something was going on that she wasn't watching for. Kuno's requests rarely caught her by surprise, except of course when she occasionally underestimated his stupidity or inanity. "1000 yen a question."  
Kuno quietly handed Nabiki 2000 yen. Nabiki's interest peaked a bit. He didn't argue over the amount, Nabiki could have acquired a bit more.  
Kuno began his question. "Earlier this morning, Ranma Saotome said that my beloved pig-tailed girl desired that I do not know were she is right now. Is this true?"  
A smile came upon Nabiki's lips. "Yes, it is true."  
"I had not expected the cur Ranma to have given me true information, but I know you would never lie about any answer duly paid for. I must ask you one more question, and I pray you restrict yourself to only one word, lest my mighty intellect might later infer additional information from some other inconsequential verbiage. Oh, how I am playing a risky game with fate, not unlike trying to dust the lid of Pandora's box. Please tell me Nabiki, is the absence of the pig-tailed goddess from my worshipful view due to a matter which pertains to her families honor? Please say you, yes or no."  
"Yes."  
"Blast this cruel fate which separates such love. But I shall rise above it. I go now to meditate on the proper conduct fitting for her absence." And with that, he strides away.  
Nabiki thought, well 2000 yen, but I should have been able to get more. I've been getting a bit lax regarding Kuno and Ranma. I'll be more careful over the next few days.  
* * *  
Ranma spent most of the morning fidgeting in his chair, suffering under the burden of a boring lecture, made even more painful by Ranma's current inability to fall asleep due to his high energy. While most of the class has the dazed expression of a captive audience, Ranma is spinning pens around his fingers with a speed and intensity that make the pens look like they might be usable as a missile.  
As soon as class ends for lunch, Ukyou approaches Akane's desk, and asks her what has got into Ranma. "Why is he bouncing off the walls like that?  
Akane smiles for a moment "So many things have happened since school yesterday, I'm not sure where to begin. After I got home, he called me into the dojo to talk about seeing his mother. he talked on and on about taking advantage of being a man, and his possibly dying in a year. He said he'd either visit her, or invite her over. Then his father rushed in to take him on another training trip, because Nodoka was in the living room."  
"What happened?"  
"Ranma knocked Genma over and rushed to her. We got into an argument about our fathers, and revealed that Ranma has multiple fiancees in front of Nodoka. She's going to try to settle things once she gets a grasp of them all. Then after Ranma fought Mousse, Mousse stayed for dinner, and told Nodoka all about amazon customs, and Cologne's plots. Ranma seemed so lively and energetic all last night."  
At this point Ranma joined their discussion. "Ucchan, my mom's visiting. We told her about the multiple fiancees. You ought to meet her. Do you think you should meet at the Tendos, or at your restaurant?"  
"However she wants. For something as big as this, I'd close the store for the night."  
"Ranma." Akane interrupts, "There's something I've been thinking about all morning during class. As long as I've known you, you've been against being forced to marry any of your fiancees. When you introduce your mother to everyone, isn't she going to take sides, and pressure you into marrying someone? You seem to be actively trying to get her involved. Why?"  
Ukyou also, is interested in how Ranma will answer, so she and Akane wait while Ranma does something he has rarely done in the past. Ranma is thinking before he speaks. "I don't have a simple reason to give. Well, I could give you a simple answer, but it wouldn't be right. I think I'm doing it for several reasons, but some of them seem contradictory. Besides, any time the three of us talk seriously about marriage, one of you pounds me, so maybe we should discuss this when we aren't in school; there are too many people around."  
Akane misunderstands. "None of us hurt bystanders when we fight!"  
Ranma corrects "I didn't mean them! I meant too many people who'd love to join in a fight. Kuno's in another classroom. Hinako-sensei is around here somewhere. Rumor has it that Kuno-kouchou isn't in Hawaii, so he's probably around. and there are groups of girls with access to brooms who love to beat up `enemies of women'. The only places worse to discuss this would be the Nekohanten, or surrounded by our three parents. I love martial arts, but I'm not in the mood for a brawl right now." At this point, a dull boom is heard "Che, I did just say I didn't want a fight, right?" Ranma then announces in a voice loud enough for the entire room "I'm gonna talk to Kuno now." And with that, he runs from the room as a second muffled boom occurs, but louder than the first.  
"He wants to talk with Kuno?" a third, louder muffled boom is heard.  
For the fourth boom, part of the wall breaks, and Shampoo stands there in the dissipating dust holding a delivery box. "Nihao, where's Ranma"  
"He went to talk to Kuno." some helpful student offers.  
"Then I will find Kuno!" and Shampoo leaves the classroom.  
A few seconds later, the classroom door opens and Ranma slips in and grabs his bag. "That seems to have worked. I'm going to disappear for a while, and eat Kasumi's lunch in peace. I'll be back for class."  
Ukyou and Akane stare until Ukyou comments "Ranma avoiding a fight, and succeeding? Have you ever seen him manage that before?"  
"That is new. He did say something this morning about Kasumi mastering the perfect defense."  
"I've never seen your sister fight anyone before."  
"That's what he meant. She never gets into a fight, so no blows hit her."  
"Well Cologne and Tofu told him to avoid fights, but I never thought he'd be able to actually do it."  
***  
After School, Ranma left for Dr. Tofu's clinic, while Akane went home. Nodoka asked Akane if they could talk in private, and led her up to the guest room Nodoka was using. she had a pot of tea ready, and the two of them sat down to enjoy a mug together as they began to talk.  
"Akane, why didn't you tell me about Ranma's other girlfriends before?"  
"I'm not sure. I don't really talk much about Ranma with anyone. Nabiki is always teasing me about him. Kasumi takes everything in stride, I can't really discuss this with her. Daddy is hopeless, he keeps trying to force us married; he can't listen to anything about marriage with out flying into rage or tears. My friends either tell me I should dump him for being insensitive or rude, or they tell me he's cute. The whole school is betting on my relationship with Ranma, with Nabiki running the betting pool. Everyone else either wants to marry him, or kill him. The only one I talk about it is my pet, P-chan."  
"When Ranma first came here, I had a crush on someone else. I hated all the boys in school, and fought with thirty of them every morning before school. Daddy decided we had to marry, and kept pushing us and begging us. When the other girls showed up he started to become desperate. He and Genma keep coming up with plans to try to get us married, or to kiss in public, and everything they try leads to a brawl as one of his girlfriends or enemies shows up. Sometimes it seems that the only thing we do agree on is that we don't want to marry or kiss in public. Ranma doesn't seem to want to do that with anyone. The other girls would agree in a minute."  
"Have you ever kissed in private?"  
"No. A couple of times I thought we were going to, but something always happened. Once he kissed me on the cheek in front of the whole school, but he wasn't sane at the time, and he never remembered it."  
"What do you mean he wasn't sane? Is something wrong with him?"  
"So many things have happened to him. If something weird can happen, It will happen to Ranma sooner or later. He always seems to fight off his problems, but new ones seem to keep happening. He already told me he intends to explain the story surrounding the kiss pretty soon. He even asked me this morning to explain it to you if he can't. So I feel I should wait until he brings this one up."  
"You and Ranma have been answering my questions, but I still feel that there is a lot neither of you are telling me."  
"There is Saotome-san. But Ranma told me he plans to tell you all of it. He just doesn't want to tell you all at once. I think I agree with him on this. He said no one could take this all at once."  
"You had me relieved until that last sentence. I'll try to respect his wishes, and let him tell me in his own time."  
***  
Ranma returns home, and over dinner both families discuss the best way for Nodoka to meet the other girls. At first Soun is against the idea, but as soon as he learns that she'll meet them eventually, he joins into the discussion as a willing participant.  
Nodoka asks "Where should I meet them?"  
Ranma answers "If Mr. Tendo agrees, I'd like you to meet them here, during this visit." as Mr. Tendo is about to violently object, Ranma adds "My mother would otherwise have to visit them all at their homes. I trust Ukyou and even Shampoo, but I don't trust Kodachi or Cologne not to take advantage of the situation. Mr. Tendo, do you want to risk them trying to force me into a marriage?"  
At this, Soun rethinks his position, and agrees to everything Ranma suggests. Finally it is agreed that Ranma will contact the girls to arrange a separate visit with each of them. They also decide one guest a day would be plenty, and that the visit should just be between Nodoka, Ranma and the girl. Since it is now Friday, they decide to try to schedule one each for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  
After dinner, Ranma leaves to set everything up.  
***  
The dinner crowd is still eating as Ranma enters Ucchan's restaurant. "Ucchan. If you're free, could you come over Monday after school to meet my mother? It will just be a quiet discussion with you, me, and her."  
"Sure Ranchan. How do you plan to keep it from getting interrupted?"  
"Well, Akane can prevent Tsubasa from entering. All the other girls will have their meeting cancelled if they interfere, and all of the other boys want this meeting to go well. I came here to make sure Monday was OK for you before I set up the other two meetings. I'm off to the Nekohanten, see ya."  
***  
The Nekohanten was also busy.  
"Airen! Where were you during lunch today?"  
"Hi, Shampoo. I was all over the place. I'm sorry you couldn't find me. My mother is in town, and she'd like to meet you. Could you come over to the Tendo house Tuesday afternoon?"  
"Aiah! Glad to come!"  
"Son-in-law, we'd be honored."  
"Ahh, this was intended as a private meeting with Shampoo and my mother. But if you'd like to change it, I'm sure she'd be willing to invite you and Mousse. She wanted to meet each of the girls who want to marry me, since she already knows Akane. She wants to try to understand how I got so many persistent suitors. If things go badly, there's a chance I may have to commit seppuku, so I hope this can go as smoothly as possible."  
"Very well. Shampoo will go alone. I'll keep Mousse from interfering. How do you plan to keep the others from interfering?"  
"Akane and Ukyou would both look bad in my mothers eyes if they interfered. Kodachi isn't so reasonable, but her introduction is on Wednesday, so my mother and I will cancel her invitation should she interfere. I want to make this clear, this is a meeting to talk and for her to get to know Shampoo, not an omiai. I'm not about to marry anyone while I still have the `dead mans coin'. Also I haven't told her about the coin or my curse yet. I'm going to, but not yet, so please keep from mentioning it to them. When I do, I'll have to prove to her that magic exists, and I don't want to reveal my father's curse at that time. would one of you or Mousse be willing to prove to her that magic works?"  
"When the time comes, son-in-law, we'd be delighted. Please return an invitation to your mother. We'd like her to try Shampoo's cooking. You're also invited, of course, but try to keep a mob from showing up, and staging a brawl."  
"That would be nice. I expect my mother will be around more than she has of late. When I finally tell her about the coin, I'm sure she'll want to speak to you about it. May I use your phone? I have to invite Kodachi, and I don't want to see her in person."  
***  
beep-beep, beep-beep, click "Moshi moshi, The great house of Kuno. to whom do you wish to speak?"  
"This is Ranma. I'm calling for Kodachi."  
"You do? I'll go get her."  
"Ranma-sama, what bliss to hear from you."  
"Kodachi, my mother's visiting, and she wants to meet you. It would be a private meeting with her and I at the Tendo's on Wednesday afternoon after school."  
"I'll gladly come. Thank you for inviting me."  
"There are three things though. This is supposed to be a quiet, informal meeting. Please don't bring any flowers, or gymnastics tools, or animals. My mother and I will provide any defense necessary."  
"Oh, that removes half the fun. I'll see you two on Wednesday then."  
***  
Ranma returned home, and announced his success in arranging the upcoming meetings. "I may have even convinced Kodachi to show up without an arsenal and a poison dispensary. Cologne and Mousse will keep each other from interfering. If Akane would watch for Ryouga, and Tatewaki, we might be able to hold all three meetings without an attack. Akane, do you mind standing guard for these meetings? You are one of the few people who can reason with Ryouga if he shows up, and everyone knows you could handle Kuno. Even if you no longer defeat him daily, he's never bested you yet."  
"Sure, I guess. as long as I don't have to deal with Kodachi. Do you really think they'll try to interfere?"  
"Not intentionally, but both of them have a tendency to forget everything but their desire to kill me. Luckily both will be distracted by you talking to them, and then you can either trash Kuno, or reason with Ryouga."  
"What about Tsubasa and Mousse?"  
"Tsubasa could be defeated by Nabiki. You can handle him as easily as Cologne can Mousse. Cologne will keep Mousse busy on Tuesday. Besides, Mousse always attacks for some reason. The only reason he'd attack on Ukyou's or Kodachi's night would be if he had to listen to Cologne plotting something. At this point, he's more of an early warning system. I'm going out to the dojo to train."  
***  
Nabiki entered the dojo to talk to Ranma. "Congratulations Ranma, I heard about your speech to Kuno this morning. I'm not sure I can remember anyone else directing him so effectively."  
"Thank you! Before I came here, I would have never even been able to consider it. I spent my whole life learning to fight, but no matter how often I beat up Kuno, he never improves. I realized yesterday that with me unable to change genders, he'd hound me daily. You are the only one I know who actually got him to think something else, so I tried to see how you did it. I begin to see how elegant your handling of him is. I had to bludgeon him with his honor, you could have made him think it was his own idea."  
"Flattery will get you nowhere. But thank you, anyway. You do realize that Kuno is my biggest source of income. Do you see your plans for Kuno to interfere with me?"  
"I hadn't thought of that. There's some information I want from you, but I'm broke, and had nothing to offer you. I'll offer you a trade. I'll tell you everything I plan to tell Kuno, and everything I'd like to do, but haven't figured out how to do, if you'll tell me how Kuno's taking my story."  
"You do know I could learn most of that myself."  
"Of course, thats why I offered to tell you what I'd like to do. I don't want to step on your toes. But after even a temporary reprieve from Kuno's innuendo that I'm performing perversions with myself, I don't see how I can resist trying it in the future. I can't imagine how I'd find out your plans for Kuno, so I'll have to show you mine, or we might bump each other in the dark. I look at it like a three-way fight. Two strangers meet in a wood, to fight a third. They both have different reasons, and aren't on the same side. But they can fight him together if one of them tries to stay out of the others way. If you force me not to fight, we both waste energy on each other. If we both attack as we'd like, without me getting in your way, we can't help but do well. If we keep everything from each other, we might kick each other by mistake."  
"I think I can live with that. Kuno came to me and asked me two yes-or-no questions. He was trying to verify your story without insulting your girl-side's wishes. With the questions he asked, I couldn't help but verify your story. He left to meditate on it. Then he got into a fight with Shampoo when she asked where you were, and he said his usual insulting things about you. He spent the afternoon in the nurses office. Who knows what spin he'll put on your story, but I think you got him to believe it all. Now, spill it."  
"Sure. The biggest thing I want is for him to stop suggesting that I'm molesting my girl-side. He and his sister think we are pursuing each other. The idea turns my stomach. I'm gonna try to convince him that even though some people have said she's Akane's cousin, that we treat each other like family. He shouldn't find that too hard to believe eventually, since I act so similarly in my different forms. We fight the same, mostly. Comments about one of us bothers the other. He'd never believe she were my sister, but we treat each other as brother and sister. She's legally able to decide who she wants to date, but insulting one of us, angers the other. Hopefully this'll keep Kuno from attacking as often, or at least insulting my male form in my female form's face, if I ever have it again."  
"If I could, I'd end his obsession with Akane and me. But I'd have an easier time getting him hooked on Martial Arts Gymnastics, and his sister into Kendo. While I'm at it, I'll wave my hands, and have Hinako-sensei zap Kuno-kouchou daily for hentai thoughts about cutting hair, and convince Happosai to become a pillar of community morality."  
"I've sort of given up on convincing either Tatewaki or Kodachi about my curse. But if I can, They'll stop attacking me. If the opportunity presents itself I'd love them to forget me. Sometimes I dream about Kuno eating one of the drugged dishes from Shampoo, and fall in love with her instead of me."  
Nabiki thought over Ranma's plans. "None of that should hurt my income at all, except curing him of his fixations."  
"The only way I can imagine it working, he'd be fixated on someone else. You'd still make as much money, but over someone else. I'm just worried he could maintain as many fixations at once he wants. I guess I should be glad he doesn't pursue Shampoo, Ukyou, Cologne and Kasumi as well. I wonder, in your professional opinion there'd be any way to link him with Shiratori? The irony would be beautiful. And Kodachi and Mikado deserve each other."  
"I must reserve my professional opinion, but if I worked on people for pleasure rather than money, I'd consider that a wonderfully entertaining project, and possibly a work of art. Your increased deviousness makes you a more interesting conversationalist. I'm off to do homework."  
"So far, it has been a pleasure to fight alongside you."  
* * * 


	5. Chapter 5

Saturday morning dawned, and the minors prepared for their short day of school. As Ranma and Akane run to school, Akane asks Ranma "We're still going to an amusement park today?"  
  
"Sure. We return home to drop off our bags, you can change out of uniform, we have time to eat lunch. You leave, and after you're gone a bit, I'll leave too. If we act normal, we can have a fun afternoon. Everyone will quiz us afterwards, but it'll be too late then."  
  
* * *  
  
"Ranma Saotome! How dare you act so familiar with the fair Akane! For your sacrilege I shall smite you. Take ..." Kuno's face gradually separates from Ranma's sole.  
  
"Well, at least he's only attacking me because of you. One of these days we'll figure a fool proof method to take care of him."  
  
"Some days I feel like talking him into seppuku. There's got to be a less drastic way."  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma spent another morning fidgeting in his chair. As soon as class ends Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou catch each other's eye and nod. then Ranma's off to see Dr. Tofu, and Akane and Ukyou are off to their homes.  
  
* * *  
  
Over lunch, Nodoka asks Ranma and Akane about what their school was like. Ranma and Akane take turns, first describing the male horde that Akane had to beat up when Ranma was still new to the neighborhood. This lead to an explanation of Tatewaki Kuno; his insane pursuit of Akane and Ranko, and his inane poetry. They mentioned briefly that Kodachi was his sister, and lead in directly to discuss his father, the principal of Furinkan. It took some time to discuss the effect that a wealthy Hawaiian-obsessed beach-bum with a fascination for scateboards, explosives, and shaving heads had on a school.  
  
From here they discussed the hiring of Hinako-sensei, and her tendency to drain energy from anyone she thought was misbehaving. In explaining her, they revealed that Happosai was loose from his imprisonment, and ostensibly living in the dojo, although currently out on a trip. There are, after all, only so many undergarments in a given area to steal. He had all of the good ones in the immediate area, and the rest were being carefully protected. No one could stop Happosai, but you could protect a simple white brassiere well enough so he'd go looking elsewhere for pink or black lace. Happosai was an obsessed pervert; he wasn't stupid.  
  
After lunch, While Kasumi and Nodoka (in spite of Kasumi's protests) were cleaning up, Ranma and Akane both went to their rooms.  
  
* * *  
  
Akane comes downstairs a little later, and announces "I'm going out for a while."  
  
No one thinks twice about this. Kasumi calls out "Make sure you aren't late for dinner."  
  
* * *  
  
Ranma enters the living room where Kasumi and Nabiki are enjoying a cup of tea, and a moment of peace. "Kasumi, have you seen Akane?"  
  
"She went out about ten minutes ago."  
  
"Thanks Kasumi. I'm gonna go talk with Kodachi." Ranma puts on shoes and leaves.  
  
"Ranma is going voluntarily to talk to Kodachi?" Nabiki asks.  
  
"Oh my."  
  
* * *  
  
"Akane, Ucchan" Ranma calls out as he sprints up to them. "I think I guaranteed we wouldn't be disturbed by the others looking for us."  
  
"How did you manage that, Ranchan?"  
  
"I told Kasumi and Nabiki that I went to talk with Kodachi while Akane's out. If anybody comes by the dojo looking for Akane or I, they'll wind up in a big brawl at the Kuno mansion. The only people who wouldn't get sucked into it are Nabiki, any boys following Ukyou, and Ryouga (who's as likely to stumble on us as he is the Kuno mansion.)"  
  
Akane bops him lightly on the shoulder, "You know I resent it when you pick on Ryouga like that."  
  
"Do you deny it?"  
  
"No, I just resent it."  
  
* * *  
  
It is lucky, but hardly surprising, that the three of them largely agree on which rides they enjoyed the most. All three of them noticed, but decided not to mention, the tunnel of love, so peace was preserved. None of them felt any strong desire to explore the fun house or the haunted house either.  
  
They spent a little time at the game booths, where Ranma emptied a tank of goldfish using a single paper net. after giving out a few to the young children watching, he sold the rest back to the vendor at a ridiculously cheap price. The vendor was so grateful to get the rest of the fish back after watching his livelihood for the day disappear, that he didn't begrudge Ranma the money, or the fish he gave away. Ranma was able to buy some more snacks with the cash. And although Ranma and the vendor didn't realize it, Ranma's display was pretty good advertisement, and for the next hour, he had more business than usual.  
  
Akane excelled at games based on strength, and had a small crowd of her own, who were amazed to see a small, cute girl successfully performing feats of strength that daunted most men. Meanwhile Ukyou was doing well with the many games requiring throwing something accurately, even the rigged ones. Apparently it is possible to knock over a pyramid of 10 bottles made out of wood, even if they are glued together and glued to the table, if you can throw the ball hard enough.  
  
Soon the three of them made it to the rides. After a tense moment when they found out that the roller-coasters were intended to seat only two people per row, they discovered the fun three friends could have in a seat meant for two.  
  
After enough rides to induce sickness in anyone over the age of 25, they finally decide to take a break, and ride on the ferris wheel.  
  
As the ground fell away beneath them, Ukyou starts up their conversation. "Ranchan, how are you and your mother getting along?"  
  
"Great. She's still a bit shocked over the multiple fiancees, and I think something else is bothering her. But I love telling her about my life. Every meal there's so much to talk about, that afterwards I'm a bit worn out. It's a good thing Dad's staying a panda, or he'd steal half my meal while I was talking. She's just beginning to get an idea about how weird my life is, and we haven't yet broached the subject of magic yet. She's reserving judgment on the fiancee situation until she has met you all, but I can promise you she'll pound pop for what he did to you. I just hope she stops short of killing him. At times he is a bastard, but he's still my father."  
  
Akane adds "So far we've introduced her to Mousse, and told her a bit about the amazons, the Kunos and Hinako-sensei. I never realized how much has happened before I tried to explain it to Ranma's mother. And we're still on the simple, safe subjects."  
  
Ranma continues "It is a bit stressful though. I keep feeling she's about to discover I'm Ranko before I tell her. And I know she'll freak when she discovers my curses, I just wish I knew beforehand how she'll react. Now that I've started telling her about my life, I don't think I can stop even if I wanted to, but I wish I knew if she'll require seppuku from me at the end."  
  
"Ranchan, will you commit seppuku if she requires it?"  
  
"I don't really know. I wouldn't just do it if she demanded it while she was shocked or upset. But if she convinced me I had to in order to maintain honor, I think I might. I've faced death at the hands of others countless times, but my mother scares me more than the other times ever did. I love her, and I want her to be proud of me."  
  
"Ranchan, promise me that we'll talk about it before you do something like that. I think I might go crazy if I thought that whenever you are gone, you might be in danger. If you promise me, then I can say good-night to you without wondering if I'll ever see you again."  
  
"She's right, Ranma. Promise both of us that we'll have a chance to talk to you and your mother before you do something so final."  
  
"You're right. I promise."  
  
* * *  
  
The best cure for melancholy discussion turned out to be a dose of controlled abject fear. They allowed the park's roller-coasters to hurl their bodies through corkscrews with an acceleration of two gravities. It is, of course, impossible to brood over the future, when the present is rushing straight at you, at high speeds.  
  
During another break from the roller-coasters, Ranma spotted Ryouga from the ferris wheel they were riding. "It figures. I didn't do anything to prevent Ryouga from showing up, so he wanders by on his own. I think I can convince him not to fight, if you can talk him into talking with me before he attacks. Could you tell him, and bring him to me? If he sees me first, he'll just attack."  
  
"Promise me you won't fight." Akane insisted.  
  
"I can't promise that. I promise I wont throw the first blow, and that I want him to leave peacefully. But if he does attack me, I'll take him down quickly. His Bakusai Ten Ketsu could easily kill someone around here."  
  
* * *  
  
"Ok, Ranma. What do you want to say to me."  
  
"Ryouga, I'm sick of fighting you over you sleeping in Akane's bed. I've never told her of your curse, and I never intend to. But I feel you have been taking advantage of Akane. I'm honor-bound to keep your secret, and to tell Akane about you. I've finally thought of a solution that will work better than our endless fights. If you don't want to tell her yourself, the next time I catch you taking advantage of Akane's ignorance, I'll tell her that one of the many men who'd like to date with her has a Jusenkyou curse, and disguises himself as P-chan to protect her from me. I'll make sure you have an option to escape; I don't want her to kill you. But she deserves to know she's sleeping in bed with a man."  
  
"Ranma, how DARE you!"  
  
"You have no right to complain, unless you tell her. If she doesn't mind that P-chan is a guy, I'll stop trying to keep you from her room. But if you want to claim to be an honorable martial artist, you had better tell her before you sleep in her bed again. If you want to fight about this, meet me at the dojo. If we injure one of the rides here, someone might die later."  
  
"Curse you, Ranma. I'll meet you tonight at the dojo, and kill you! Uh, which way is it?"  
  
* * *  
  
The end of the day found them happy, tired, and wired. All of their problems had been shunted aside, as the three took a vacation from their normal lives. On the trip home, they resumed their roles as fiancees and rivals, and with the weight of their problems came the exhaustion from the day's excitement. All three were tired, but still happy as they split up for the night.  
  
As Akane and Ranma arrived home, they were greeted by the shocked stares of their families. "Where were you?" Nabiki nearly shouted.  
  
Akane answered "We went to an amusement park with Ukyou."  
  
Nabiki smiles and comments "Do you realize that Shampoo, Mousse and the Kunos got into a fight that destroyed part of the mansion, and left Mousse and Tatewaki in Dr. Tofu's clinic? Kodachi's pet Midorigami is also being treated for cuts, bruises and poisoning, and Kuno-kouchou has left for Hawaii?"  
  
Ranma comments "It couldn't have anything to do with us, we just spent an afternoon having fun."  
  
Nabiki responds "And here I was getting worried that life around here would start to get boring if people stopped coming by to kill you."  
  
* * *  
  
Over dinner Ranma and Akane tell their family about their day. Nodoka comments that Ukyou sounds like a good friend. "She was my best friend when we were growing up. I thought she was a boy. We played and sparred. We always have fun together except when the subject of marriage comes up.  
  
* * *  
  
After dinner, Ranma is surprised by Shampoo. "Ranma, Where did you go today?"  
  
"I went to the amusement park with Akane and Ukyou."  
  
"Why not invite me?"  
  
"Because if I invited all three of you, there would have been a big fight. If I invited one of you, everyone would call it a date, and there would have been a big fight. I just wanted to have some fun for a change. Everyone is always telling me who to marry. I wanted to get away and have fun."  
  
"Would you do fun things with me?"  
  
"I would, if I could. I haven't figured out a way. If we did, it would have to be as friends, and not a date. If we could find a way to do it, I would like that."  
  
"I thought you picked them over me. Please find a way so we can have fun too."  
  
"I'll try."  
  
* * *  
  
"Good evening, Dr. Tofu. Is there a way I can speak with Mousse away from Kuno?"  
  
"Sure Ranma, wait here, and I'll bring him out. He's only staying here overnight as a precautionary measure." Dr. Tofu leaves, and a moment later Mousse emerges.  
  
"What brings you over here, Ranma?"  
  
"Before I begin, I'd like to know if you blame me for your injuries you've received today."  
  
"You make it difficult for me to blame you. Apparently while I was getting beat up, you were at an amusement park with both Akane and Ukyou. Even Shampoo seemed more surprised than anything else."  
  
"She stopped by the dojo an hour ago to ask me why I didn't invite her. I explained I just wanted to have fun with friends, so I couldn't have gone alone with anyone, or everyone would assume it was a date, and I couldn't take her with any of the other girls, or there'd be a fight. She asked me to think of a way, and if you're willing, I've got an idea ..."  
  
* * * 


	6. Chapter 6

Morning dawns through overcast skies. A quiet, steady rain falls. A sense of peace remains over the area. The quiet sussurations of the rain drown out any outside sounds that might have been heard through the walls surrounding the Tendo compound.  
  
Akane has foregone her morning jog, in favor of katas in the dojo. Kasumi and Nodoka have quietly created the mornings meal. Everyone feels calm, and aware; enjoying a peace so precious, that no squabbles occur over breakfast. All of the personal agendas are put aside, in favor of an hour's quiet companionship.  
  
After breakfast, Ranma announces "I'm going to go for a walk. It's been a long time since I enjoyed a rainy day like this, and I have so much to think about."  
  
Ranma drifts through the neighborhood, enjoying the quiet peace. This is the first rainstorm since Jusenkyou he'd been able to enjoy as a male, and he was pleasantly aware of it. Oddly, he didn't feel like doing flips on the top of the fence he was walking beside. He just feels a calm appreciation of his surroundings. He's happy, not extatic, but happy was good enough.  
  
The day seemed better adapted to meditation and contemplation, than to perfecting his athletic prowess. Reaching a park, he wiped excess water off of a park bench, and sat down to watch the scenery.  
  
For the last week, his mind had been constantly awhirl. Forced to consider his own death, marriage, relationship with his mother, possible insanity looming on the horizon, family honor, and fiancees. Problems that he used to ignore, and hope they'd get better over time, were now coming to a head simultaneously.  
  
He felt mentally exhausted, and strangely satisfied. At last he was dealing with his problems. Acting, instead of just reacting to the demands from others. He was risking death if his mother and his honor required it; but if he survived, he'd be free forever from this risk and worry. He was risking being forced to acknowledge one fiancee, and possibly marriage; but this risk had been cropping up weekly for months, it had lost most of its potential to scare him.  
  
Meanwhile, the normal web of conflict that had surrounded Nerima had shifted. Cologne had gone from being his most dangerous adversary to being his greatest hope for surviving. His father is the only one against his plans to tell his mother, and he's been reduced to hiding as a panda. Akane and Ukyou haven't fought all week, and were spending time together as uneasy friends. Shampoo is actually trying to understand Ranma, instead of just glomping onto him, and Mousse is becoming a family friend, rather than a random threat.  
  
Ranma's life looks like a giant free-for-all fight. Where Ranma has to be constantly alert to the actions of everyone else. But being constantly alert can be more tiring than being physically active, so this quiet interlude in the park was affecting Ranma like a well needed balm on the soul. The real world continued beyond his vision in its maddening gyrations, but without Ranma to prod.  
  
As the day progressed, Ranma's thoughts turned toward the pleasant idea of spending the rest of his life like this, quietly resting in the park. But this idea bothered him, it was too much like his father's method of ignoring problems. So around lunchtime, Ranma forced himself to leave his quiet haven, and rejoin the others who wanted a hand in his future.  
* * *  
Akane is in her room doing some homework, when Nabiki knocks on the door. "Come in."  
  
"So how are you getting along with the new Ranma? Your three way date caught me by surprise."  
  
"It wasn't a three way date."  
  
"Well, now that he no longer changes gender, it hardly looks like three girls hanging out anymore, ne?"  
  
"Nabiki, what's gotten into you lately? Your sarcasm has gotten much more bitter this last week."  
  
"You noticed? It's hard to explain. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Remember when we were younger? I was only a few months older than you, but we were very similar. Now we are so different, but we started off nearly the same. In many things we are opposites now. When you are angry, everyone knows it. You have trouble hiding how you feel, and I have trouble showing how I feel. You jump to conclusions, I get reports from other people about what my friends and family are doing. You take risks without knowing what they are, I try to compute the odds beforehand. I don't know which is better, but it does make me painfully aware when you are walking into a situation where you'll be hurt, without being aware of it."  
"What are you driving at, Nabiki?"  
"Ok, let me put this plain. Everyone knows you don't want to marry Ranma. Our neighbors could swear to it in a court of law. Daddy wouldn't have concocted all of these elaborate wedding plans if he didn't know you don't want to marry Ranma, and Ranma doesn't want to marry anyone. If you suddenly did want to marry him, everyone would know at about the same time you found out. But you do have one way of keeping a secret, and you have been keeping something secret for a long time. You keep us from learning your secrets by not admitting them to yourself. You want something from Ranma."  
"I don't want anything from Ranma!"  
"Yes you do. We just don't know what yet. You can't generate this level of emotion from apathy. You probably want a lot of things, many of them minor, but you want something. Compare your feelings about Ranma to your feelings for Gosunkugi, or for the head of Furinkan's sumo club, or for the guy who sits in class in front of Kuno. That's what it feels like to not care for someone. I don't know if you want Ranma's friendship, his defeat, his death, or his respect, but you better figure it out now. You no longer have the luxury of time."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean these wonderfully entertaining antics that you and your friends have been performing for the amusement of your fellow classmates are quickly coming to an end. Within a years time he may be dead or insane. In a few days time, his mother might have him married or commit seppuku. Either way, It will be too late to discover what you want from him. He's just as bad at this as you are, but after he dies, you'll be the one living with regrets.  
"Why are you getting so mad about this, Nabiki? Why does this bother you so much?"  
"Well, how would you react, if I had everything going for me, everything I want within grasp if I could only decide, and then you had to watch me run towards the only cliff, ready to jump off?"  
"How do I have everything going for me?"  
"If you were interested in any boy at Furinkan other than Ranma, he'd gladly go out with you. They used to get beaten up daily just to let you know that. For that matter, many of the girls would have been flattered had you asked them out. Even after pounding Ranma daily, he still defends you whether you want him to or not. Make any choice at all, and your odds are better than most people of it coming true."  
"But I don't know what I want!"  
"I know. But if you wait to find out, you'll discover it too late."  
* * *  
After getting his (now normal) daily checkup at Dr. Tofu's, Ranma headed over to the Nekohanten. While he devoured a goodly helping of ramen, Cologne looked him over for any changes. "Ranma, you seem quieter than usual. Has anything happened today, that I should know about?"  
  
"I've just been spending the day thinking in the park. There is something that you should know. You must have heard about my trip to the Amusement park with Akane and Ukyou. Shampoo asked me if I could do the same thing with her. I've thought of a method to spend more time with Shampoo, but it will fail if anyone tries to take advantage of the situation. I want to run it by you and see if you think it is worthwhile, even if it doesn't lead to a formal marriage ceremony. If you oppose it, it wont work anyway."  
  
"What did you have in mind?"  
* * *  
Ranma comes up to talk to Shampoo when she's alone. "Shampoo, I've thought of something so that we can go have some fun. But I don't know if it would work. You might find it too difficult."  
"Tell me how! I am an amazon. I succeed at nearly everything. I fight past any obstacle."  
"The obstacle is you. For this to work, you have to do some difficult things. Three of us are going to go out as friends. None of us are going to talk about love, or marriage. Everyone must have a good time, and we must treat all of us well; no one should be excluded, or feel left out."  
"That sounds OK. Why is it so hard? Who is the third person? Kodachi? Ukyou?"  
"No, it would be Mousse. You'd have to treat Mousse the same as me. The three of us would do things together. The hard part is that it wont work if Mousse feels like he's second-best, or acting just as a chaperone. But if it works, all three of us can have a good time together."  
"Your right. that is hard. I need to think about it, but I think I want to try it."  
"I'll talk to Mousse about it. He'll have to promise to treat you as a friend, and not shout about his love to you. That will make it easier for you too."  
* * *  
As evening approaches, Ranma heads home, and enters the dojo. Akane is already there exercising, and soon the two of them fall to talking while performing katas.  
  
"Where were you all day? No one's seen you since breakfast."  
  
"I spent a lot of time just thinking. And enjoying the quiet in the park during the rain. I also spent time preparing the roots for transplanting. I'm trying to find an alternative to being ambushed, and pestered to go on dates. I think my biggest problem right now is figuring out how to convince my mother that magic isn't just from stories or in the distant past, but a bloody nuisance on a daily basis for a lot of us."  
  
"You're going to have to get Mousse or Shampoo to transform for her. You and your father can't right now."  
  
"Yeah. Mousse would be easiest. If that doesn't work, I'll beg Cologne for more of that one-shot nanniichuan. You can't disbelieve in magic when you watch your gender change in the bathtub."  
  
"You'd curse your mother?"  
  
"I'd never curse my enemies, much less my mother. But the one-shot version wears off so quickly. If you tried it, you might not be so quick to call me a pervert."  
  
"I'm not enough a pervert to want to turn into a boy in the bath. Keep your powder."  
  
"Be glad you get a choice in the matter. You don't realize what a pleasure it is not to change form, until you regain your stability. It might be worth the one year death sentence. You don't know what this last week was like for me. My mother and my death by seppuku are rolled together, and cooking dinner with Kasumi. My manhood and my death in a year are combined in this coin stuck to me. I can now outfight everyone, so now I find myself sparring mentally with everyone. I have one foot in the grave, and I've never felt so alive. Never felt so tired."  
  
"Tired?"  
  
"Exhausted. Not physically tired, I could sprint to school and back, but I'd rather just relax. Yesterday was great. I wish there were more days like that where we could set aside this endless conflict, and just relax together. I wonder what it'd be like to get lost like Ryouga does. Maybe someday I'll take a few weeks off, spend one week getting as far away as possible, one week traveling randomly, and leave a week to get back. Three weeks without plots, deceptions, misunderstandings, and unreasonable expectations sounds like heaven now."  
  
"It hasn't been that bad around here lately, has it?"  
  
"No, but all of the problems remain. They just aren't calling for attention now. Sometimes I feel like everyone is waiting for me to make decisions, and not only do I have no idea what I ultimately want, I can't even think about it dispassionately, because everyone else is so anxious to influence my decision. Everybody around seems to have pinned their hopes to my future; if I do die in a year, I wonder how everything will be resolved."  
* * * 


	7. Chapter 7

Morning finds Ranma and Akane walking to school. Ranma is, of course, walking on top of the fence, but he doesn't seem fully awake. His eye lids are heavy, and the spring in his step is weaker than usual.  
"You're lucky you don't have to spar with your father these mornings. With the way you're half asleep, he'd have woken you through submersion in the koi pond."  
"Pop actually tried to give me that `You've been taking it too easy. Martial arts isn't a part time job.' speech this morning. He still thinks everything will stay the same as it ever has. I invited him to spar with me, but of course he's too scared of being caught by mom. I would have thought he'd try running for it by now, but I think he's hoping he can diffuse the situation if he stays."  
"The more you tell your mother, the less likely this will blow over."  
"It can't blow over. I've hoped for so long that I could resolve everything before I met my mother officially, but that'll never happen. The longer I take, the harder it will be when she finally does find out. One way or another, mom will find out everything over the next few days, and hopefully we'll still be a complete family at the end. I *REALLY* don't want to go to school today."  
"Why not?"  
"There are two things running through my head that are trying to distract me. One is wondering how my mother will react when Ukyou tells her about us abandoning her when we were 6. The other is the blissful memory of how soft my pillow seemed as I was waking up this morning. I don't see how I'm going to pay any attention in school today, between an overwhelming desire to go back to sleep, and the recurring image of my mother filleting a panda."  
* * *  
It was a long day of school, made longer for Ranma by his interminable boredom, and his inability to sleep well in class due to his teachers' bizarre requirements that he stay awake during the lectures he was otherwise ignoring.  
Finally it ended, and Ranma headed off for his checkups. During his examination by Cologne, he brought up a new topic. "I need advice on two subjects, The first has to do with my neko-ken. I'm going to tell my mother about my aversion to cats soon, and I was wondering what the effect of the dead man's coin will have if I slip into the neko-ken?"  
"You want me to accurately predict the effect of an ancient artifact, which normally drives the wearer slowly insane, that is interacting in some bizarre manner with your Jusenkyou curse on a person suffering a schizophrenic attack caused by an acute phobia instilled in your formative years? Just avoid it at all costs. At best you'll wind up with a hairless panda suffering from multiple surface lacerations. I couldn't even say for sure that you'd recover your senses, or that you might not strike out against everybody, friend or foe, and I'm not sure if you could be stopped, without having to kill you. I hope your other question is less morbid."  
"It should be. What method would you use to acquaint someone like my mother with magic?"  
"You want to make sure she believes your history? I'll ask Mousse to demonstrate his curse. If she refuses to believe, I can cast something temporary and harmless on her. There is always a chance she will deny even that evidence, but I have found that the few people who will persist in denying that much evidence, never will believe in magic, and might lose their own sanity trying to deny a reality that they aren't equipped to deal with. Now you can answer a question for me. How do you think your mother is likely to try to resolve your multiple commitments?"  
"I really don't know. All of the obvious solutions will please no one. If I could have figured out a path on my own, I'd have mentioned it already. I hope she can analyze this better than I, or I may have to take my own life."  
***  
After he finished with his precautionary health measures, he picked up Ukyou at her Okonomiyaki-ya, and the two of them walked to the Tendo's home.  
"Ranchan, I'm having a hard time dealing with the number of ways you might die in the near future. If there were an enemy to fight, I could deal with it; but between the coin, the risk of seppuku over your multiple engagements, or over whether you're manly enough for your mother to prevent her from demanding your death... I remember how it felt when I lost you when I was six. If you die, I don't know what I'll do. I keep shying away from thinking about it, and then come back to it. It's like prodding a wound, that can't heal due to the constant prodding."  
Ranma nods. "If there was someone to defeat, I'd trust my life to my skill, and if my skill wasn't enough, I'd go build up more, and try again. But I feel like I'm carrying my death within me. I feel like my mind has been rubbed with sandpaper; all of my feelings are stronger, and tinged with pain. Everything good or bad hits me with ten times its normal feeling; plus a pain that this might end soon, and that my future is more insecure than ever before in my life."  
***  
"Mother, I'd like to present to you my best friend from childhood, Ukyou Kuonji. Apparently our fathers affianced us when we were six." Ranma escorted Ukyou into the room where his mother was waiting, and they sat down to talk. Kasumi had thoughtfully left tea and cups for the three of them.  
"I'm pleased to meet such a good friend of my son. Please relax, and tell me about how you two met."  
"Well, the first time I saw Ranchan ..."  
* * *  
"... so I ran after the yatai, until I tripped. Ranma was sitting on top waving back to me, and calling something."  
Ranma's mother was understandably shocked. "That's horrible. Ranma, you must tell me how much of this you remember, and how much of this you are responsible for."  
"Ucchan was my best friend. At the time I thought she was another boy, and no one told me anything about there being an engagement. When Ukyou returned, pop confirmed her story, but said that the final decision to leave had been mine because he had asked me which I preferred, Ukyou or Okonomiyaki, and I said Okonomiyaki."  
"Has Genma done anything to get this engagement annulled?"  
"Not directly. He's told Soun that it is a valid engagement. The only thing he's tried was to get me married off to Akane when no one else was looking."  
"How did you two meet again?"  
"Well, after the Saotomes were gone, I swore I would no longer be a woman, and dedicated my life to Okonomiyaki and revenge. For ten years I lived as a boy, training to fight and to cook. I found out that the Saotomes were here, and enrolled in Ranma's class. I thrashed Genma, and challenged Ranma the next day. For the first half of the battle, Ranma tried to find out why I was furious. When he gave up, he started attacking me, and eventually noticed that I was binding my breasts. I still wanted to trash him for stealing my youth, and ruining my chances for a husband. He told me I should have no trouble finding a husband, because he thought I was cute. After that, I started to see the good qualities Ranma has. I want to marry him, and I think I'm the best fiancee for him."  
"Why do you think you'd be a better wife than Akane?"  
"Because I listen to him when he explains things instead of beating him up first. Because I care for him and I am willing to show it. Because I'm an excellent cook, and a successful business woman at the age of sixteen. I'm a better martial artist. I've grown up on the road like he has, and my last ten years as a boy has given me a unique perspective on some of the things Ranma has gone through. I asked for this engagement when I was younger, and want it to go through now, unlike Akane, who was assigned to marry Ranma to satisfy their fathers' prides."  
Nodoka thought for a bit, and responded, "If it weren't for all of the agreements already binding Ranma, I would welcome your interest in him. Ranma is blessed to have a friend such as you. I don't know yet how we will resolve all of our family's commitments, but it is obvious that Genma's actions have put us in your debt. I also promise that I will bring up the matter of the way you were abandoned when I finally do see my husband. As a father, himself, he should have known better than behave that way to a child, even if he didn't expect that she might someday be his own daughter. Please tell me some more about your life after you settled in Nerima."  
"Well, with the number of boys interested in Akane, it seemed that the fastest way to loose Ranma from his commitments would be to help Akane fall for someone else. If she were happily engaged to another martial artist, and if the fate of the Tendos dojo were secure, then the Tendos would likely forgive Ranma's engagement to Akane. The likeliest candidate was Ranma's sparring partner, Ryouga. Unfortunately, he's too shy to tell her that he loves her, and she's too oblivious to realize it, herself. She's so sure of her own opinions that she won't let a little thing like reality interfere, unless it makes itself extremely apparent. Of course, Akane isn't as bad as the Kunos, who rarely let reality color their delusions. ..."  
***  
Afterwards, Ranma walked Ukyou home in silence. Ukyou had spent the last hour or so talking, and Ranma seemed to be brooding. Towards the end of their walk, Ranma finally speaks.  
"I wish my dad had taken you with us. Sometimes I think all of my troubles wouldn't have happened if I grew up with you. I know it would have been more fun going from place to place with you along. I dunno what our engagement would have been like, but I missed your friendship, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I'm the best at what I wanted all my life, and now it all seems a waste of time. My life is a tangled mess, and my death lies at the end of so many paths. The ones where I don't die are worse. Me living without honor, hurting so many people. And all those pains of all of you are reflected on me. Sometimes seppuku seems pleasant by comparison.  
"How can I make you and Akane and I and my parents happy? Anything I can choose will make enemies of Cologne and Happosai. You know I care about you and Akane. I've shared so much with you, you have to see it. Well, none of this is likely to matter a year from now. If we can't get this coin removed, I'll take my own life before I go mad and endanger you all. If we do remove it, my mother'll ask me to kill myself to preserve family honor; either for my curse, or for my multiple engagements."  
"Ranchan, don't worry so much. Your mother will take care of this fiancee mess. Maybe she'll find a way to annul them all, and you'll finally be allowed to choose for yourself."  
"Do you really think I'm going to select a bride? Upset two of you, and widow the third within a year? You think I'd willingly do that to any of you? Of course I'm putting it off. After my death I won't be able to hurt any of you anymore. Akane will cry to P-chan, and maybe Ryouga'll ask her out. The whole school wanted to date her. Shampoo is so overconfident and sloppy in her fighting that someone else will defeat her. Hopefully my death'll allow her to return to China before she's restrained by a law officer and tries to force him into wedlock. It's you that I worry about. I've already abandoned you once when we were six. Doing it again is too cruel. I wish you had another boyfriend. I know what it's like to be without friends. each time you gain and lose them the pain is worse, and I can't be there for you after I'm gone."  
"Don't say things like that, Ranchan."  
"If I don't say it now, it'll be too late. I'm saying it too late as it is. I wish I had done it a long time ago. But I didn't want to lose your friendship. Now it's too late for choices. I'm not likely to marry before I die. I'd like to see you happy before then."  
*** 


	8. Chapter 8

Once again Ranma and Akane walked to school. Ranma is brooding, and forgoing his customary fence walking. Akane is watching him puzzled.  
Finally Akane asked him, "What's got you so down? You've been glum all morning."  
"I've been thinking about disappointing people. Did you know that when pop tried to teach me the cat-fist I was actually upset with myself that I couldn't do it the way he wanted? It took me a while to realize that it wasn't my fault that I developed my phobia. That it was the fault of the training technique. That was the first time I can remember seriously disappointing someone."  
"You're worried about explaining your fear to your mother?"  
"That's not what I'm talking about. All my life my father wanted me to be the best martial artist, and I wanted it too. It was easy to please him, I just did my best, and learned everything he taught me. But now I've got a dozen people who've pinned their hopes on my future actions. I'd like to make everyone happy, but they all want contradictory things. Some of the things that they want are just impossible, like me loving Kodachi, or me not going insane in a year. I've never really had to deal with this before."  
"But these problems have surrounded you for months. Why are you worrying about it now?"  
"I started thinking about it last night, when I told Ukyou that I wasn't likely to choose a wife only to hurt the others, and widow her in a year. In the past there was always a chance that I'd find a way out of these conflicting promises. But now I see how unlikely that is. I'm going to choose a future, and hurt a lot of people. And I don't know how to choose, or what to choose, or even if I have the right to choose."  
"What kind of future do you want?"  
"I really don't know. Most of my actions before I came to live here were to make my father proud. That lasted up until he hit me with that double blow of a Jusenkyou curse followed by announcing I was engaged to someone less than an hour before we got to your home. I assumed I'd eventually get married and pass on my training to my kids, but not for a long time yet. And I thought that I'd marry for love, not because of some old men want a comfortable retirement, or because my pop got hungry one day."  
"That part I can understand. Just because I hated boys when you arrived, doesn't mean I didn't have dreams about being happily married. I heard about the engagement minutes before you arrived, and I was dead set against it. I would have objected stronger at that point, but both Kasumi and Nabiki were willing to accept it, I assumed one of them would have been chosen."  
"Back then it seemed so simple. Convince Pop to change his mind about the engagement, and return to China to find a cure, either order would be fine. I was sure we had lost Shampoo by coming back to Japan. But Pop kept me here, and everyone from my past decided to drop by. And then the list of promises my dad made. And for every promise, comes a sparring partner, who feels the day isn't complete if they don't try to kill me. I don't mind the fighting, but I hate it when they interrupt things just because they've got to fight right now. I mean, besides Ryouga, none of them have an excuse for not fighting me at an agreed on time or place."  
"Why do you constantly pick on Ryouga?"  
"You don't think his constantly attacking me day and night is enough of a reason?"  
"Of course not. Everyone does that around here."  
"That's true. There's a lot about Ryouga I can't tell anyone. It'd be dishonorable. But I might be able to explain how I feel about him without explaining the details why. Let me think about it during class. I'll tell you what I've decided later  
***  
"Nabiki Tendo, my long separation from my pigtailed goddess drives me to skirt her displeasure. My heart is filled with the need to speak with her. Is there any way I might do so without violating her self-imposed sanctuary?"  
"Sorry, Kuno-chan, I haven't seen her all week. I don't really know where she could be found. It's not a question of money, desire, or determination. I don't know any way you could see her until she returns."  
"Ahh, how can I possibly last until I can express my feelings again to her."  
"Well, for a small fee, I could probably get a letter to her. For 2,000 yen."  
"How could you deliver a letter without knowing her location?"  
"It's a simple process. If I told you, you wouldn't need me to act as a middleman. It also wont break her self imposed exile, but I doubt she can send back a reply."  
"Tell me at once!"  
"10,000 yen please."  
"That's outrageous!"  
"You have the money, I know. I haven't had any new pictures of her to sell to you for a while. You can always pay me 2,000 per message."  
"Here's the 10,000. Tell me the method of delivery."  
"Simple. Send the letter to Ranma to forward to her. He's keeping her abreast of the goings on around here."  
"But how could I trust that base cur to deliver such a message accurately?"  
"Well, either you could trust because I said it would work, or you could convince me to tell you some things about Ranma and the pigtailed girl that you don't know yet."  
"Tell me at once!"  
"10,000 yen please."  
"This is torture."  
"Is the great Kuno putting money before the importance of the pigtailed girl?"  
"Here's 10,000."  
"Thank you. Regardless of what you think of Ranma, when it comes to the pigtailed girl, he can't lie to her. Why if his hold on her was based on flimsy lies, you'd have broken her free by now. In this regard at least, Ranma is her prisoner. If Ranma gets your letter, the pigtailed girl will know it's contents as if she read them herself."  
"It is painful doing business with you, yet you constantly find new things that remain hidden from others. It's such a pity."  
"Kuno, you never change."  
"True perfection can not improve."  
"Have you considered electroshock?"  
***  
"Have you decided what you can tell me about Ryouga?"  
"Yes, but I can't tell you anything he has done, especially if it is something you would object to."  
"You sound more like you are protecting him, rather than explaining why you are picking on him."  
"I probably wouldn't pick on him if I wasn't protecting him."  
"Could you explain that without making my head spin?"  
"OK. Ryouga actually believes in bushido. He wants to be an honorable man. He doesn't ignore honor when it's inconvenient, like my father, or deny his dishonorable actions like Kuno does. For these reasons, I have to try to respect his actions and decisions, and keep things I know about him private. If he does something embarrassing or stupid, I'd never spread it around school. But he's done a lot of things that bother me, and would bother others if they know; things only he and I know about. I can't stop him from doing them, I can't tell others about them. I'm stuck tacitly permitting things to continue. When I'm feeling philosophic, I can just chalk it up to his own learning experience. No one can stop you from making the mistakes you need in order to learn, or advance your soul from life to life. But most of the time it gets me really pissed at him. He's put me in a situation where there's nothing I can do."  
"I can't believe he'd intentionally do something wrong."  
"He doesn't. If he did, I could despise him, and be done with it. He gets trapped in situations, and lets embarrassment, anger, or dread keep him from doing the right thing. Let me see if I can explain, by analogy to a bad situation I got in. Imagine my curse was worse than it is. Imagine when I'm in my normal form I was completely invisible. Do you remember the day we met? Imagine I was invisible when you entered the bathroom. You saw the look of shock on my face, so you know that If I had a choice, I wouldn't have done that to you. But imagine that you didn't know I was there, and I couldn't leave without you realizing I was there. Imagine I spent the time during your bath facing the wall, but I'd have still seen more of you than you'd have liked. Imagine that I never told you about it for fear of being pounded for something I would never have done intentionally, and because of that, similar situations like that kept happening. It's a situation only a pervert would try to get into, but once it happens accidentally, you either hide it or be branded a pervert. Ryouga's situation is like that. Through accident, he's done things that'd upset others, and because he doesn't tell anyone, he winds up doing it again. Unfortunately, my punishment is to be the only one who knows what he's doing, and honor bound to keep it quiet. He's a good person trying to be good, but not very good at it."  
"Why did you have to use such a weird analogy to explain Ryouga's actions?"  
"Because Ryouga's situation is so unique. Anything more normal might have given you a hint of what he's done."  
"I still don't see why that gets you angry at him."  
"You're not seeing it from my perspective. look. Imagine you have two friends, a guy and a girl. The guy keeps seeing more of the girl than either of them would think is decent. You and the guy are the only two that know, and you realize the guy would rather not be in that situation in the first place. You are honor bound to keep quiet, so you wait for him to admit his problem to her so she can stop it. But he doesn't because he doesn't want to upset her, he doesn't want her to think he's a pervert. So you wind up watching him accidentally oggling your friend's poorly clothed body. Now how would you react? Eventually you'd get frustrated with both of them, and clobber him."  
***  
"Once again I find I must demean myself by dealing with you in order to get my message of love to my pigtailed girl. Oh, how the heavens must weep that two noble beings such as myself and my goddess, must resort to a cur as you to pass our messages."  
"What makes you think I'll deliver letters to her for you?"  
"Quoth Nabiki `Regardless of what you think of Ranma, when it comes to the pigtailed girl, he can't lie to her. If Ranma gets your letter, the pigtailed girl will know it's contents as if she read them herself.'"  
"As usual, her information's accurate. What did she charge for this?"  
"20,000 yen"  
"Her information is accurate, but you haven't thought this through. I don't mislead her, but I'd rather tear up your letter, than read it and pass the contents to her."  
"You would dare interfere with my communication?"  
"Of course, I dare! You consistently demean me and then ask for favors! I'm no servant of yours. You attack me on the day we met because my father and Akane's father insist I stay at their house! You brand me an enemy without waiting for explanation. You fail to respect my skills. And through poorly thought out words you denigrate the skill of those you claim to love."  
"I cannot allow those last two statements to proceed unchallenged. You continue to elude defeat at my hands only through trickery, and I'd never slight my beloved's skills."  
"Regardless of what you think of our fights, I am the only one in Furinkan to defeat Akane in combat."  
"You have surely deceived her."  
"Do you think so little of her skill in martial arts to think she'd be so deceived? She admits that I'm a better fighter! She doesn't like to, no competent martial artist would. But she doesn't deny it. And it is no slight on her that she loses. She always tries her best, and despite my teasing her, she consistently improves. I've been training longer and harder than her for most of my life. No honor is ever lost losing to a superior opponent if you've tried your best. You can't denigrate my skill without slighting Akane. And my skill matches your goddess's. When you first saw her, she hadn't developed her speed. But now her speed compensates for her reduced upper body strength. Your darlings and I all fight in the same school. Our skills are directly comparable. If you insult my skill, you insult them."  
"Then I will not insult your skill, but your morals instead. Your hold on the pigtailed goddess is unholy, and I will free her!"  
"After all of this time, you should understand the nature of our link. You would have figured it out long ago if you didn't think of her as just a woman."  
"She isn't just a woman, she's a goddess on earth!"  
"She's a warrior first and foremost. From China we've fought our way back to Japan, and we've protected each other ever since. You cannot kill one of us without killing us both. We're closer than lovers. I could no easier hurt her, than hurt myself. The idea of a romantic liaison between us is unthinkable. I don't see how you could hope to win her regard by spitting on her other half. Have you ever seen me do anything romantic to her? Have I ever slighted her? Of course she treats you as I would. We are one mind and body, and all your attempts to free her merely confirm to her my opinion of you."  
"Can this be true? Have I mistaken the pure love of comrades in arms for the depraved lust of an undisciplined youth? It is like a veil being drawn from my eyes! This explains everything! The way you drop into each other's fights! The reason she reacted oddly to my insults of you. Ranma, I still don't trust you, but this news of yours has all the earmarks of truth. I must think on this some more. We will talk on this again later!"  
***  
School finally ended, and Ranma headed off for his checkups, and to pick up Shampoo for here introduction to his mother. Cologne volunteered Mousse's help. "I told Mousse he would demonstrate his curse for your mother, as the side effects of Shampoo's transformation are unpredictable. I was surprised at how readily he agreed. If this is the result of your agreed upon outing with Mousse and Shampoo, then I'm glad. If you and Mousse are plotting something, I'll be severely disappointed."  
"I have said one thing to Mousse that you might dislike. I told him I was honorbound to marry three women, Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo. My mother will inevitably want this resolved before my death, which means this terrible period of confusion has an end in sight, and there's only a 1 in three chance that I'll be paired with Shampoo. That's the depth of my plotting with Mousse. I've made no promises to him about Shampoo; I just pointed out that this craziness would inevitably end."  
"That explains his willingness to expedite matters. Regardless of what you think of my treatment of Mousse, I do realize that the uncertainty of this situation is as hard on him as it is on Shampoo."  
"As it is on me. Though I've tried to accept it."  
***  
Ranma, Mousse and Shampoo walked to the dojo. Without the usual dialogue of glompings and death threats, no one knew how to start a conversation. Finally Ranma breaks the awkwardness asking "So where and when do you want to go for our outing?"  
"I hadn't thought about it."  
"Me neither."  
"How about taking a train into the countryside? We can enjoy the quiet and the scenery, and if we get bored, we can always spar. We can go Saturday after I get out of class, and if it's raining, we can go on Sunday instead."  
"What about other people interfering?"  
"Just tell everyone we're going to the same amusement park. That's probably what they are expecting anyway. If they have nothing better to do than ruin our fun, we'll send them in the wrong direction."  
***  
"Mom, before I introduce Shampoo to you, Mousse has agreed to help demonstrate something you have to know. I've run into a couple of things that can only be explained as magic. I've had to live with this, and you wont be able to understand the full fiancee situation without believing it yourself. Mousse has offered to help."  
"Is he going to demonstrate some martial arts move that normal humans couldn't match? That'd hardly been convincing. I've seen many martial arts moves that boggle the eyes, but are just the result of skill and training."  
"No, Mousse will demonstrate his Jusenkyou curse. He fell into a spring in China that turned him into a thermal aquamorph." Mousse removes his kimono to reveal he's wearing a t-shirt and shorts. "Mousse turns into a duck when hit by cold water." With that Mousse up-ends a glass of cold water, and turns into a bespectacled duck. "Hot water turns him back."  
"That's impossible. Isn't it?"  
***  
"Mom, have you recovered from the shock yet?"  
"I think it'll take a while for me to fully adjust. Why don't you go ahead and introduce tonight's guest?"  
"Mother, I'd like to present to you the most accomplished of the tribe of Chinese amazons of her generation, and heir apparent for its leadership, Shampoo. Through ignorance of their customs, and after alot of confusion I have unintentionally proved my right to marry her. I have also compromised her honor by defeating her in public in a martial arts contest. For her to regain her honor we must marry. Also, at present there is some question as to whether I have any say in whether or not we marry, as I'm only a man, In addition, over time she has become a friend."  
"I'm pleased to meet any friend of my son. His introduction has raised more questions than it has answered. Please, tell me about yourself."  
"I've devoted myself to becoming the best fighter in the village. Unfortunately We aren't allowed to marry outsider males unless they can best us in combat. I was the best I ever saw under the age of 25. ... "  
***  
"So I tracked Ranma here. At that point I still wanted to defeat him. When here, I realized I found someone I could marry. But Ranma tricked me to protect Akane. He convinced me he didn't qualify for my laws to let us marry. I tried to attack, but I couldn't. I cared for him. so I went back home in disgrace."  
"But elders revealed Ranma's trick, and ruled us married, and sent me to bring husband home. But at this time I got a Jusenkyou curse. ..."  
***  
"Shampoo, I'm still having trouble believing in these curses. Would you be willing to demonstrate?"  
"OK, but ..."  
"I better wait outside. She falls out of her clothes when she transforms. Please call me when she's redressed."  
***  
"Shampoo, would you mind explaining in your own words why your great-grandmother believes your tribal laws take precedence over Ranma's arranged marriages?"  
"Our laws have allowed us to remain strong. To protect our culture for far longer than your race's history. While Japan was protected from the mainland by sea, We've faced Mongols, Power-hungry Emperors, Lascivious Warlords, and throughout this we've maintained our culture, and our respect for our laws. Many of the items of your culture of which you are proud can trace their roots to China, if not the Amazons. We aren't as strong as we have been in the past, but we are the proud descendants of a culture spanning three thousand years intact and undefeated. Compared to our laws, all others are but recent agreements, unlikely to last another thousand years. Ranma came to our village, and is subject to our laws. He then fled, for reasons we didn't understand at the time, so we were sent to bring him back for our laws to be carried out. If we wanted to, we could ask the Chinese ambassador to request him to be extradicted, but that would be pointless. Our village doesn't want him as a prisoner. I don't want him as my prisoner, I want him as my husband. When I chased him, I wanted to kill him, but now I love him. I will fight for him until they kill me, and if they don't kill me honorably, there will be war between my village and my murderer's clan, and that clan will cease to exist."  
"I understand that you want Ranma to come of his own free will, why do you think you'd be the best wife for Ranma?"  
"I spent my life training. I am the best fighter of a tribe of fighters, and the heir to a collection of martial arts secrets larger than any collection in Japan. Two of Ranma's three most powerful attacks he learned from great-grandmother. Among us he will be able to realize his true potential, surpassing even the dragon's son Herb. I love him, and don't abuse him like Akane. I am the strongest, and most beautiful. I have even learned Japanese just to talk with him. If his father bothered learning the language before charging through our country like a wounded ox, Ranma's life would have been much easier. Many people have tried to catch me, only Ranma has succeeded. After so many have failed to win my love, it's absurd if Ranma forsakes me."  
"Ranma is blessed to have a girl such as you interested in him. Were it not for all of the commitments that bind him, this would be a happy occasion. None-the-less, I am pleased to meet you. Please tell me about your experiences in Nerima."  
"Great-grandmother and I opened a restaurant named after my cursed form. We figured that after martial arts, Ranma and Genma's biggest passion was food. Of course we didn't know he had earlier sold Ranma for an okonomiyaki yatai then. ..."  
***  
Over dinner Kuno laments "Oh, we must surely have been cursed by the gods, for I have learned today that our assumptions of the bond between Ranma and my pigtailed goddess were in error; and that our efforts to free them were misdirected, and doomed to failure. How could I have missed the signs of a pure love of surpassing innocence."  
"Speak plainly, oniichan, what do you know of the bond between those two that I do not?"  
"They experience a love, the type of which can never receive consummation, and which, as yet neither of us have ever had the blessing to experience. Such a love that all our attempts to drive them apart merely reflected poorly upon us, causing our love borne entreaties to mock us, and drive our desired away."  
"You're speaking in riddles, oniichan."  
"Why, thank you."  
"That was not a compliment! What type of love binds those two?"  
"It is the love of a brother in arms. They are closer than siblings, yet without the passions of a romantic love. To hurt or insult one, is a blow to the other. Their opposition to our suits springs merely from our behavior against their protector. They fought their way through China to Japan, and trust each other implicitly. When we were fighting for their release, we should have been trying to develop a relation of trust and respect."  
"I? Respect that roach-girl? Never."  
"Then you'll never truely have Ranma, for they value each other's opinions as their own. When you have completely won him, then my pigtailed goddess will automatically be your friend."  
"Can this be true? Did that roach fight me merely for her school's honor, and to support Akane? I alienated her because I thought she wanted Ranma for herself, when she only wanted a part of him that I never wanted? Ranma has never claimed her as a fiancee like all of the other hussies that surround him, trying to bind him by family honor. I must have this confirmed by Ranma himself."  
***  
Nabiki entered the dojo to talk to Ranma. "OK, what happened. Kuno was acting weird all afternoon after he left to give you a letter. What happened?"  
"I actually managed to convince him, I think, that I don't lust after my other half. We are now comrades in arms. The pigtailed girl avoids him because he constantly insults me. We tell each other everything because we're closer than brother and sister, but completely devoid of lascivious intent. It explains everything about us, besides the fact I changed from one to the other when soaked. If I can reinforce this, he'll maintain whatever obsessions he wants, but hopefully treat me with some respect. It'll cut down on the number of times I have to knock him out."  
"That makes sense. No one is stupid enough to bet on a Kuno fight, so dropping those fights wont decrease my betting pool. It might also reduce damages around here. This also might make him act in a new manner. He's been pretty repetitive for the last couple months. Any change would be welcome. I'll reinforce your ideas on him, maybe this'll stick in his mind. You can never tell what he will internalize mentally."  
***  
Ranma is performing his kata when a wind of black rose petals flies in. "Uh, hello Kodachi. It'd be a bad time to paralyze me or drug me. If my mother caught us together that way, she'd get a bad first impression before meeting you tomorrow."  
"I'm sorry, but I didn't come here to indulge in pleasant diversions. My brother told me that you and that girl who sometimes bears your name are only comrades in arms. Is this true?"  
"Yes. We don't have, and never did have any romantic interest in each other. Her name is Ranko Tendo, Akane's cousin, and my mother is rather protective of her."  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  
"You never stopped to listen. Didn't you find it odd that none of my fiancees dislike her? Out of everyone interested in me, you're the only one to attack her? That is besides Akane, She attacks everyone other than her sisters."  
"I'm going to have to think about this. See you tomorrow."  
*** 


	9. Chapter 9

As Akane and Ranma run to school, Ranma announces "This Saturday Mousse, Shampoo and I are going to spend an afternoon together like we did with Ukyou."  
"You plan to date Shampoo?" Akane is about to clock him. "Ranma ..."  
"It's not a date! I'm spending time with a couple of friends. What's wrong with you? Are you waiting to pounce on me?"  
"You know how I feel about Shampoo!"  
"That's one of the reasons you aren't invited."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I want to enjoy myself. Not be in the middle of a war, where you try to beat me up for everything Shampoo does, because you know she'd clean your clock if you attacked her."  
"How dare you say that!"  
"Because it's true. Shampoo is stronger and more skilled than you are, and you often attack me for her actions. It's practically a damned cliche: She demonstrates her affection, you punt me across town, I have to run back because otherwise she'll kill you."  
"I can take her anytime!" Akane begins trying to hit Ranma with her mallet.  
"Now you sound like Kuno, 'Ranma, You'll never defeat me!' I would have thought you were brighter than him."  
"How dare you compare me to him!"  
"You practically force the comparison. You and Kuno occasionally win when you find some advantage, but otherwise you lose. You both are full of empty boasting, and prone to swinging a weapon whenever someone tries to tell you you're wrong. He's a delusional samurai wannabe, what's your excuse?"  
"How dare you!"  
"You said that already. Why don't you prove me wrong. Stop trying to hit me, you wont connect anyway, and try calm debating. I know it's not your strong suit, but you should be able to think without a mallet. Do you even have a reason for attacking me? I mean besides `You make me so angry.' People would think you were a bully, if you could connect. You really should stop swinging. If we keep this up we'll be late, and this is pretty pathetic. I know! I'll run to school, and you can chase me! You're good at that."  
"Ranma!!"  
***  
"Ranma, I haven't forgiven you for this morning, but here's your lunch. You're going to eat it and like it!"  
"Did you make it?"  
"Yes, I did!"  
"Why should I bother, you'll clobber me afterwards."  
"Only if you insult my cooking."  
"Lets see. Kodachi's food is laced with debilitating drugs. Shampoo's food is excellently prepared, but sometimes part of a plot against me. ..."  
"You compared me to Kuno this morning, don't you dare compare me to those two. I made it for you."  
"Why?"  
"What do you mean, why?"  
"Why do you try to cook for me? It can't be because Ukyou and Shampoo do. You're too bright to try to compete with professionals in something that is just a new hobby to you. It can't be to share something you created for my enjoyment, because you never serve me something you've tried yourself. It's not because you like how I responded the last time you did this, unless you enjoy malleting me. I won't even go into the possible reasons if your last few dishes came out as you intended. If you want me to eat it, eat half of it first."  
"Are you saying it's not good?"  
"No, I'm saying that neither of us knows how it tastes. Why don't you try it and see if it conveys the message you intend?"  
"All right! I'll show you!" Akane consumes a large mouthful of her own cooking.  
"When I get the dry heaves, she thinks I'm overreacting in order to insult her. Ukyou, please help me get her to the nurse's station."  
***  
Nodoka asked her son, "Ranma, what exactly is your interest in Kodachi?"  
"If I don't keep track of her, I'm liable to wake up drugged in the Kuno mansion and find I've been either raped or married while unconscious. or both."  
"But if you have no romantic interest in her, and we have no obligation for her suit, why am I meeting with her tonight?"  
"Because she's a delusional violent psychotic who's obsessed with me. She sees me as the perfect man, and if you didn't meet her, she'd assume you are trying to keep us apart. You have to meet her to believe the stories about her, and I'd rather placate her, than have her ambush you with exploding, drugged, black roses."  
***  
"Mother, Let me present to you Kodachi Kuno, martial gymnast, and practical chemist."  
"Please make yourself comfortable, and tell me how you met my son."  
"At the time, I was the undefeated champion of martial arts gymnastics for my school, St. Hebereke. The Furinkan team asked Akane Tendo to compete against me. I was leaving the dojo by rooftop after sizing my new opponent up. I was distracted by a passing piglet when something knocked me mostly senseless, and I fell from the roof. When I came to, Ranma-sama was holding me in his arms, having saved me from injury, or worse. ..."  
***  
"So I put aside my love for him, but my heart would not sit still. A whole new love of him arose, and has only grown with time. If only he wasn't committed to these other girls, he'd be free to show the world his love for me, but Ranma-sama is nothing, if not honorable. He is much more than the other girls deserve."  
"Please tell me more about your interactions with my son."  
"Well, since he has to maintain propriety, I have to find reasons that he'd find honorable to spend some time together. Once we collided, and someone took a photograph of Ranma laying on top of me, using his arms to keep from crushing me. Purely a normal accident for two people who are so often running around; but the photo looked like an illicit encounter of the kind that all school girls dream. ..."  
***  
"... But the leather can wait until after we're happily married."  
"I must say, I've never met anyone quite like you before. The stories I've heard about you don't do you justice. I'm sorry to see that you suffer from a love my son cannot return. I will have to do something about these conflicting commitments, and I promise to keep you in mind while I look for a solution."  
***  
"Son, how much of Kodachi's story was true?"  
"Well, if you ignore wherever she tries to explain someone else's motives, and you understand the euphemisms she uses, then it's pretty much accurate."  
"Euphemisms?"  
"For example she'll say `she sized up Akane for the competition' where she means `she ambushed Akane in bed with a mallet hoping to disable her before the competition', whenever I `waited for her to kiss me' she means I `was paralyzed due to her drugging me a moment before', and so on. The only people who believe I even want to be anywhere near her are her, her brother, and Akane when she's in one of her violent jealous phases."  
***  
"So, when do you plan to go on a date with Kodachi?" Akane asks with venom in her voice.  
"After you acquire the demeanor of Kasumi, and Happosai gives up perversion for the pleasures of flower arranging. Whichever comes last. Why would anyone want to spend time with a Kuno?"  
***  
"Ranma, I've found you at last! Now I can kill you!" Ryouga screams from the Tendo's yard.  
Nodoka interrupts, "No murdering in the house. You're both guests here. Use the dojo."  
"Sorry about that. I don't think I've ever seen you here before. Are you a relative of the Tendos?"  
Ranma steps in. "Ryouga, I'd like you to meet my mother. Mom, this is Ryouga Hibiki, one of my regular sparring partners, and Akane's friend."  
"You think I'm just your sparing partner? I've come to kill you for making my life hell!"  
"Would you explain to my mother how I made your life hell?"  
"Oh, um. It was nothing, really."  
"Well, you two have fun, but keep your fighting to the dojo."  
"Yes, mom." "Yes, ma'am."  
***  
"Are you really planning to tell Akane?"  
"Yes, you left me no choice. If you restricted yourself to biting me, and getting me in trouble, I'd keep quiet no matter how much I hate it. But you are violating Akane's trust. I haven't told her yet because I don't want to get you killed for this. I know you didn't intend to take advantage of her. But I wont let you continue."  
"I have to be there to protect her from you during the night!"  
"That's ridiculous. The only times I was in there was when I came after you. You're only here a few days at a time. What kind of protection is that? Stay out of her bed, or tell her about your curse, or watch the love Akane shows her pet turn to hate. I'm leaving you no other options."  
"I could kill you instead!" Ryouga says as he charges Ranma.  
"You wont succeed" Ranma says as he returns his attack.  
*** 


	10. Chapter 10

Over breakfast, Akane is coddling P-chan with a worried expression. When asked what was wrong, she said that P-chan wouldn't sleep in her bed last night, and crawled under her bed.  
"Well, Akane, you are stronger than most people. Perhaps you hugged him too hard in your sleep."  
"Ranma, don't pretend you care about P-chan!"  
"Hey, I've always treated him well when he wasn't sleeping with you, or biting me. You ought to make him a bed of his own. He's very independent. He'll sleep where he wants until he decides otherwise."  
At this point, P-chan leaps from Akane's arms, and bites Ranma's arm. Ranma doesn't react. "Akane, you've got to discipline your pet." Nodoka scolds.  
"He never attacks anyone but Ranma."  
Ranma answers, "And that doesn't bother Akane at all. If I do anything to stop him, Akane will hit me. She likes to see her pet attack me, and then wonders why I don't like it."  
"He only attacks because you pick on him!"  
"He started attacking me the night you found him when I tried to give him a bath, and he's been attacking me ever since, even when I've rescued him for you. You spoil him and give him tacit approval for attacking me. I've given up on trying to discipline him."  
"I do not approve of him attacking you!"  
"He's still biting my arm. Are you planning on stopping him any time soon?"  
"P-chan come here! Stop biting Ranma, and finish your breakfast."  
"That's telling him, Akane. As punishment for attacking me, you're going to feed him by hand. That'll train him."  
"Ranma, shut up!"  
***  
Ranma jumped to the side just as Shampoo's bike descended from above, missing him barely. "Nihao. You date Shampoo now, right?"  
"Not now, Shampoo. I've no desire to date anyone, or watch anyone fight about me, Or argue with anyone about who I'll marry if I live longer than a year. Infact I have no desire to see anyone, and I'm damned if I'm going to spend today stuck in class. Akane, tell the teachers I'm not in school today because I'd feel guilty if I killed or maimed any them." And with that closing remark, he leaped for the roof and was gone.  
Shampoo and Akane looked at each other, expressing their customary animosity, but with identical looks of worry overlaid on both their faces.  
***  
Ranma returned to school during lunch in much better spirits. Ukyou cornered him and asked where he'd been. "Oh, I just needed to relax. I went to the park, and then sat by the canal. I was so out of it, but I feel great now."  
"Ranma Saotome!", Hinako-sensei walks up to him, "Where were you this morning!"  
"Preventing incidental damage to the school grounds, as any student should!"  
"Are you saying that there would have been violence here, and you were preventing it?"  
"The likelihood of unnecessary fighting was much higher than average. If there were no fights, I can only assume I succeeded."  
"OK, but try not to be absent again."  
***  
As Kuno strides across the campus grounds he says "Sasuke! I need some advice."  
His humble ninja appears three steps behind him "Certainly, master. On what subject?"  
"Not from you! I need advice on Ranma, but I don't know whom to ask. My sister maintains a delusional fascination over him, so she's too biased. Arguing with Nabiki is like sitting under a waterfall while your house is being robbed, arguably good for the soul, but decidedly unpleasant, and financially ruinous; there must be a better choice."  
"How about Mousse, or Ryouga?"  
"They are a boorish lot. I need someone with a fine sense of the niceties of our situation. Someone of surpassing awareness. Someone whose wisdom could rival my own in order to provide the answers I seek."  
"The only ones you praise so highly are your two loves."  
"Of course! Akane! She's perfect! I'll ask her at once!"  
***  
Ukyou and Ranma are talking between periods. "So, how was the meeting between your mother, and the gymnast voted `most likely to be non-consensually sedated'?"  
"Mom's still in shock. She flips between disgust and pity. She said something about talking to the principal at St. Hebereke."  
***  
Kuno approaches Akane at high speeds. "Akane Tendou, you are perfect ..." unfortunately his sentence is interrupted by her punching him out of the window, out of school, and out of consciousness.  
***  
"Ucchan, I think I've hit my mom's limit on what she can accept all at once. We started with your accusations of my father. The next night mom watched Mousse and Shampoo change forms, followed by a night with Kodachi. Thank goodness we have a night of relative quiet. I want her relaxed before I tell her about my phobia."  
"You've demonstrated everything else for your mother, are you planning on showing her its effect?"  
"No. Cologne can't predict what the effect will be, what with the coin and all. She said something about not wanting to face a crazed martial artist who no one could subdue. I'm gonna rely on testimony"  
"When do you plan to tell her?"  
"When she's no longer freaked over magic, and my multiple fiancees."  
***  
As Kuno stirs back to consciousness, he says "Sasuke! I need some advice."  
His humble ninja appears, kneeling at Kuno's head. "Certainly, master. Command, and I'll obey."  
"Not from you! I need advice on how to approach Akane about Ranma. It seems my delicate lily, today has the temper of a tigress."  
"You're mixing metaphors again. Ooof!" Sasuke collapses from the juxtapositioning of his head with Kuno's bokken.  
"Right. Time to face the waterfall with equanimity. But first, the ATM machine."  
"ATM machine is redundant, the M stands for machine. Ooof!" Sasuke collapses again.  
***  
"So, Ran-chan, what are you and Akane arguing over now?"  
"This morning, when her pet bit me, instead of clobbering it I pointed out that Akane approves of her pet's actions."  
"You think she wants it to bite you?"  
"I know she doesn't mind it. I think she considers it normal. This morning I didn't feel like being clobbered. The only way to avoid it was to get to the root of the problem. Like when I got her to try her cooking yesterday. In both cases, the root of the problem was Akane, and when it was pointed out, she reacted poorly."  
***  
"Nabiki Tendo! I need your advice."  
"2,000 yen."  
"You're naming the price without knowing what I'm going to ask?"  
"Kuno, the odds of you surprising me with your question is extremely low." Kuno hands over the money. "How can I help you?"  
***  
"Let me get this straight. You want me to give you advice on approaching Akane, in order to get advice from her about dealing with Ranma, in order to approach Ranma to develop a relationship with him to facilitate your suit with the pig-tailed girl. Congratulations, Kuno, I couldn't have predicted this one. I can give it to you simply, but I don't think you can follow my advice..."  
"The great Tatewaki can do anything he sets his mind to!"  
"This one I'd like to watch. I'll give you a list of things not to do. If you can avoid them, and stick to your planned conversation, you should be able to talk to Akane about Ranma as long as you want. If you compliment Akane, she'll deck you. Ditto if you ignore her for a moment, or slight her in any way. If you refer to your own superiority in any way at all, she'll deck you. If you insult any of her family, she'll deck you, however if you agree with her father engaging her to Ranma, she'll clobber you. If you complement or insult Ranma, there's a chance she'll deck you; avoid both to be safe. Don't approach her when she's mad at anyone else, especially if you intend to mention Ranma. Don't run. Don't carry a weapon, or flowers. Avoid all exesses, including those of humility. Avoid archaic constructs, and quotes or allusions from literature. In times of great importance, you can protect yourself by divesting yourself of anything that seperates you from the common herd. If you didn't dress like a Samurai, and made no reference to your change, she'd pay more attention. If you dressed like a religious penitent, she'd think you cracked, but if you dressed as an average student, you'd have her undivided attention for a while. Don't announce any grandious plans for the future. And finally, try not to discuss your sister."  
"But this would hide my noble demeanor. How should I manage this feat?"  
"Practice first. Try talking to a fern."  
"Such a wealth of advice from you for 2,000 yen!"  
"Consider it payment for coming up with a bizarrer situation than I imagined. Entertainment is worth something, after all."  
***  
As lunch period ends, and Ranma proceeds to the classroom, he is splashed from the side with a bucket's worth of cold water, as a small old man tries to glomp onto his relatively flat chest. While Ranma was hit unawares by the water, that was sufficient warning for him to drop under Happosai's glomp. Happosai winds up planting his face into the nearest wall.  
"Ranma! You didn't change into a girl! Don't tell me you've finally found a cure!"  
"That's right, now I'll never have to worry about your perversions again."  
"Show some respect for your master!". Happosai lays into Ranma, spinning his pipe, and using it to strike at Ranma multiple times, but each strike misses as Ranma dodges. Finally Ranma punches him into the distance.  
***  
"Sasuke! I have instructions for you."  
"Yes master?"  
"Follow me around, but keep out of sight, and listen to my speach. If I break any of these rules, I want you to let me know without anyone noticing you."  
"How shall I do that?"  
"Zounds, man, have you no imagination? find an acorn or a rock, and hit me with it. This way I shall practice before confronting Akane. Now, here are the rules."  
***  
Happosai is sitting on the roof of the Tendou home thinking to himself. "So, Ranma found a cure. I leave for a few days, and look what happens. I must restore him to his beautiful body. But his father is still cursed! There must have only been enough of a cure for Ranma. All I have to do, is recurse him, and she'll be back in all her glory.  
"Very well! I must sacrifice my time and energy for the greater good! Time for me to travel through China again. With any luck, I should be able to fill in any gaps in my collection. Some of the finest silks come from there, and some people still put care into handmaking their own clothes. I've been away from China too long. Wheee, ha ha ha." And with that, Happosai runs off into the west, bound for the mainland.  
***  
All but one of the Furinkan Kendo Club stood ready. They awaited their captain to begin their afternoon practice. This was one of the few clubs that managed to meet without an adult supervising it. The teacher in charge of monitoring it had developed a life-extending trait; He always had a valid reason not to be there. Something about being in the room with the delusional Kuno, and the students that followed him, all steeped in feudal values, all armed and armored. He'd had nightmares where one afternoon Kuno insisted on restoring the Shogunate. If they failed, He'd be responsible, if they succeeded, he didn't think Kuno'd make him emperor.  
Interestingly, there was one other club without supervision. Nabiki's club named the principal as their advisor, and seeing as how rarely he was even in Japan... .  
The doors swung open and in strode Kuno. "Here, for the grace of God go I *plink* ..." An acorn bounced off of his head, stopping him in mid stream. "Comrads, classmates, countrymen! Lend me your *plink* ..." Another acorn. "Truly are you to be considered blessed *plink* ... Good afternoon, let us begin." Kuno retrieves a bokuto as he has entered without weapon. *Boink* A fist sized rock caroms off of his pate. "I'm allowed to have a sword during practice, you half-witted manservant *plink* I mean't to call you Sasuke."  
For the next hour there was relative peace, as Kuno was doing the one thing with which he was competent, holding a Kendo practice. Every time he opened his mouth though, another acorn made its way to the floor after impacting Kuno's skull. When they were done, it looked like someone had shaken an oak tree in there.  
***  
As Ranma leaves school for his, now usual, checkups, he's confronted by his father, who's human for a change. "Boy, I don't know what game you're playing, but if you keep this up, your mother will kill us. Be sensible, let's go on a training trip."  
"I can't leave. If I did, I wouldn't be `taking responsibility for my actions, like a man should.' That IS what you keep telling me to do?"  
"Don't you dare quote back to me! If you were really taking responsibility, you'd marry Akane!"  
"How could I do that without my mother's consent? She's still digesting the number of times you engaged me. I must wait for her to decide what she thinks is best. That Is the course a dutiful son would follow, isn't it?"  
"Boy, you're risking both our lives!"  
"`The path of a true martial artist is frought with peril.' If you die at mom's hands, I'll always remember you fondly for the few worthwhile things you taught me."  
"Don't even joke about that, son. If you don't leave with me voluntarily, Soun and I will force you to."  
"I'm not running from mom again, and I will tell her anything I need to in order to prevent you from making me run, including her husband's current appearance."  
"You wouldn't dare."  
"You know me better than that. And don't even think of running away on your own. Pop, I swear, if you try to run out on us by yourself, within three years pandas will be extinct. we can always make new ones with field mice at Jusenkyou, and use the chisuhiton to lock their shape. The Saotomes will live or die by their actions here, but they will no longer run. You've taught me well, but if you make me your enemy, you'll wish you were dealing with Happosai instead. I don't have his weaknesses, and trying to exploit my fear of cats will only remove my inhibitions. Don't fight me on this one, pop."  
"How can you continue this path, don't you realize what could happen."  
"Let me see if I can sum up the worst possible case. Mom has me commit Seppuku a year before I'm due to go insane and wipe out half of Nerima as I die from heartfailure. Then you have to race to commit Seppuku before my fiancees, my mother, Soun Tendo, Happosai, and Cologne all race to kill you for revenge. Kodachi wouldn't kill you, she'll keep you drugged, alive, immoble, and in pain for years."  
"That's not enough to convince you to leave?"  
"Pop, for the last week I've known I'm likely to die soon, not taking risks in combat, but by taking my own life to avoid hurting others worse. I'm looking for a way out, but so help me, if you cross me on this, I can and will make the worst case scenario come true. If you want to live after I've died, you'll stay here, and help me in any way I need in order to resolve this."  
***  
Dinner at the Tendous that evening was an odd affair. Ranma showed none of the grumpiness he had exhibited that morning, but Soun seemed withdrawn. He had heard from Genma about Ranma's threat over the genocide of Pandas, but not the part about it being punishment if Genma ran away. Ranma seemed less easily influenced than ever before (not that any of Soun and Genma's plans had ever really worked). On top of that, Nodoka's presence both assured and frightened Soun over the prospect of uniting their families. Soun was more of a nervous wreck than usual.  
So of course this was the perfect time for Ranma to comment "So, the letch returned today, does anyone know why he isn't here eating dinner?"  
This gets Soun's attention like little else would. "Are you sure? Why didn't you tell us sooner?"  
"I didn't see the point. I saw him at school, so I assumed he'd have returned here before I did."  
Nabiki cuts in, "Ranma, are you sure you saw him? He didn't raid the girl's locker room, no one from school was groped, there haven't been any gangs of women out for vengeance in over a week."  
"I punched him out of the school grounds. He caught me by surprise, I should have held onto him. He didn't seem mad enough to try one of his "Ranma you have to learn to respect your elders" revenge tricks; but if he isn't planning anything, hed be here for dinner."  
Nodoka asks "Ranma, who are you calling the letch?"  
"Oh, just Happosai. Our parents are a bit superstitious when it comes to saying his name, and I'm not about to call him Master. His two most comon titles besides those are grandpa and letch."  
"You should call him Grandpa then, and show respect to your elders."  
"Mom, he's mentally a spoiled six year old. If he didn't know martial arts, he'd be in an institution by now. Prison, mental hospital, old age home, or shotgun wedding."  
"You have a point, lets discuss this again later. You said you defeated your father's master? Isn't that inusual?"  
"Not really. He has too many weaknesses to ever focus on anything for long. I won this fight easilly because he underestimated me. Right now I'm faster than the last time we fought. I was bound to win this one. When he returns, it'll be tougher. He'll return with some trick that hasn't seen the light of day in scores of years, and he'll be ready for my new speed. At least I hope that's what will happen, it causes less confusion than when he gets someone new to attack me."  
"Does this happen often?"  
"Oh, no. Usually the letch, sorry, gramps and I keep a low level truce, but every now and then when I'm thwarting his attempts at perversion, he looses his temper. Once he used something that sapped all of my strength ... "  
***  
"... so I'd better prepare for his return. Please forgive me, mom, if you notice me carrying around a bra. It's the best defense against whatever surprise he comes up with."  
"It better not be one of mine." Akane snaps.  
"Don't worry, I'll use the one I've saved in my room for these occasions."  
"Son, do you often carry around women's lingerie?"  
"Only in order to win a fight, or when trying to get them back from Happosai when he's stealing them."  
"Good. I was a bit worried by how easily you talked about it. I was afraid you might have picked up some bad habits. I guess it's inevitable that you'd have to handle them living with Happosai."  
"Aunt Sautome, you don't know the half of it." smirked Akane.  
***  
Nabiki gets Nodoka alone to talk. "Mrs. Saotome, am I right in assuming you are planning to do something about Ranma's fiancee problem?"  
"Yes. I can't let this situation continue. Something must be done to resolve this soon."  
"Putting aside how you plan to clean up this mess, let's discuss how you plan to reveal your solution."  
"What's wrong with just going around, and tewlling people?"  
"Well if you plan to do it that way, the best I can manage, would be to take out a short term insurance policy on the house, and on our health. No matter who you back, there'll be a shift of power between the fiancees, which would result in a free-for-all involving a handful of martial artists capable of destroying a house inadvertently, and possibly another handful capable of altering even the topography of where the house was standing. The Amazons could make you forget Ranma was ever born. Ryouga tunnels through rock. Kodachi, Ukyou, and Mousse have used explosives."  
"Well then, what should I do when I decide?"  
"It depends in part on whom you decide on. Before you announce your decision, you'll have to defang everyone, or redirect their energies elsewhere. Everyone's first reaction will be to fight to change your opinion. If fighting wont gain them anything, their second reaction will be to fight anyway, because they'll be mad. If you can get past that, you're pretty safe, their third reaction is inevitably a combination of begging, bribing, threatening, plotting, and other non-violent dirty tricks."  
"It seems that I'll have to plan my revelation with your help. As a guest, it behooves me to try to eliminate the chances of destroying the place." 


	11. Chapter 11

Morning breaks and we find Ranma walking to school with Akane and Nabiki. Ranma is walking along fencetop, but seems to be doing it with half-closed eyes, and no energy to speak of.  
"Ranma, did something keep you awake last night?"  
"No, I slept like the dead. If I didn't have to, I'd still be sleeping."  
"You almost are. Are you sure Happosai hasn't done anything to you? Remember when he split you in two, and your female half was keeping you up all night draining your energy?"  
"If he is doing this, he's doing it from a distance. Pop is getting paranoid. He placed women's lingerie and sake near all of the entrances to our room to distract Happosai if he returns, but none of them have been disturbed."  
***  
During a break between classes, Ukyou approached Akane "Akane, what's wrong with Ranma? Has he stayed up all night trying to master a new technique?"  
"No. he got alot of sleep. I thought it was because he angered Happosai, but Happosai'd be around gloating in that case. He seemed really happy last night."  
"Did you two get into an argument?"  
"No. Nothing like that. We've barely talked all day."  
***  
Nabiki could not stop grinning. The teacher, unused to being able to get a straight answer out of Kuno, had taken advantage of Kuno's change of behavior by asking him to answer most of the questions in class. Lying on the floor in a circle around Kuno were more pencils than all of the students had brought with them combined.  
***  
***  
Throughout lunch, every time he opened his mouth, some piece of hard food would fly out of nowhere and bean him. Finally Kuno snapped, and grabbing a broom, proceeded to wield it like a boken, knocking foodstuffs out of the air. As soon as Kuno grabbed the broom, he began a litany of epithets, and the occasional food missile turned into a constant barrage. The rest of the room watched stunned; none of them had ever seen a food fight with only one participant before.  
***  
After School, Ranma had his daily checkups. While he was alone with Cologne, he asked her "It's unlike you to have helped me like this for two weeks without putting forward some scheme, or suggestion. I'm not used to seeing you so passive. Why haven't you done anything to try to tie me to Shampoo? Is it because you think I'm going to die?"  
Cologne chuckles. Don't give up hope for a long life so easily. You already have most of the information for your answer already. I've been watching you actions especially carefully this last week (I know how you value your privacy, but you must realize you wont get that back until this mess surrounding you is taken care of). As I said, I've been watching you, and I notice how much more planning you've been using than you normally used to. I'll tell you part of it, and see if you can work out the rest. Consider it an exercise to see how your mind is being affected by the coin."  
"Ok, what are the parts I'm missing?"  
"Well, you are currently under more stress than usual. You still have your father and Soun pressuring you into a relationship with Akane. You still have Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi pressuring you into marriage, and Akane pushing you who knows where. You now have your mother to deal with, and a possible death sentence hanging over your head. What are the possible options when too much pressure is put on an object; for example a ball of wood or a stone?"  
"Well, if it can, it will shoot off in some direction or it will be crushed."  
"Exactly. put too much presure on you and you'll either behave in an unpredictable manner, or collapse and become a broken person. Either would be bad for me. You know how much you've improved in fighting skills since I've come here. If you were to go back and fight the younger Ranma you were the day I met you, you could have left him a bleeding wreck. If I wanted a beaten, crushed man for Shampoo I could have done that to you my first day here, and carried you off to China, leaving no one here aware I existed. I know a hundred pressure-points I could have used instead of the cat's tongue. Follow that with the Hyri-Shoten-ha, and a dozen or so bakusai-tenketsu. I could keep it up all day until you eventually collapsed. I've never wanted you dead or crushed."  
"So thats why all of your plans to trap me have had ways out of them."  
"That's one reason. Why do you think Shampoo returned from China?"  
"Because when she became cursed herself, she realized I was really a man."  
"That's how I convinced her to return, not why I convinced her to return. I convinced her to return because I couldn't see any way of failing to improve Shampoo, and Shampoo's life if she came here. Even if you died tomorrow, she'd be better than if she spent the time in the village. I could never have guessed all that would have happened, but as long as I can guide things, I can protect her from things she can't deal with yet, and still let her fight and grow. If Happosai came to our village and ate Shampoo's first prize, do you think I'd have let them fight? Granted, I thought you really were female, and I thought Shampoo would probably win; but if I thought you would be a danger to her I wouldnt let her continue. Why haven't you killed Shampoo?"  
"I couldn't do that!"  
"You could. You had the ability before you learned techniques from me. You could have when she was merely that annoying hick girl chasing you all over China trying to kill you. Now you are friends of a sort. Why didn't you kill her then? Or defeated her, and broke both her legs and arms?"  
"I would never do that unless I had no alternative."  
"Which brings us back to why I'm not pressuring you. You need alternatives or you'll be forced to do something drastic and regretable."  
"But if you make no move, how can you hope to win?"  
"I've already won! Shampoo is a better person, and a better fighter. It merely remains to see how much I can win. You're not the only fighter I've taught here who would make a good amazon husband, you know."  
"You'd marry Ryouga to Shampoo?"  
"I could. If everything else falls through. I've even toyed with the idea of sending for more teenaged amazons. This place is crawling with potential suitors. If I were vicious and vindictive, Akane and Ukyou would have long ago been made into men, and married off to younger members of my extended family."  
"How many plans do you have running at once?"  
"Right now? None. Right now I'm just looking at all of the opportunities available to me, and making sure none of them get closed, for example I'm keeping you alive. Even I don't know weither you'll be Shampoo's husband three years from now or not. But the Amazons and Shampoo will prosper. Now do you understand why you and I continue to fight without either of us being truely defeated?"  
"You're not fighting to win, or even fighting for fighting's sake. You're fighting to create situations that will create benefits to you and Shampoo... "  
"You've grasped a good deal of it. there's still more to it than that, but you'll be learing that for the rest of your life. Like I am."  
***  
After school, Ranma finds his mother sitting alone, and asks, "Mother, tell me about your side of the family. I know I'm the last heir to the Saotome school, but Dad never talked much about our families except the three of us."  
"Well, your paternal grandparents died when you were about 2, and since then, the Saotome family register contained only you, myself, and your father, with him as the head of the household. The Saotome line however goes far back, and we can trace our family lineage quite aways. I married into the family, leaving my own, rather large, family in Hokkaido."  
Nadoka continued, "Before I married your father, the head of my family was my grandmother. Grandpa died when I was 14, and Grandma refused to pass down leadership of the family to Uncle. She was a real force of nature, and held the family together. I've quite alot of cousins up there, and still keep in contact with them through letters. I have 2 sisters and a brother, all of whom have families of their own. You've met them when you were younger, although I'm not sure how much you remember of them."  
"I think I remember some of this. Wasn't uncle some kind of a musician? And one of my aunts made movies or something?"  
"You do remember something, Your Uncle studies musical history, and collects instruments as a hobby. Your aunt and her husband made semi-professional films, and did some of their work at home. I'm surprised you remember that, you haven't seen them since you were about 4 or 5! Yes, it was 2 months before you turned 5."  
"Is that where you studied Kendo?"  
"Yes, I studied our family school, the XXXX school, but I wasn't the prize pupil, or the heir, my cousin was; and I never saw him beaten, except by his sensei, my uncle. For the most part, though, I was an extra daughter to the family, so there was no great trouble when I married your father, and moved to Tokyo. Nothing like your tangled web of obligations anyhow. Coming from my large family, I thought having only one child would simplify family obligations and family life. The spirits must have had fun tangling your life to get it to this point."  
"Maybe it did keep things simple. Can you imagine if I had 2 brothers? Each with an amazon, and an abandoned fiancee? And what if it was unclear which Saotome had to marry one of the Tendos? Three daughters and three sons makes nine possible arrainged marriages. Trying to straighten out THAT mess would be a real problem."  
Nadoka sighs, "I guess you're right. I want to discuss the making of this tangle with your father, do you have any idea when your father and Ranko will return?"  
"I dont think that he'll be all that anxious to return, especially if you plan to use your katana to discuss it with him."  
Nodoka is shocked, "You don't think I'd strike my husband, do you?"  
"No, but family honor might reach the point where the only solution is the tanto. I think pop would rather wait and hope for a solution than press to resolve the issue."  
"You two HAVE made rather a mess of things, but dealing with women has never been your father's strong point, and it's unlikely that he could raise you with out me to make you much better at it than he was. I'm hoping I'll find a path out of this that you two have overlooked."  
"Mother, I think it's time I told you about my greatest weakness."  
"It isn't food, dear, is it?"  
"No, no, no. I didn't pick that up from Pop. I've done some things for food that on retrospect I wish I hadn't, but it was always a case of not realizing the consequences beforehand. I've never given in to something for food."  
"Then what is it, dear?"  
"This may not come out right. I don't like to think about it so I'm gonna go slowly. I have a phobia that other people think is trivial. If I need to, I can stand them for a short time, but it's one of the few things I'll run from. After too much, I black out. Akane will tell you how I behave when I'm blacked out; I can never remember afterwards."  
"Oh dear, what is it?"  
"Mom, I can't stand c-c-cats."  
"How did this happen? Were you attacked on one of your trips in the wild?"  
"No, it was the result of a training accident..."  
"What did your father do to you this time?"  
"When I was six, he wrapped me in fish sausage and dropped me into a pit. It was full of them, and they were hungry."  
"That's horrible! But haven't you done anything to cure you?"  
"Well, dad thought I should face my fear, so he tossed me in six more times. The last time I blacked out. When I came to hours later, Dad was still unconscious. Luckily I had only given him surface lacerations, or he might have bled to death."  
"You knocked your father unconscious at the age of six while you were unconscious?"  
"Well, I wasn't what you'd normally call unconscious. I was going to let Akane describe it, but I think I better start. I go into a trancelike state where I can access the technique pop wanted me to learn. It's extremely fast and vicious. Also since I'm not aware, I can fight without inhibitions, worries about consequences, or conscious thought slowing me down. I could fight my way through nearly anything while insane, but it's useless normally, because I can't think rationally. I fight to the end then; until I defeat the enemy, or the enemy retreats. I used it once on Cologne when we were nothing but enemies. She retreated, rather than turn our fight into a fight to the death. At first I thought I'd won, but later I realized she might have wound up fighting Shampoo if we continued. She's one of the few people around here with enough foresight to avoid fights that aren't to her advantage."  
"Ranma, when I first got here, you gave me the impression that you are constantly fighting people, but aside from some verbal arguments with Akane, you've had only one fight I've seen, since we had dinner with Mousse the night I arrived. Do you really get into fights as often as you do in all the stories I've heard?"  
"Yes, mom. Two days before you showed up, I got this coin stuck to me. As long as I'm wearing it, I'm possibly the most potent fighter in town. Cologne suggested that I might be able to beat her, even though she's more experienced than I. This coin was going to be the last thing I told you, because it is so new, but I guess it has had a noticeable effect. Mousse and I have a truce because he thinks it's unlikely that you'll decide I should marry Shampoo. Ryouga is dealing with problems of his own. Kuno is so confused that he doesn't know what to do about me. Happosai showed up yesterday, but I haven't seen him since. Everyone else wants to make a good impression with you, so they leave me alone. As long as no one new arrives, no one has any reason to fight me, and as long as the girls want to stay on your good side, they don't start fights I might get dragged into."  
"How did you get that coin, Ranma?"  
"That's another long story. I'd rather not go into it now. You should talk to Akane about my phobia." While Ranma says this, he slips out of the room to get Akane.  
***  
Akane sits down opposite Nodoka, and the two begin to talk. "Hello Akane, I've never seen Ranma so nervous before."   
"Well, he really doesn't like to even admit he's got a phobia. Finding out about it was like drawing teeth."  
"I don't mean about that. When I asked him about the coin stuck to his hand, he changed the topic back to the phobia, and left the room to get you. Why does the coin bother him so much?"  
"It's really not my place to tell you yet. He's told me several times he plans to discuss it with you later, so I shouldn't discuss it behind his back. He really seems to want to tell you everything."  
"Isn't that normal?"  
"I guess so, but he seems to want to tell you everything about himself, including the things you might not like to hear."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, his phobia for one thing, the others I shouldn't mention."  
"You're right, Akane. I shouldn't press you on that. I've got to give him time to tell me himself. Tell me about how you found out about Ranma's phobia?"  
"Well, it started when Shampoo mailed herself to the Dojo as a cat. ..."  
***  
"After he kissed me in front of the whole school, I punched him into the pool. When I saw him next, he didn't remember any of it."  
"Has my son even once warned you about any of the peculiarities in his life before you found out the hard way?"  
"I don't think so. I've been surprised that he's been able to tell you about all he has before something has forced the issue. He doesnt like to mention anything he thinks of as a weakness. He's really changed since you arrived."  
"For the better or worse?"  
"I'm not sure. We're getting into arguments more often than we normally do, but they've all been small things. I'm getting along better with Ukyou, but that's because we've been worried about Ranma."  
"Why are you worried about him?"  
"I shouldn't have said that. I keep forgetting that Ranma hasn't finished telling you everything yet. He promised to tell you about all of that as soon as he thinks you're ready. It's not my place to tell you as long as he's not planning on hiding it from you."  
"What could be more startling than two fiancees, another possible marriage claim, and a neurotic groupie. Plus a phobia that borders on schizophrenia, friends that polymorph from water, bizarre teachers both at school and the dojo, and bloodfeuds?"  
"Believe me, there's alot more."  
*** 


	12. Chapter 12

Ranma and Akane are walking to school. Ranma is staring ahead and thinking, while Akane is slightly stewing over Ranma's upcoming date with the amazon pair. She decides to vent her displeasure. "So Ranma, today you're dating the bimbo."   
"No. That's not right. You and Shampoo insult each other constantly. I understand you two hate each other, and I couldn't force you two to be nice to each other, but I don't think I should allow either of you to insult the other behind their back in front of me. And it isn't a date, unless you want to call our trip to the amusement park as a date."   
"How dare you tell me what to say; you're always teasing Ryouga, and calling him names when he isn't around!"   
"You're right. I'd better stop that. I shouldn't have said that about you calling Shampoo a bimbo if I call Ryouga lostboy. I'll make a deal with you. I'll make an effort to never call him names behind his back, and let you correct me, if you stop calling Shampoo names behind her back, and I'll also stop her from insulting you behind your back."   
"She insults me behind my back? How dare she!"   
"Nothing she doesn't say infront of you. She gives as good as she gets from you. I'm offering to behave towards Ryouga as I'd like you to Shampoo, and I'll also hold Shampoo to it. What do you say?"   
"Ranma, why the sudden concern over what I call her?"   
"I was thinking about what mom said when I called Happosai a letch. I can't agree with her about calling him Gramps; he's much more a letch to me than he ever was an elder figure. But your life, mine and Shampoo's life are twisted together. We've got to deal with each other regularly. I have no right to tell you how to talk to her, but I should defend any friend when they're not around. But if I defend her it looks like I'm taking her side over yours. The only way to avoid this is to ask you not to insult her. By the way, you're right about Ryouga. I'm always insulting him, and when you get mad I assume you're taking his side, and then we fight. I'll offer to try to stop if you will."   
"I don't know if I can just stop. I've been doing it for so long, and she's always needling me."   
"It's going to be hard for me too. We'll both screw up, but we should at least try."   
***   
Kuno sees Akane and his quiet demeanor breaks as he starts to run towards Akane. A pebble bounces off of his noggin *boink* "Akane, my love, " *boink* "your handsome" *boink* "defender" *boink* "Will protect you" *boink* "from the foul" *boink* "sorceror!" *boink* Kuno stops and spins around and yells at the heavens "You dare" *boink* "assault the noble Kuno" *boink* "While he seeks" *boink* "to talk to the beautious " *boink* " Akane Tendo?!?"   
Akane starts off confused by this bizarre display, but as Kuno rants to the heavens and the students stare and gossip about her and Kuno, Akane gets more furious until she punts him cross-country. upon landing he calls out "Good work Sasuke, I lost my head, keep up the good work. and Kuno slips into unconciousness.   
***   
After school Ranma visited Tofu, pointing out he was likely going to spar that afternoon. So far, no physical changes to Ranma have appeared, but Dr. Tofu has been tracking a large change in Ranma's energy levels from day to day. Changes without noticeable cause. In order to track down the cause he has been getting a good idea of Ranma's activities for the last few days.   
Unfortunately he didn't have a viable hypothesis. Rather than worry Ranma over what was apparently a minor side effect of what was happenning to him, Dr. Tofu decided to continue to track the changes until a pattern emerged.   
***   
After school Akane sought out Nabiki, and caught her before she left for lunch at the Dojo. "Nabiki, I need to talk to someone about Ranma, would you mind going somewhere for a snack to talk before going home? My treat"   
"Sure, I have nothing planned until the inevitable chaos starts this afternoon."   
"What chaos?", Akane asks as they head for a nearby Kissaten.   
"Ranma is going to spend time this afternoon with Shampoo and Mousse. Any time Ranma does something new there's chaos, and this time he's with the 2 least predictable sane teenagers in town."   
"You make it sound like the chaos is inflicted on Ranma, instead of caused by him."   
"Oh no, you miss the point. If Ranma doesn't cause the chaos, it'll find him anyway. It doesn't always happen, but like Murphy's law, it pays to prepare for it. Besides, there are too many likely ways for this afternoon to blow up."   
"Yes, there's no way those three will spend an afternoon without starting a fight."   
"Oh that might happen, but that's not the way to bet. You're only looking at the surface. I wonder what would happen if you ever fought Mousse. You're styles are too different. You use your strength to try to direct a fight, he uses misdirection. You've never practiced much in indirect attacks."   
"What am I missing?"   
"Name everyone connected to those three, and subtract everyone who'd love to see their day go smoothly, then re-add Ryouga to the mix because his vengeance rates much higher than his forsight. Their afternoon will most-likely be ruined by anyone except Kasumi, Tofu, Cologne, and Nodoka. Oh yes and me, I've decided to just sit back and watch."   
"Wait a minute, why did you subtract Ryouga in the first place? Are you saying he'd like to see their date go well?"   
"Oh yes. Ryouga would want this to go well if he were calm enough to think this out beforehand. Why did you call it a date? Were you three dating last Saturday?"   
"That wasn't a date! I was just having fun with them!"   
"Ranma's doing the same thing today. The only difference I see is that last week he was with two women who were engaged to eventually marry him, whereas this week he's with a person who wants to marry him, but who has no permission yet from his family. Unless you think Shampoo has a better right to marry him than you do, I wouldn't call this a date."   
"Why would I want to marry that Jerk?"   
Nabiki snickers, "Got you! I never asked if you wanted to marry him, I asked which of you had a better right to marry him if you DID want him. You seem to think that what's going on has to do with whether you want to marry him. Today it doesn't seem to matter at all. I bet that's what bothers you the most, you're being ignored. You never liked that."   
"How would you know that!"   
"Don't be so upset. I'm your older sister, of course I know that. I remember when you were much younger, you hated to be ignored. And when you started martial arts, part of the reason was to get more of Daddy's attention. I'd be worried if you wanted to be ignored, that'd be a sign that you were seriously disturbed. And you are being ignored. Even if it's to be expected occasionally, it doesn't mean you have to like it."   
They arrive at the Kissaten, and take a booth. Akane tries to calm down, and succeeds mostly. Nabiki seems to be taking everything in stride. Nabiki orders a small snack, not trying to milk Akane like she would if this were Kuno or Ranma. "Why did you decide you wanted to talk to me about Ranma? You rarely do that."   
"I wanted to talk to someone not involved with Ranma, and I was thinking about your snapping at me last week. You'll tell me things I don't want to hear. Kasumi is always so hopeful, Dad is useless when Ranma's involved, and my friends at school seem to treat things like they're waiting for the next installment of a soap opera."   
"Well, what did you want to talk about?"   
"Ranma, dying."   
"OK. Do you want to talk about the likelyhood of his death? Do you want to talk about what'll happen if he dies? Or did you want to talk about your feelings about his possible death?"   
"All of them, I think. Do you think he'll die soon?"   
"Well, within a year he has impending death due to the coin, possible death to fix his family's precious honor, a possible end to this fiancee mess that'll pit Ranma, Nodoka, and the chosen one against everyone else, plus of course, all the usual dangers. `A martial artist's life is fraught with peril.' That's why I told you you'd better decide what you wanted."   
"I don't know what I want! And lately he's been acting wierder than normal. Whenever I think he's going to act mean, he behaves so seriously, Whenever I want him to be serious, he acts like such a Jerk."   
"Well that doesn't tell me anything about what you want from him, but it does tell me alot about yourself that I think you don't know." Nabiki smiles.   
"What does that say about me?" Akane begins to act defensively. The idea of others knowing things about her that she didn't know, really bothers her.   
"It's simple, really. You don't know Ranma, you only think you do."   
"We've been living with Ranma for months!"   
"But you hate not knowing what's going on. You've seen pieces of Ranma, and since the engagement he's been one of the most important people to you." Nabiki forestalls Akane's imminent outburst, "I said important, not any other descriptive term. Both friends and enemies are important, and Ranma is important because his actions will affect your life. Getting back to my point, since he is important, and you don't know every thing about him, you automatically filled in the parts you didn't know with your mind's best guess. The image in your mind of Ranma is obviously wrong, since Ranma acts differently.   
"What can I do about that?"   
"The answer is simple, the implementation's nearly impossible. Don't react to what he does, but try to see why he thinks he did it. Any time you think he's a Jerk, you are misunderstanding how he sees things. Even if he is a Jerk."   
"Do you mean I should let him get away with being a Jerk?"   
"Why not? He'll probably be dead within the year, and judged by a better judge than you." Mention of Ranma's impending death deflates Akane's rising emotion almost immediately.   
"What'll happen if he dies?"   
"You'll be free of your engagement. Family honor will be satisfied. The Saotome clan will die out. Daddy will freak out, and watch any man that comes near us like a hawk. Kasumi will have less chance than before of ever starting her own family. The amazons will leave Nerima for good. The Kuno's will both be after you with renewed vigor, but the student body as a whole will leave you alone. I'll eventually need to get a restraining order on the Kuno's which they'll ignore, or overturn by bribing a judge. You'll either have to denounce them in court, or change your name and leave. Shampoo or Cologne might also try revenge depending on how he dies, but I'm not sure if it'd be against you or the Saotomes. I'd hate to see what will happen if Ranma's father defeats Shampoo, but Cologne is too smart to let that happen. Daddy will probably try to set up some Omiais to marry us off, but those'll fail. And if you aren't the first sister to marry, the dojo will eventually be sold as per Japan's tax laws"   
"I wasn't expecting a list like that, were you expecting me to ask that?"   
"These things were obvious to me for some time. You should know I'd have worked out what would happen in advance. After all, I am surprised by people's actions much less often than you."   
***   
Ukyou is somewhat surprised as Nodoka enters her resteraunt during the lull between the lunch and dinner croud. When she has a moment to take a break, she accepts Nodoka's offer to join her, while Nodoka finishes the okonomiyaki.  
"I'm sorry to interrupt you at your place of work, but I wanted to talk to you without Ranma being present. Before I start, let me say that most of these questions aren't about who I'll approve for Ranma to marry, and I'll understand if you are reluctant to answer them. Feel free to refuse, but I would appreciate your answers. I'm putting it this way, because some of these questions might be painful, and I can't know which ones not to ask you."  
"What is it about then, if it isn't about the engagement?"  
"It's about my husband. I have trouble picturing the man I married behaving so badly. It has been many years since I've last seen him, but some of the things he's done defy my belief. I don't like discussing this infront of my son. He shows his father little enough regard for his father, I hate to degrade that anymore especially when he's not here to defend his actions, but I must know the worst of what he's done if I'm going to try to resolve Ranma's mess of obligations. I'm also curious about him for myself."  
"I can understand that. I can't honestly say what kind of a man he was ten years ago; I can only judge him by his actions and their effects."  
"If you can, I'd like you to tell me how much of your need to marry my son is dictated by family honor, and your honor within your family. If you disliked my son, what would you face if you just returned home?"  
"Well, my family does not hold yours in high regard, I'm afraid. They're more likely to be angry that I haven't punished your family more than I have. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't wish harm on you, or Ranma after I tell them he honestly knew nothing about it until I showed up. Some will ask why Genma's still living. With the marriage, my family would accept that it was my right to decide when Genma had enough punishment, and wouldn't ask for the details. I doubt very much if anyone will trust him or say anything nice about him though. Frankly they'd tolerate his continued good health for my husband's benefit, and judge your family based on the impression that Ranma made."  
"But if you hated Ranma, and still knew that he was blameless..."  
"I'd have to convince them that your family has sufferred enough. They permitted me first crack as I was the most offended party, but Genma's actions have hurt my family. If I had never come here seeking revenge, someone else would have. If I hated Ranma, I would have beat up Genma some more, said goodbye to Ranma, and told my family that Ranma was innocent of everything, and that I didn't have the stomach to sufficiently punish Genma. Someone else would have then been dispatched to exact retribution. Genma would have probably saved his skin by promising Ranma would repay us. Ranma would either be forced to do something for us for his father's benefit. Or Genma would try to run from us, possibly dragging Ranma with him."  
"You don't think he'd stay and accept his punishment?"  
"He's had ten years to tell you about engaging Ranma to me. He's had ten years to tell you about sacrificing Ranma to a pit of starving cats. Has he ever been at the dojo when you showed up?"  
"You're saying he's running from me now?"  
"If he wanted to face you, you'd have seen him by now. Ranma is taking advantage of his absence to show you all the bad points of both of them. Genma knows you'll hold him responsible for Ranma's faults as well as his own since he didn't let you raise him. Ranma could get Genma here at any time he wanted. But he wont until he's had the chance to tell you everything he can."  
"Is there nothing left of the man I married, then?"  
"You'll have to judge that for yourself when you meet him. Frankly his death wouldn't touch me except as it would hurt Ranma. I can't say anything nice about him except that he hasn't hurt Ranma as much as he could, and I think the only reason he hasn't hurt Ranma more is due to lack of oportunity or imagination. You know I'm biased against him. you wont here me complementing him."  
"Would you be willing to write up a formal list of everything Genma has done relating to your engagement? I promise that this isn't an attempt to look for a loophole to disqualify you. I need it to deal with my husband. You needn't tell how it hurt your family, although if you want to include it that's your right. I want a sworn account of my husband's actions."  
"I'm willing, but what for?"  
"If I tell you, I'll ask you to keep it secret from everyone else until I'm ready to use it. Would you want to keep a secret like that from Ranma?"  
Ukyou thinks about it for a while, and finally says "OK, don't tell me now, but would you please tell me when you've told Ranma?"  
"Gladly. Thank you for telling me all this. It couldn't have been pleasant dwelling on this, or telling someone else your opinion of their husband."  
"I wish I could speak better of him for you."  
***   
As Akane and Nabiki finish their walk home, Nabiki asks Akane, "You implied you also wanted to talk about how you feel about Ranma's death, but you haven't said anything. What's on your mind?"   
"It was bad enough when he went to China after the Chisuhiton. Now he's being brought down by the coin and his father's promises. I feel so ..."  
"Helpless? But you never were a match for him in fighting. After he started mastering the Amazon techniques you couldn't defend him from anything he couldn't handle."  
"At least it was something I understood! I could judge the risks. I'd lived with the idea of being injured fighting. This is..."  
"Arbitrary?"  
"Are you going to finish all of my sentences for me?"  
"It looked like you were hunting for the right word. We went through this once before, with mom, but we were too young to see what would happen. I was too young, and you were younger than me."  
"I don't want to talk about then."  
"I understand. Unfortunately, the death by coin is so similar to mom's death, including the wait while not knowing how it is going to end. The biggest difference is that when you were a kid you told mom everything you wanted before the end. Now you know you haven't told Ranma everything because you still haven't figured out for yourself what you want to tell him."  
"What should I do?"  
"I have no idea. You've got to figure it out for yourself. Maybe you should try everything. You know, Kiss him, clobber him, tell him you love him, and hate him. At least you'll know you included the important things."  
"Be serious, Nabiki."  
"Look, I have no idea what you should do. I do have some advice. When something bothers you, like the boys in school did before Ranma showed up, you get angry. And when you're angry you act in predictable ways. Well anger hasn't worked. Whatever your answer is it can't be found through anger. Any time you are getting angry, especially at Ranma, you are wasting time, and that is one thing you can no longer afford."  
"I think I'll need help on this one, sister."  
"I'll try to calm you down when I can. but I'd rather not risk being on the receiving end when you do get angry. Besides today's outing, what has he done to make you angry?"  
"Well last Wednesday, when I made him lunch..."  
***  
Mousse, Shampoo and Ranma buy tickets for a train to the countryside, and get seats on the train on a pair of benches facing each other. Ranma and Mousse on one side facing Shampoo. The three of them ride in silence for a while, not knowing what to talk about. They've been together in each other's close company for several minutes now, and noone has tried to hit, or hit on, any of the others. With the absence of their usual means of social interaction, they're all feeling a bit uneasy.  
Shampoo avoids the uneasiness of facing Ranma and Mousse by staring at the passing scenery. Shortly thereafter, Ranma turns away from Mousse, and also begins to look out the window. Ranma's eyes unfocus, and he slumps a bit more into his seat. Mousse notices and asks "Ranma, what's bothering you?"  
Ranma turns around surprised. "How could you tell? I was facing away from you, and it's too bright outside for you to have seen my face reflecting in the glass?"  
Mousse chuckles. "I have a hard enough time seeing faces normally, I couldn't make use of a glass-reflection like that. Facial expressions are especially hard on me. I was looking at your shoulders. Somethings bothering you, and it suddenly made you sad. Were you thinking about the coin?"  
"No. I was thinking about my family."  
"You should be happy, then. Isn't this the first time you've been able to spend time with your mother?"  
"I guess I'm happy about that, but. How much do you know about my family, Mousse?"  
"Alot about your father, but nothing about your mother except what I learned when I had dinner with you at the Tendos last week."  
"Well, you know about how my father behaves in difficult situations. You know about the broken promises, the lies, and the thefts that my father is responsible for. My mother is just the opposite. Everything I've learned about honor was to measure up to her standards. Now I've decided to tell her everything about my life, and I'm afraid I wont measure up to her standards."  
"Even if she's disappointed, it's obvious she loves you. I could see that even in one evening. The worst that can happen is that she'll lose her idealic image of you and see you for who you are. You wanted her to get to know the real you, after all."  
"It's not that simple. My father and I are tangled up in so many promises and agreements. I may have to commit seppuku to satisfy everything."  
"None of your fiancees would push things so far that you'd have to do that. Well, Cologne and Ukyou's family might want to go that far, but Shampoo and Ukyou would prevent them from pressuring you that far."  
"I know. but it's not that I'd have to die to satisfy their honor that I'm worried about. It's my mother and our family honor that I'd have to die for. Even if Shampoo, Ukyou, and Akane said I didn't have to marry them, I still would have to in order to satisfy family honor. Except of course, I couldn't satisfy all of them. And then there's my curse."  
"How is your curse tied in?"  
"Before I went on my first training trip with Pop, He and I signed a paper saying that he would make me a man among men, or we'd commit seppuku. How can I be a man among men if I turn female? If I had an animal curse like you two I'd be alright, but being a girl means I have to die. There's no way my father would have signed anything like `We promise to kill ourselves if Ranma becomes a duck.' Sometimes I wish I had your curse, or Pops. Mom's never expressed any deadly connections to the possibility of a panda in the family."  
"Well, you're cured of the curse for now. You have a year to look for the cure to the coin problem, and you've done more in 2 weeks to resolve your marital entanglements than you've achieved in months. I'd say things were looking up, even if no one can see how it will end."  
"You're right. Thanks Mousse. I did introduce all of the girls to Mom, and she took it in stride."  
"Actually I was thinking about spending one Saturday with Akane and Ukyou and another Saturday with us and not getting clobbered yet by anyone!" Ranma and Mousse chuckle over this and resume looking out the window.  
Meanwhile all of this was, of course, overheard by Shampoo, who pretended to pay attention to the passing scenery, but was, in reality, quite surprised by both sides of the conversation she'd heard, neither Mousse nor Ranma were, in her oppinion, the introspective sort.  
***  
Nabiki skirked, "No wonder you were mad at him. He insulted you, and prevented you from blaming him directly."  
"But he's insulted my cooking before. Why was this time so much worse?"  
"Akane, I'm not talking about what he said about your cooking. Akane, what's the worst thing to insult someone with to their face?"  
"The worst thing you could imagine, I guess."  
"No. That would be a lie. Lies are only good as insults behind someone's back. When insulting someone to their face you need to use the truth. Otherwise they wont believe the insult, and will escape most of it's effects. And Ranma insulted you when he asked you why you cook for him. He listed several of the reasons why you persist in cooking for him, and showed you how silly they were. You are trying to compete with professional chefs. There is no way your cooking will be better than theirs, just as there is no way I'll defeat you in martial arts. Your food does not come out as you intended, although this you can change, you haven't yet. And you are matched only by Ranma in your hatred of loosing, even if it's a contest you can't win. Do you remember how Ranma tried to armwrestle you after you ate Happosai's magic soba? Well, when it comes to cooking you behave the same way."  
"I'm not that bad, am I?"  
"Honestly, I can't tell which of you is better or worse. Give up cooking for Ranma. If you want to cook, practice and try it yourself. And above all, relax. When you enter the kitchen, it looks like a battle without an opponent. When Kasumi or Ukyou cook it's like they're crafting something precious. Speaking about a battle without an opponent, did you see Kuno's foodfight yesterday?"  
"No, who'd he attack?"  
"He was the one attacked, and no one knows by whom. He just stood there, weapon out, smiting food flying at him. He did pretty good against the solid items, but he got clobbered by the jello, and the onigiri."  
***  
Nodoka returns to the Tendos, and seeks out Soun. I wanted to talk with you about Genma's agreement to engage Ranma to one of your daughters. I'd like to honor his promise; I really like Akane, and wouldn't mind having her as a daughter. But Genma made other promises. If Genma were here, I'd ask him to do this, would you be willing to write out a formal document describing when and how and what Genma promised you?"  
"Of course. I'd be glad to do it immediately."  
"I do have one other question. Is it true that you knew nothing about Ukyou until she showed up, and that Genma admitted it was a valid engagement, even though he also claims Akane's is valid, and wants Ranma to marry Akane?"  
"Yes I'm afraid it is. He does want Ranma to marry Akane though and our agreement predates theirs."  
"Please be sure to mention all of that, and bring your hanpo, I want us to sign it together."  
***  
Ranma, Shampoo and Mousse have left the train, and gotten directions to one of the hiking trails in the area. They walk to the beginning of the path, an old flight of stone stairs flanked by stone jizo statues. Ranma stops and asks the other two, "So what will it be this time? Giant beavers and an eight-headed dragon? Two-headed birds fighting derainged monks? Burried caves holding demons? or just Ryouga looking for the toilet?" All three chuckle as they make their way up the stairs  
***  
"Why don't we spar for a while? All this scenery is nice and all, but we should be doing something we enjoy." Ranma points out.  
"But how are we going to keep it friendly? And anyway, we fight all of the time. How will this be any different?"  
"We could fight two against one where the two are forced to work together using the areas that they are weakest. It wouldn't be a fight anyone would feel bad loosing, because one side is outnumbered, and the other is voluntarily giving up their strengths. Mousse, many of your attacks work as well or better from a long distance. The only attack I regularly use from a distance is the Moko Takabisha, and Shampoo nearly always closes the distance between you two. What if we decide to fight so that we have to stay 20 meters from you, and I can't use my chi attack. There's a chance we'd win if we coordinate our attack, but it's still uncertain, and both Shampoo and I would get a workout training skills we rarely use. You'll get a workout without the risk of our normal bludgeoning, and can show off what you're best at, and we can train something we rarely need, but it's a skill we'd be better having. Then we can switch partners and fight a different way, like the two of you against me without any weapons and all attacks made at least 5 feet off of the ground. Neither of you are at your best unarmed, so this would be good training for you."  
Shampoo asks, "Do you just want to spar, or are we going to teach each other to fight better?"  
Mousse suggests, "The person fighting alone could call out hold to stop the fight, and point out ways of doing things better. We should also set boundaries so that we stay together and can watch each other's fighting styles."  
"Sounds good Mousse." Ranma says, "Lets use this path, that clearing, and that rock as the boundaries. Lets try this."  
***  
As Ranma returns home, before entering the house, he's stopped by Soun, who obviously wants to talk to Ranma in private. They proceed to the dojo to talk undisturbed. "Ranma, I'm not at all pleased with your dating other girls. You are engaged to marry my daughter. I insist you stop this!"  
"I haven't dated anyone in weeks. If you are referring to today, I spent time with 2 of my friends from China. Until Akane can get along with them, she can't join us. As her father, it is up to you to talk to her about getting along with Shampoo, not to talk to me about inviting her along."  
"Your father and I want ..."  
"My father is hiding from my mother right now. My mother is trying to fulfill all of the promises my father made, not only to you. And I'm trying to get to know my mother and my friends better."  
"As a guest in this house ..."  
"As a guest, I'm indebted to you, but not subject to your whims. If you no longer want me here, my mother and I will return to her place to live. As mom believes Pop is your niece's panda, I wont be able to take him with us. But if your hospitality to the Saotomes is at an end I know he can live by himself on the road until I've told mother about his cursed form."  
"You wouldn't tell her about Genma's curse!"  
"I will, eventually. I'm hoping to lead up to it so that she doesn't want him instantly dead. Why worry? Mom's a loving dutiful wife who would only insist he take his own life if his honor were irreparably strained. Surely you dont think that about the head of the house you wish to be joined with yours."  
"Stop changing the subject! I'm talking to you about your behavior towards other women!"  
"I know that, but in what capacity? We've ruled out `host to guest'. As I haven't married Akane yet you cannot talk to me as a father-inlaw, or as a senior member of the family if I take Akane's name. As my father's best friend you have no right to dictate to me. Our only other relationship is as members of branchant families of martial arts that date back to the same pervert who founded both our schools. As things stand, your master claims me as his pupil, so I should refer to you as Senpai, however that isnt enough to justify your demand that I change my behavior. You could challenge me, but you'd lose. Pop's kept up his training better than you, and the only reason we could spar in the morning is because we don't use any special attacks. When was the last time you fought Happosai when he wasn't already injured?"  
"Ranma, you will do as your father and I want, or.."  
"No! You will let me proceed at my own pace or I will have to fight you. If you make yourself my enemy, my first move will be to fight you for the dojo. I will refuse to fight Akane in that fight unless you conceed that she is the master of this dojo. If you do, then she can elope with anyone of her choosing, and you will be out of her life. If you don't, then I'll make you wish I was Happosai. When you finally fall unconcious I'll splinter the dojo sign. This is my threat for my first action against you should you become my enemy. If you are my ally, then your dreams of uniting our families wont be crushed."  
"Ranma, you can't threaten me!"  
"I did threaten you. I can make it happen. I can do worse. I might be able to get Nabiki's name on your familie's registry as the Tendo family head. It would only work if she agreed to it. Do you want to risk it? I can crush your dreams by taking my own life, I'm under a death sentence already. If you become my enemy there is nothing you can do to combine our families. I'll have you beside me as an ally, and you'll obey me, or you'll lose everything." At this, Soun burst into long overdue tears. 


	13. Chapter 13

Before breakfast the next morning, Soun drags Ranma to the dojo so that Genma and Soun could talk to him. Genma is, of course, too scared to be in human form, but it is obvious that Soun speaks for both of them, "Son, it is your fathers wish and I that you stop spending time with other girls besides Akane. Furthermore you have been slacking off in your training, which we both find inexcusable. As a representative of the Anything Goes form, you must spend your free time when not with Akane, in practice."  
"You two are also representatives of the school, and as Sensei you have a greater responsibility. Granted your aging has made both of you slower and less nimble, but that is no excuse for your slacking off. Your games of Shogi and Go should be abandoned for a rigorous regimen of training."  
"Son I find your behavior reprehensible. How dare you talk back to us that way?"  
"Soun Tendo, I find your diatribe ridiculous. I have surpassed both you and pop, and I'm now trying to defeat Happosai. I am putting more effort into that than you are doing, yet you still take a holier-than-thou attitude when dictating how I spend my time and how I act."  
"How dare you say you've passed us! I wont stand for this insolence!"  
Ranma smirks, "A formal challenge? How about this afternoon?"  
"Alright. We'll show you then. and when we win, you'll agree to obey our wishes."  
"Let's formalize this then. I'll obey your wishes if you win, but if I win, you'll each obey a condition I set."  
"Uhh. What condition?"  
"I haven't decided yet, but I'll tell you before the fight. If you think it's too much, you can call it off then. We'll fight in the abandoned yard three blocks away at 4:00pm. that way the dojo wont sustain damage"  
***  
As breakfast nears a close, Ranma asks, "Kasumi, can you spare an hour today around 4:00pm? I need your help for a project I'm working on. It's a surprise for the rest of our families." Soun and Panda's ears perk up at this. A confused expression appears on their faces.  
"Sure Ranma. If I'm back by 5:00, I'll still have enough time to prepare dinner. I'll just do my grocery shopping a little earlier."  
"How much time do you need for shopping?"  
"About a half an hour, why?"  
"How about I go with you at 3:15. You can do a larger shopping than normal, I'll carry the bags and we can handle my errand on the way, we should be home hopefully by 4:30"  
***  
Ranma knocks on Nabiki's door. "Come in."  
Ranma enters and says, "Nabiki, I've got an idea that needs your help. It'll make our fathers a little less likely to blow anything around mom. And while there's no money involved, it'll only cost you a few minutes, and should pay you back in amusement, at our dear father's expense."  
"Sounds like fun. It's a slow day today, what do we do?"  
"Well, first we ask Kasumi to keep mom away from the dojo, and then we invite our fathers, and ..."  
***  
Soun and Genma-panda follow Nabiki to the Dojo. "Nabiki, what's this all about?"  
"Oh, it's just a harmless and amusing way for us to spend a little time. Kasumi's entertaining Nodoka while we do this, but I still wouldn't risk changing to human, Genma. Just in case." At about this time the fathers have reached the dojo, and are surprised seeing Ranma.  
"Son," Soun starts, "is this about the 4 o'clock..."  
Ranma interupts, "This has nothing to do with that. This is a game of `What If?'. You both believe that mom's arrival will blow over, and that I have been playing with fire talking with Mom. I wanted to give you some indication that I know what I'm doing, and show you some of the things I could do, but haven't done yet. The problem is that If I do one of them I can't undo it. So we are all going to pretend that Nabiki is my mom, and we're going to see how certain conversational gambits would progress."  
"Son, I don't see what you're getting at."  
"Please play along for now Mr. Tendo, and you'll see. Remember, treat Nabiki as if she were my mother. Scenario one; Mr. Tendo, I want to talk to you about Ranko."  
"Ranko?"  
"I feel I have the best right to speak in her interests. Do you think there's anyone more deserving to look out for her best interests?"  
"I think Genma knows what's best for her..."  
"Mr. Tendo, please tell my mother why Genma would speak for Ranko Tendo? Surely they're not related."  
Soun starts to perspire "Well I mean I'm most suited, as head of the Tendo family."  
"That's what I want to talk to you about. She's not yet on your family registry. I know you call her a Tendo out of kindness, and i know you plan to eventually bring her into your family, don't you?"  
"Oh yes, I want her in my family..."  
"I really think it's time you formally adopted her into your clan. After all, her mother doesn't recognize her since she wanted a son, and her father wont tell his wife that she's his daughter."  
Nabiki chimes up "Is this true? Her only family is a father that hides her from his wife? She's such a sweet girl. Ranma is right, I'll help you formally adopt her. It should be easy to get her away from her abusive parents."  
"But ..."  
"Mr. Tendo, on your honor, do you deny anything I've said?"  
"No Ranma, but..."  
"And after you formally adopt me, the Saotome clan dies, and the engagement is broken because Akane and I are now sisters. Scenario two; Mom, Mr. Tendo and I have been deceiving you. We've been hiding my father from you because my father and I feel we've failed to live up to your promise. Therefor we must commit Seppuku. I have realized this is unmanly and ask you to judge me. If I don't meet your goals I'll consign myself. But first I am the only link to your husband, and I'll help you find him. He has forsaken our family honor""  
Nabiki looks at her father, "Is this true? have you been hiding my husband from me? Has he forsaken his family honor, and hides from me?"  
Soun looks astonished "No, I wouldn't say that" at which point Ranma splashes Genma with warm water.  
Nabiki looks shocked, draws a bokuto, and charges the fathers shouting "Die!".  
Ranma splashes his father with cold water, and Nabiki sits back down. "Scenario three; Mom", Ranma kneels in front of Nabiki, "My father has forsworn me too many times to allow me to marry into the Tendo family. Family honor insists we unite our families. I ask you to marry Soun after a suitable mourning period of your soon late husband." Soun Genma and Nabiki all look shocked at this one.  
"Scenario four; Mom, giri insists I fulfill my debt to the Amazons. I've made an arrangement with Cologne. She's annulled my match with Shampoo as long as I move our family into the village, and agree that whoever wants to marry me is bound by Joketsu laws. From now on you are the legal head of the family. Genma must obey your wishes, or Cologne will punish him for you. If Akane or Ukyou still wish to marry me they'll have to leave Japan forever, and follow me to China." At this point, Nabiki bursts out laughing at the expressions of Soun and Genma.  
"Scenario five; Mom, the only other option to seppuku is the end of the family name. I'm sure that either Akane's family or Ukyou's family would be willing to adopt us, and that would leave me free to marry the other one."  
"Scenario six; Mom, please come to my room to see the three thousand panties I've collected. A few months ago Soun and Genma apprenticed me to Happosai. I still can't match him in fondling young girls, but I've gotten awful good at stealing underwear."  
Nabiki looks at the fathers. "Ranma, I think they wont react to any more shocks for a while, they seem stunned."  
Soun looks at Ranma, "You wouldn't do any of that, son, would you?"  
"I wouldn't do any of that unless you try to force my hand. I just want to show you how hard it would be if you insist on maintaining an adversarial relationship with me. I'm sure Nabiki and Akane could stage a worse situation for you. If Akane wanted to insure that we couldn't get married, she could, reluctantly, break down and confess all our secrets to my mother in the worst possible light. Pop and I would be dead within hours. Your only hope for your dreams lies in working with me."  
***  
As Ranma and Nabiki leave the stunned fathers in the dojo, Nabiki asks "Would you really go that far?"  
"I'd do something that extreme. I don't know what I'd do. I had to hit them with many choices so they wouldn't think they'd be able to scuttle my attack and go on running roughshod over our lives."  
"What are you going to do to resolve this?"  
"I have no idea. But I've lost almost all respect for either of our fathers, and until they regain that respect, their dreams for the future are less important to me than the happiness of my friends. I've been meaning to ask you, have you been making plans for when all of this chaos is over?"  
"Of course I have. I'm covering as many bases as I can to keep us from acquiring any bloodfeuds however this resolves."  
"I didn't mean that, I meant treaties with the Amazons, deals with Ryouga and Ukyou. When this resolves, the martial artists will likely leave. Between the Amazons and Ryouga you could expand your dealings beyond Nerima once they're done fixating on us."  
"I can't believe I missed that. Cologne's the key."  
"Cologne could probably help you to become truely wealthy, as long as you don't mind being used while you are trying to use her."  
"No one uses me."  
"Cologne will set things up where it's to your advantage to do things that help her. You wouldn't bite off your own nose to spite your face. Learn what you can from her, and vow to surpass her. That's the only way I've been able to stand her and Happosai."  
***  
At 3:15, Ranma and Kasumi leave for shopping. Ranma is wearing his school backpack, for some reason. When Akane asks about it, he shrugs it off with "It's for the surprise."  
Akane's curiosity is now peeked. She follows them at a great distance, easily staying unnoticed, since Ranma and Kasumi are currently just shopping for groceries. She doesnt even have to enter stores, since neither Ranma nor Kasumi are making any attempt to do anything but collect food. As 4:00 starts to draw near it would be hard for Akane to to loose them, seeing as Ranma is carrying a mass of bags rivaling himself in volume. Ranma has by now told Kasumi where they were going, but judging from the questions Akane heard Kasumi asking Ranma, Kasumi has no idea why they're going there.  
When they reach the abandoned lot, at 4:00, both Kasumi and Akane are startled to find Genma and Soun waiting, with Genma in human form. Ranma explains everything to Kasumi.  
"This morning the three of us got into an argument, which ended in a formal challenge. Kasumi, I've invited you here because the results of that challenge will affect you, I'm afraid. If I lose the fight Soun and Pop get to veto where I go, and who I spend time with. If I win they have to obey my conditions. I've finally decided on them.   
"Soun, if I win, you have to relinquish your position as head of the household to Kasumi until there is a change in the family ledger. You'll no longer be able to make demands on your daughters and I, but ask Kasumi to make them. She already does all of the work as the oldest female anyway, and I feel she has a better grip on what happens around the house. I've put a time limit on it so that you don't feel you've been put out to pasture, and so Kasumi doesn't feel the burden to do this indefinitely.  
"Pop, if I win, you go on a diet, until you lose 40 pounds. You'll also go back to eating Panda fare when you're a panda, if that doesn't cause Kasumi extra work. Since these conditions are a surprise to you two, I offer to fight both of you together."  
Needless to say, everyone but Ranma was shocked. "Boy, you can't expect me to lose 40 pounds, I'm my ideal weight!"  
"Pop, you've put on 20 pounds since we moved here from eating Kasumi's cooking. The figure of 40 pounds comes from your doctor and employer, Tofu-sensei. Frankly, I don't think you have the self-control to ever reach it."  
"Ranma, why are you trying to make me the head of my family?"  
"Actually there are several reasons. Once I thought of it, it seemed like poetic justice. You're better at organizing and running things; compare your Christmas party to any of your father's wedding schemes. People will do what you say because they respect you, while your father is slowly loosing the respect of everyone at home. You and possibly Nabiki are the only people Happosai listens to, and since your father does whatever Happosai wants, he's been riding roughshod over the Tendos for years. You wind up doing most of the work, and receive few benefits for it. And if you are planning on eventually having a home of your own, this will be good practice. Akane always acts on her feelings, Nabiki already knows how to get people to do what she wants. You're the only sister who never had the chance, and you're the only sister who could wield the power, and still ask others what they wanted. Your sisters already are disposed to obey you since you rarely ask for anything anyway."  
***  
As the fight begins, Kasumi is waiting outside the yard with the groceries, and Ranma's schoolbag. Akane is watching from within a tree. Ranma's schoolbag had contained a thermos of hot water in case his father got hit by cold water, and a belt sack containing several dozen 40cm. long spikes, which Ranma was now wearing around his waist.  
Genma's first reaction to seeing his son arm himself was disdain. "You should never rely on weapons, son. You know you can't count on them being available, and they force you to limit yourself when using them."  
"I know that, but I wanted to have something Happosai doesn't expect, and I figured I could test them here. If it fails, I'll fight you without them. If it allows you to win while I'm wasting my time on them, then it's my own fault."  
All three leap simultaneously to fight, but Ranma doesn't leap towards the other two, who are executing mirror-image kicks. Ranma uses his leap to dodge, and try to keep some distance. "Tenshin amaguriken revised, steel hail" Ranma starts throwing the spikes at the other two, one at a time, but at amaguriken speeds. The two fathers continue trying to kick Ranma, but now have to also dodge the flying steel bolts. Both Soun and Genma are covered in surface scratches, and tears in their clothes, but not one of the spikes managed to hit either of them. Both groups separate, so Genma can taunt his son. "Not bad, boy. But we dodged them all. You'll never catch the master that way, and now you're unarmed."  
Ranma replies with "Ranma Saotome combination attack, still unnamed! Moko Takabisha modified!" Ranma forms his Chi blast, but with a wide dispersal so it can't be easily dodged. However, since it isn't concentrated, the parents don't even try to avoid it, it doesnt hurt them at all. Genma starts to laugh at his son...  
When the several dozen spikes embedded in the ground around them explode, revealing that each contained a small firecracker, and that the moko takabisha was to ignite them. As the explosion consumed them, Ranma performed the Hiryu Shoten Ha, sending the parents into the sky and out of consciousness.  
***  
After the large explosion, Ranma made sure the fathers weren't seriously injured, and got Kasumi. "They're just unconscious, Kasumi. Can you watch them for a few minutes? I'll take the groceries home, and get Akane back here to help me carry these two home."  
"Alright Ranma."  
After Ranma got half a block, Akane joined him for the walk back home. "Akane, did you see everything?"  
"Yes Ranma. I understand why you fight your father, and he could use a diet. But I want you to tell me why you included my father in your duel."  
"I thought you'd be furious over this."  
"I am mad. But your explanation to Kasumi made alot of sense, so I'm giving you one chance to explain before I pound you."  
Ranma chuckles, "Fair enough. This is something I didn't tell Kasumi. I had 2 arguments with your father. One last night, where I told him that basically he had to treat me like an adult, or that he and I would eventually fight. I also told him all the ways I could destroy his dreams if he thought of treating me as his enemy. It wouldn't be too hard. All of his dreams require you and I do exactly what they want. How could they ever come true if he and I were fighting? His only hope is to convince us to do what they want, yet he keeps demanding things, and I realized his demands were unreasonable. He doesn't have the right to control me the way he wants to.  
"In spite of this, this morning He and Pop went into their `you're slacking off, boy' routine. I've been planning that combination all week for Happosai, but they never raise a fist to him unless Happosai is already unconscious, and they never stop playing shogi long enough to train. I refused to back down, and I gave them chances to save face both this morning and this afternoon. I had to think of something that would show your father I was serious, but I didn't want to make it something that would crush his spirit, the way Happosai has. Besides, I'd rather my mother deals with Kasumi than with your father when it gets time to straighten out this whole engagement mess. Kasumi tries to make everyone happy, and makes life pleasant; your father wants everything to go as he plans."  
"Nabiki was right. You did have an explanation. I don't like what you did, though. Next time keep my father out of it."  
Ranma chuckles, "Your father is out of it. Now we'll have to listen to Kasumi insisting we marry!"  
"Ranma!"  
***  
Dinner that evening is a subdued affair. Nabiki, Nodoka and Kasumi are acting normally, but Ranma is acting in a subdued manner, Akane seems deep in thought, and Soun is ready to burst into tears. Ranma finally announces "I believe Soun has an announcement concerning the household." At which point Soun finally does burst into tears.  
Kasumi interrupts, "Perhapse I'd better make the announcement for him. He seems a little distraught. For now I'll be the official head of the Tendo family. Very little will actually change, but now I'm responsible for all agreements surrounding our clan's honor. Primarily, Father has no direct say in how or when any of us get married. Nodoka we wanted you to know that when the time comes to discuss merging our families, you'll be making arrangements with me, and not Father."  
Nodoka shows her suprise on her face. "Kasumi, I'm sure you'll do a splendid job as family head."  
Meanwhile Nabiki is shocked.  
***  
Ranma is exercising in the Dojo after dinner, when he's confronted by Nabiki. "Ranma, what do you think you're doing?"  
"I'm moving the decisions concerning Akane's and my possible future out of the hands of incompetents, and giving them to people who I trust. Ya'know I thought of making you family head, but that'd be redundant. You already run the finances, and could manipulate the family if necessary to do things your way."  
"Ranma, I'm not arguing that. I don't like what you did to my father."  
"All of us have been listening and doing what would make Soun happy. He hasn't paid any regard to our wishes or his duties as head of the household. He had voluntarily put his right to be head of the household as a stake in a bet against me. I gave him several chances to back out. When he lost I collected."  
"Ranma, you're making changes too fast. You have to give them time to adjust to each one before you spring the next one. Otherwise you'll make them enemies."  
"I don't have you're talent for subtlety. I can't make them like the changes. Our parents have been running my life for too long. I'm leaving them alone except when they try to exert control over me, and then I'm slapping back hard. Unlike Happosai I'm only beating them up to the point where they can't or won't try that tactic again."  
"Are you going to continue to bludgeon people until you get your way?"  
"Actually I might not have to. Our parents will back off now. The martial artists who want to beat me up are all working on their own problems and thoughts. The females are trying to stay in my mother's graces. The only 4 left are you, my mother, Happosai, and Cologne. You and I don't really have any conflicting desires. My mother I trust. Happosai is missing. And Cologne is giving me space to think. She actually told me she's not pushing me because she thinks the added strain might cause me to do something irrational and unpredictable, and the odds that that would benefit her would be slim." 


	14. Chapter 14

Monday morning is a quiet affair. Akane, at Kasumi's insistence, has to drag Ranma out of bed so that he doesn't oversleep. Despite her usual rough treatment of him, Ranma doesn't bother to complain. Over breakfast, Ranma eats slowly, and much, much less than usual. Kasumi asks, "Ranma, Is there something wrong with your food? I can get you something else if you don't want that."  
"Kasumi, your breakfast is excellent. I'm just not hungry today."  
Akane smirks, "Ranma not hungry? That's frightening!" Ranma doesn't rise to the bait, which starts people worrying.  
Kasumi asks, "Ranma, is something wrong? Are you feeling alright?"  
"I feel fine. I'm just tired."  
"Well, I'll pack you a little more food for lunch, in case your hunger catches up with you later."  
"Thanks Kasumi."  
***  
On the way to school, Ranma walks behind Akane. He doesn't bother walking on fencetops, and he doesn't make conversation. He looks dejected. Halfway to school, Shampoo's bike lands on Ranma driving his face into the ground.  
"Nihao Ranma. Saturday was great fun. Let's do something fun this morning."  
"I can't, Shampoo. I'm going to school. I'll see you after school when I get my checkup from the old ghoul, I mean your Grandmother."  
"Ranma, are you OK? You don't look too good."  
Akane snarls, "Maybe thats because you landed a bike on his head!"  
Shampoo turns on Akane, "Ranma is too strong to let that bother him. I have to try to land on him. Great-grandmother insisted I train Ranma to detect surprise attacks, and he trains me in making a better surprise attack. Ranma got much better at sensing. He should have been able to dodge."  
At this point Akane and Shampoo notice that Ranma has quietly resumed walking to school at a slow pace. The girls catch up to him in seconds. Shampoo begins to worry, "What's wrong, Ranma? You're not acting normal. Are you feeling OK?"  
"I'm just tired, Shampoo. I'll see you later this afternoon"  
***  
In spite of his obvious fatigue, Ranma stays awake through class. He doesn't bother taking notes, he just sits there, answering any questions asked of him, but not volunteering anything.   
***  
Between class periods, Kuno walks into the empty hall where the kendo club usually meets. Calmly he surveys the room, and sits. "Sasuke, come forth" *boink* "that you might" *boink* "sample the wisdom of ..." *boink* "Sasuke, appear!" *boink* "For I have..." *boink* "Sasuke please come here, I wish to bounce some ideas off of you."  
In a blur, Sasuke appears kneeling before Kuno. "You wished to speak to me?"  
"Yes. I find acting in the manner I discribed to you earlier to be exceedingly taxing, and harder to maintain. No doubt it is the force of my own nobility which shines out of me that undermines my attempts at behaving like the hoi polloi. I need to find some means to rectify this situation."  
"Well, Sire. I hear they're doing remarkable things with Monoamine Oxydase Inhibitors these days."  
"No, no. Drugs are my sister's forte. There must be some manner to use my inherent nobility to work with my attempted change, instead of against it."  
"But Sire, you're trying to attempt to completely mask your own nature from those around you. How could it succeed?"  
"That's it! from your words I gleen a clue that my intellect can adapt to my purpose. Come Sasuke, we have much to do!"  
***  
As lunch period starts, Akane and Ukyou walk to the back of the room to talk. Ukyou asks, "What's wrong with Ranma."  
"I have no idea. He's been like that all morning. I can't think what could have caused it."  
"Did anything odd happen yesterday?"  
Akane giggles, "You could say that. Ranma made Kasumi the head of the Tendo family, and forced his father on a diet of panda food until he loses 40 pounds."  
"What? How did this happen? And why would that make Ranma feel so down?"  
"Apparently our fathers were nagging Ranma yesterday morning, so he challenged both of them to a duel. I've never seen him set people up like that, or win so decisively. Our parents went from jeering Ranma to unconcious in about 3 seconds. He said it was an attack he was planning for Happosai. I think he might be able to beat the master without the use of underware or cleavage!"  
Suddenly Sasuke appears seated on the teacher's desk, playing a nohkan (type of flute). As the ancient melody starts, the entire class notices Kuno enter. He is wearing something no one there had ever seen before. It was a cross between a male furinkan student's uniform and a Kimono. The entire garment made up of brightly patterned silks. And over Kuno's face, he wore a white mask that looked an awful like Gosunkugi.   
Kuno proceeded to sway, and dance, and stride until he was kneeling before Akane. Throughout this performance the entire class whispers and gossips among themselves. Finally, Sasuke finishes his flute piece, and Kuno begins to deliver his speech, using overblown hand and body movements to convey his emotions. "Please permit this humble student the grace and courage to talk to the beautius Akane Tendo; even though I can never hope to consider my worth high enough to consider such an action, still I impose myself on the limitless patience and consideration of the goddess before I, a mear humble student, do debase myself most unworthyly at her feet."  
At this point Sasuke addresses the shocked class, announcing "The humble highschool student seeks out the love of his life, and begs her for an audience"  
Kuno resumes his speach, "Would the beauteus Akane Tendo permit me to discuss a matter of some delicacy regarding this humble student's search for the consummation of his love which, though resting in this unworthy one's heart, does bear all of the markings and strength of passion as did never two people ever feel before, or at least since the Tokugawa era?"  
At this point, Akane's hammer, golf club-like, swings down, impacting Kuno on the side, shattering the mask, and sending him through the closed window of the classroom.  
***  
Kuno enters his classroom once again dressed in his usual kendo uniform, and walks up to Nabiki's desk. "Nabiki Tendo, I would speek with you" *boink* "about a matter of business and of the heart," *boink* "which we had started discussing a few days ago."  
"Kuno I wish you had let me know about your performance in Akane's classroom in advance. I'd have loved to get it on tape."  
"Much as I agree that the performance" *boink* "Sasuke! enough for now!", Kuno screamed. "Nabiki, I'm having difficulty masking my noble bearing around Akane..."  
"So you thought to act like a character from a Noh play?"  
"Quite so. What better way for one of nobility to act as a commoner?"  
"They're doing wonderful work nowadays with selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors."  
"Be serious. I have come to you for advice."  
"That'll be 3,000 yen, and the outfit you wore today during the Noh skit."  
"Here's the money, Sasuke will deliver the garment to your domicile tonight."  
"There are two things that the common person has that the nobility lack. Humility and despair. You must learn what these emotions feel like to properly behave as a commoner."  
"That's it! That's what I've been missing. Come Sasuke, we have work to do.  
Shortly thereafter in Ranma's class, no one notices a blur which coincides with the disappearance of the least noticeable student in class, Hikaru Gosunkugi.  
***  
Another break in the class day occurs, and Ukyou, Ranma and Akane get together to talk. Unfortunately, they're interrupted by Ryouga's voice calling out from the front of school, "Ranma, where are you? Come out here so I can kill you."  
Ranma closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. "Could one of you bring the Lost Bo..., Sorry, could you bring Ryouga up here? I'm not in a mood to fight him, and he'll never find his way up here unaided."  
"We'll get him, right Akane?" Ukyou asks.  
Akane looks at Ukyou puzzled, and says "All right."  
As soon as they are out fo the classroom, Akane asks Ukyou "Why'd you want us to get him together?"  
"I wanted a word with you. I'm really starting to worry about Ranma today. I've never seen him so ... passive. He normally jumps into fights with Ryouga. And he stopped halfway through calling him Lost Boy. Why'd he do that?"  
"I can answer the second one; yesterday, we made a deal. I promised not to call Shampoo names if he'd stop calling Ryouga names. His mother got him thinking about all the insults flying around here."  
"Well that's one mystery explained, but what about not wanting to fight Ryouga?"  
"I'd better tell you about Shampoo this morning. Shampoo landed her bike ontop of him, While we were arguing, he just continued walking to school."  
"I don't think we should leave Ryouga alone with Ranma, while Ranma is acting so oddly."  
"You're probably right."  
***  
"Once again Gosunkugi, I find I can use you to further my plans! Tomorrow you will learn grandeur as I learn humility."  
***  
Ukyou and Akane return to the classroom with Ranma in tow. "There you are, Ranma. Lets go outside so I can kill you!"  
"No."  
"Um, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to fight in here."  
"I meant I wasn't going to fight you."  
"What's the matter with you! This is a matter of honor! Fight me like a man."  
"If you want to spar, meet me in my free time in the dojo. If this is a matter of honor, then it should see the light of day. If I have wronged you, and you want revenge, tell me now what I have done."  
"You know what you've done to me, you've made my life hell!"  
"You didn't need my help for that. I've more than put up with enough from you to make up for the accident you've had. I've fought you over this more often than I care to count. I feel you have no more right to call me out. If you disagree, I'm willing to put it to a vote. Pick anyone you like, we'll tell them everything, and they'll decide if I have to fight you."  
"Tell someone? You wouldn't dare!"  
"I told you I wouldn't. But if you want the right to interrupt my day against my will, I insist that you do it. After all, if I have wronged you, it should be easy."  
Akane interrupts "Yes Ryouga, I volunteer to judge. You know I'll support you if this Baka deserves it. Besides, I've been wondering for a long time. Ranma said you were trapped in an embarrassing situation due to things beyond your control. You know I'll keep whatever is going on secret, and try to get you out of it."  
"Tell you? Embarassing situation? You want to be the Judge?"  
Ranma interrupts Ryouga's nervous rambling. "Akane, knowing this and keeping quiet has hurt my relation with Ryouga. He shouldn't risk any of his other friendships."  
"Come on, Ranma, Ryouga couldn't have done something that bad."  
"I told you it isn't a matter of how bad his actions were, It's a matter of embarassment."  
"You just don't want me to judge, because you're afraid I'll support Ryouga!"  
"I don't care. I said he could pick anyone he wanted, and I meant it. Go argue with him, and leave me out of it."  
Ryouga interrupts "Stop talking about me like I wasn't here!"  
Ranma turns to Ryouga, "If you want to fight me, find me in the dojo. If you want to fight me here, choose your judge. If you attack me without one, you are nothing more than an honorless bully. You're better than that. Now, leave me alone!"  
Akane turns to Ryouga, "It can't be that big a problem, just pick me and we can settle this once and for all."  
Ryouga, with a horrified look to his face, runs for the classroom door, and is within moments lost (in the school's boiler room).  
***  
As Ranma leaves school for the day, Ukyou stops him. "Ranma, you've been acting oddly all day. Whats going on?"  
"Nothing, Ucchan, I'm just tired. Tired, and sick of the pointless repeating of the same stupid fights, day after day."  
"But I thought you liked your sparring sessions. You usually leap into them with with such joy."  
"I guess I'm just not in the mood."  
***  
Cologne examines Ranma, and announces "Now this is odd."  
Ranma looks up, "Is something wrong?"  
"Not necessarily wrong, just completely unexpected. Let's test your speed with the Amiguriken, I need to doublecheck my findings."  
Ranma reluctantly agrees, and their arms blur for ten seconds. Afterwards, Cologne comments "Well, that supports half of my findings."  
"What's going on?"  
"You're nowhere near your peak. You've dropped to levels from below when the coin was affixed to you."  
"And that isn't bad?"  
"Your skill was improved when you received the coin. Something is affecting that. We have no records of anything affecting the coin before. It's a detrimental effect, but it might lead to a clue to its removal. Tell me something. What have you learned from our daily Amiguriken tests?"  
"I've learned you have always been fast enough to prevent me from getting that locket containing the candy that I thought was the phoenix pill. I figured that out last week."  
Cologne chuckles, "I've been working on speed techniques for much longer than you've been alive, my boy. I don't have the flambuoyant strength you and my granddaughter possess."  
"You were playing with me all along!"  
"Right! why?"  
"Why?"  
"Yes why. I claimed to be opposed to you. I was the evil troll that trapped your manhood. Why offer you salvation? Why did I have the pill at all?"  
"I've already thought that one out. You needed a cure, or you had nothing to bargain with. If the pill was in China, I would have gone there directly. Either they couldn't have kept it from me, or you don't want them to know about this until it's taken care of."  
"Pretty good, but not complete. I had the only cure. I had you at a disadvantage. All I had to do was let Shampoo tell you, and then return home with the pill. You would have had to take it from me there, in our home surrounded by my tribe. Wouldn't that have been the wise thing? And why let you get it?"  
"If you hadn't given it to me when I went into the nekoken, you would have had to fight Shampoo."  
"True again, but still only part of it."  
"What am I missing?"  
"Once you went into nekoken, all I had to do was to back off until you came out of it."  
"I'd have just gone back into it to get the pill."  
"And we'd have repeated the process ad nauseum. And you still wouldn't have the pill. All you did was throw our conflict into ko."  
"Ko? As in the game Go?"  
"Yes, a situation that can't be resolved unless one person backs off, but otherwise equally ballanced. Now why did I back off?"  
"You had more than one thing planned, and you gave up your position when there were better things you could do?"  
"How did you come to that?"  
"From the Go analogy. The only reason to leave a ko to be taken by your opponent would be if there were more advantageous positions to play. Also, never play a Go stone just to attack or defend, If a stone doesn't benefit you in more than one manner, your opponent has probably already won."  
"True. The gambit with the pill was partly a test of your skill, partly a test of your determination, ability to pick up new techniques, finding out what sort of man you were, how you fight, how far you were willing to go. You were inevitably going to get the pill. What matterred to me was how you were going to get it. By the time you got it, I'd decided to stay in Japan. I learned enough to see that training you in new skills would educate Shampoo in ways I never could have managed in China. Shampoo loves you, and wouldn't force you to be her slave and return to China. I wont force you because as long as you remain here, and Shampoo pursues you, she learns more in a week, than she would in a month at home. You've also supported the other half of my findings through this discussion."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Not only are your motorskills decreased, but your thinking isn't as sharp as it was a few days ago. It's almost as if the coin has slightly weakened you in all the ways it normally strengthens. Can you think of anything that might have affected the coin?"  
"No. Nothing but the usual insanity happenning. What bearing does this have on my eventual madness and heartattack?"  
"Well, the opposite effect of madness and a heartattack would be sanity and life. It's little enough to go on, but it is the first clue we've seen that might be used to save you. All we have to do is understand why and how it is happenning, and we'll know if we can use this. Like I said before, prepare for the worst, but don't give up hope. Now go home, and get alot of sleep tonight. No sense in wearing yourself out, and right now, you're nearly running on empty."  
***  
Nodoka intercepts her son on his way to bed that evening. "Son, I'm trying to decide what to do about your father. He's done so many things that he has to answer for. I've made up a list of the things you've told me, plus as many facts as I remember from what you've told me. Please look it over, and correct whatever seems wrong, or left out, will you?"  
"Sure mom. A list of Pop's irresponsibilities, hmm? I guess it is alot to deal with without keeping notes." 


	15. Chapter 15

Ranma and Akane enter the courtyard of Furinkan, to see their way blocked by Gosunkugi standing in the middle of the path, wearing an oversized kendo uniform, carrying a bokken over his shoulder like a bayonette, obviously with no idea how to use it. Upon seeing them, he takes from his keikogi a paper list, and reads aloud "Lets see. Fair Akane ... Foul sorceror Saotome ... Grace of heaven ... Divine Retribution ... Come to me, my love ... None but the brave deserve the fair ... Impermanence of all things ... I would date with thee!" Gosunkugi looks up from the list to find an empty courtyard.  
***  
Upon entering their classroom, they can't help but notice that Tatewaki is sitting at a desk in the back of the classroom. He's wearing an ordinary school uniform that's at least 1 size too small, and has raccoon-like splotches around each eye. He sits forlornly, staring off into space. Akane and Ranma walk over to Ukyou's desk. "Ucchan, what's up with Kuno?"  
"I've no idea. He was here when I arrived."  
Akane comments, "He's been acting wierder than usual. I hope this isn't the beginning of some problem we'll have to deal with. I wonder if we should get a priest in here to try an exorcism before this gets serious. Maybe we could nip this in the bud before something else from feudal Japan uses him."  
Ranma answers, "Nah, doesn't look like possession to me. I think Nabiki's just bored, and having fun  
***  
Class continues uneventfully all morning, until it is almost lunchtime, when Kuno leaps up, overturning his desk. "How could any man with blood in his veins sit through class quiet and contented, saying nothing, while the fair Akane sits here? The very stones of the school would be moved to poetry at her beauty, and yet we're supposed to sit here able to see her beauty and talk not? Truely this were the Christian purgatory where one may see heaven but enter it not, were it not for our teacher whose droning makes this garden of learning a sulphurous pit of the damned! If only I could be Virgil for one hour, and lead Beatrice back to Paradisio, then..."  
At this point, Kuno's solilloque is cut short by Akane's hammer to the head, driving him once again through a closed window. "Sorry sensei, for the interruption."  
***  
"Sasuke, learning humility is harder than I thought. Lets try despair for now. But how will I, the great Tatewaki Kuno ever experience despair? As I am blessed by the gods, how could I fail? Without the possibility of failure how can I despair? I'm born to succeed at everything!"  
"But sire! That's a classic conundrum. Can an omnipotent being create a task even its creator couldn't do."  
"Of course, the answer is so simple. I must use my skill to counter my skill until I have no hope for success!"  
"Most people feel that the puzzle rests with the definition of omnipotent; I, however, think Goedel's comment that any sufficiently complex system gives rise to problems that can't be solved within the system ..."  
"Enough, Sasuke. we need chains, canvas, locks, concrete, a flail, and maybe an arc-wielder."  
***  
Some of Akane's friends found her in the classroom as their lunch period was nearly over. They had found and recognized Akane's pet P-chan wandering on the schoolgrounds, and brought him to Akane to take care of.  
"So the royal pain comes to school as well." Ranma complains.  
"Don't pick on P-chan, Ranma!"  
"It's not like a pig can understand me, is it?" At this point, P-chan leaps and chomps down on Ranma's fingers. Ranma swats him away, and of course, raises Akane's fury. Akane tries to hit Ranma, but he manages to dodge her. "Aww, man. I'm not in the mood to deal with this." The next time Akane overextends her attack, Ranma runs out the door.  
Akane, of course, gives chase. "Ranma, you jerk, get back here!"  
Ukyou follows them out. "Wait! Akane! Ranma!"  
***  
Sasuke has a worried look on his face. "I'm not sure that this is a good idea"  
"That is why I am doing the planning here. We need to circumvent my genious, so we'll use a test of strength. We need to circumvent my skill, so we've bound my arms securly to my torso with the canvas, and set my legs in these two containers of cement. We need the task to be monsterously difficult, thats why I had you lower that two ton weight into that ten foot pit, and connect it by chains to this metal belt that girds my chest. To avoid escape, we've had everything wielded together. Now all that remains is for you to act like the Furies, and force me to raise that weight."  
"But all you'd have to do is ask me to release you, and I'd have to immediately obey."  
"Then plug your ears, man. You are not to let me out until I have succeeded. Give me food and water and lashings until I have achieved this."  
"But isn't this impossible?"  
"Nothing's impossible for the great Tatewake Kuno."  
"Forgive me for doubting you."  
***  
Another high speed tour of Nerima.  
The fourth and fifth members are added when Shampoo and Mousse spot the chase. Shampoo persues Ranma, while, of course, Mousse alternates begging Shampoo to stop, and Ranma to release his Shampoo  
***  
"Sasuke! have you gone mad? What are you doing to my brother?"  
"Mistress Kodachi! I didn't hear what you said. Your brother ordered me to plug my ears whenever I might hear him."  
Kodachi drags the poor ninja away from his refreshing job of tanning his master's hide, so he can explain.  
"So how long will he be chained there?"  
"Until he can pull the weight out of the pit."  
"But didn't he design it so that he couldn't do that?"  
"Yes mistress. I wondered about that too."  
"Well this is a novel way to try to cure delusions of grandeur."  
"I believe he's hoping to understand despair."  
"I do believe I can help there. Sasuke, take this bag of powder. Wait, I need a pinch first. In fifteen minutes, shake this all over my brother, but make sure he doesn't breath in any, or get any in his eyes. Now put your earplugs back in, I want to talk to my brother in private."  
"Brother, dear, I heard about your efforts. I think this will help."  
"Kuno tries to block Kodachi's attack, but his bound arms prevent him. Luckily the attack is merely a rose, with the powder on it, and the rose merely brushes the underside of Tatewaki's nose."  
"Imoto, your attack seems less effective than most."  
"This is a new experiment. The powder is based on a cosmetics base, so it doesn't come off without soap or cleanser. Although I highly suggest not breathing in a cloud of it, this isn't a gas attack. The powder's too dense for that anyway."  
"Then what have you done to me?"  
"The bottom of the nose is extremely sensitive, and without hands would be nearly impossible to rub." Kodachi begins to leave, and before she disappears in a cloud of rosepetals and laughter, calls out, "Don't worry, it's only itching powder."  
***  
Somehow Ryouga had managed to reaquire his humanity, his clothes, and his umbrella. He joined in the persuit of Ranma. Kodachi, spotting the fun, also joins in, pursuing her Ranma-sama.  
***  
Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinken, was in excelent shape. The physical tortures that he, himself, had devised were merely an annoyance. The blows of his manservant were nothing compared to the shows of affection he usually sought from his two true loves. But for what seemed an unthinkably long time he'd been suffering from an itch he couldn't scratch. He was deeply involved in his third favorite hobby (I won't try to guess which of his other two, Kendo and pursuing girls, he prefers more). Kuno was imploring the heavens with the cruelty of his fate.  
"Curse my sister and her vile concoctions. How the gods must weep to see me this way. Sasuke! For the love of god, stop whipping me and scratch my nose!"  
As Sasuke hadn't paid the least attention to all of Kuno's previous entreaties, Kuno was surprised when Sasuke actually stopped. "At long last. Quickly man. Scratch the bottom of my nose!"  
Sasuke, ears still plugged, ignored Kuno's cries, and while standing before Kuno, while Kuno's eyes widened in horror, upended Kodachi's bag of itching powder over his master.  
***  
Tour Nerima had collected all of the loose martialartists in the area. Ranma was going from depressed to angry. He'd even been splashed with water, leaving his shirt clammy and plastered to him. "How can I get out of this? I haven't been able to lose them, and none of them will listen to me when they're like this. I'll have to try to startle them. Then they'll either listen, or I can start running again."  
Ranma rounds another blind corner, gets out of the way of the approaching stampeed, and lets the crowd run past him. Just as the startled crowd realize that Ranma is just Standing there, he screams "Enough!"  
Ranma approaches the crowd. "Let's get this handled right now. Everybody divide up. Everyone who wants to attack me step to the right. Everyone who wants to hug, glomp, or date me step to the left." Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kodachi seperate from Mousse, Ryouga and Akane. Ranma continues, "Nobody else? Nobody here who doesn't want to attack or hug me? Nobody chasing me because you just wanted to talk? Why am I not surprised. Ok, you three." he says as he turns to the three women who want to hug him, "Go home. All of you. I'm not in the mood. If you want to beat each other up, do me a favor, and do it far from here."  
They start to interrupt, "But Ran-chan," "Ailen" "Ranma-sama" "Enough!" Ranma shouts. "Go away, you can do this some other time. If you care about me at all you'll leave now and leave me alone" The three of them start walking away, looking back at Ranma every few seconds.   
Ranma turns to the other three. "Now you. I can keep running all day, but what you really want is to beat my head in. I'll give you each a chance to convince me to stay and fight you. You first, Ryouga. What did I do to you."  
"You've made my life hell!"  
"Bullshit. I've done what I can to make your life pleasant. I've guided you from place to place. I've invited you to the Tendos. I've sparred with you whenever you wanted. I've even covered for you way too many times. If you want me to fight you instead of just trying to lose you, you've got to do one of two things. Promise that if you lose this match you'll never strike me again."  
"I'll keep fighting you 'till your dead."  
"Then you'll want my other option. Tell Akane or my mother about why you hate me, or release me to do it for you."  
"You wouldn't."  
"I insist on it. That's the price I'm charging you to spar. If you're not willing to pay, then leave me alone. If you attack me, I'll assume you are willing to pay. Next. Mousse. Why are you chasing me?"  
"Because of Shampoo, of course."  
"I sent her home. Shouldn't you follow her instead of wasting time fighting me? Next. Akane. Why should I fight with you."  
"You hurt my pet P-chan."  
"Not good enough. He attacked me, and you didn't stop him."  
"You're a perverted freak who got me angry."  
"Still not good enough. You want to beat me up, challenge me like our parents did."  
Akane's composure is startled. "Challenge you?"  
"You're supposed to be the heir to the Tendo Dojo. If you're a martial artist, challenge me. If you're a bully, attack me because you're angry. I'll make it easy for you." Ranma lies down on the ground on his back, with his arms pinned beneath him. "I won't dodge. You want to beat me up because your angry, go right ahead. Just don't claim to be a martial artist. You've beaten me up hundreds of times before. Go ahead and pound me."  
"Damn you Ranma!" Akane runs off crying.  
"How dare you make Akane cry!" Ryouga pounces towards Ranma and throws a punch.  
Ranma dodges and says "I dare alot. Do you dare tell Akane your secret?" Ryouga hesitates. "Don't bother me until you are willing to take responsibilities for your own mistakes." Ranma walks away, leaving Ryouga standing there.  
***  
Kuno's excessive cries to the heavens haven't pierced the earplugs that Sasuke wore. Kuno has tried rolling on the ground, and over his chains in an effort to scratch the constant full-bodied itch his sister had inflicted on him. He was back to trying to budge the weight he was attached to, so that he could end his torment, and scratch. The repetitive blows that Sasuke rained down on his back provided a slight distraction from his itching torture.  
Clearly this was a bad day for Kuno. Sasuke couldn't hear his complaints, entreaties, and commands. Unfortunately for him, his father did.  
Unlike Kodachi, the principal didn't waste time talking with Sasuke. He just shaved his son bald, and dropped an exploding pineapple at his feet.  
The pineapple was a blessing in disguise. It cracked the concrete holding his feet, and severed the chain connecting him to the weight.  
Still bound, and itching, but no longer held in place, Kuno decided to run for it. Sasuke didn't have instructions for this eventuality, so he tried to guess what Kuno would have wanted. Sasuke kept to Kuno's heels, and whipped his master to still greater speed.  
***  
Instead of going back to school, Ranma decided to call it a day, and see his doctors. His first stop was Dr. Tofu, where he proceeded to tell Tofu about Cologne's observation about his motorskills and reasoning. Tofu points out that he had noticed Ranma's fluctuating energy levels, but has no idea what causes the changes.  
"Ranma, when was the last time you felt listless or tired? When did you first notice your usual energy return?"  
"I guess it was when I was chased through the streets today. Before that I was exhausted, but after that, I was filled with energy."  
"Well it might have been the sudden exertion, or a burst of adrenalin. We could try having you exercise heavily on a regular basis, and then have you refrain for a few days, and see if there's a correlation. Otherwise I still have nothing to reccommend but getting alot of sleep and food. Suggest the exercise regimen idea to Cologne, and see what she thinks."  
***  
A quick trip through the furo on the men's side of a public bath proved that Kodachi's itching powder wouldn't be washed of with merely water. While the residents of Nerima were used to many bizarre sights, a wealthy kendoist being chased in broad daylight by a diminutive ninja intent on flagelation was a new one.  
***  
Cologne was surprised at the change in Ranma in just one day. Today he was faster at the Amaguriken than he'd ever been before.  
"Impressive, son-in-law. If I didn't know you so long, and if this weren't such a serious situation for you, I'd suspect you either were intentionally holding back yesterday, or you had received extra speed training last night from some other teacher. Your father hasn't the speed or the knowledge. Is Happosai still missing?"  
"Yep, I haven't seen him since he found out I was cured."  
"I think you'd better regard him as a hidden enemy then, he's surely plotting something. What he's plotting is probably based on what he thinks the situation is. You didn't explain the coin to him, did you?"  
"No way. I didn't want him to have any advantage over me. He might have seen the coin, but I doubt it. He didn't comment on it, and while I was fighting him, my hand was closed."  
"Well there's not much we can do about him until he acts. Dr. Tofu's excercise suggestion sounds like a good one. Keep in mind you want a constant level of exertion without straining yourself."  
"Can you show me any ways to increase my speed still further? Even if you have had more practice than me, I still don't like being so slow compared to you."  
"Well you're too slow to learn the next speed kata I know..."  
"Just show me, and I'll master it!"  
"That's just what you mustn't do. If you did master it, you'd be stressing yourself more than would be safe while you are wearing the coin. No, it's better if you work on just improving what you have for now. There is something I tried in 1930 that might help you. I don't have the parts here, but by now the parts are pretty cheap, and easy to buy. The bigest problems with the Amaguriken training are precision, and speed. You are well past the point where you can see your own fists, and if you weren't watching my muscles and stance, you couldn't block me at the speed we've been using. Get a photographer's strobe with a variable speed, and practice punching a target only when the strobe is off. When it's on, have your hands back. You can also use it to accurately measure your speed. Don't go overboard, remember you don't want to push yourself too far. You're in the unique position of being strong to outside attacks, yet fragile in health."  
***  
Those people still at school were treated to the sight of a bald, soaking wet, bound Kuno, being chased by his manservant through the coridors. Kuno's cries of "Alchohol! Acetone! Get Me Turpentine!" were oddly mixed with Sasuke's cries of "Please master, slow down. I'm having trouble whipping you at this speed."  
***  
"Nabiki," Ranma started, "Do you have any good ideas for me to make cash? I need to buy some equipment for training. I dont want our parents to know about it, so that leaves earning it or borrowing it. I don't feel like watressing, and I figure you'd know of some method that wouldn't involve exploiting my figure, or my fiancees."  
"Well, there's one idea I had, when you faced the Gambling King, but I rejected it, because you wouldn't do something so dishonest, but with a little modification, you could make a good living honestly from it. You'd need to train in something that isn't martial arts, although knowing you, you'll find a way to encorporate it into your fights. How'd you like to learn to be a card shark? It's basically learning to manipulate small objects with speed and control."  
"I don't want to swindle people, the Gambling King was a special case."  
"Ranma, the world is filled with special cases. But I was thinking about the performance you gave when you fought Mousse under the cat-toungue shiatzu point. Develop a magic act based on sleight of hand, and chi attacks. Too bad you no longer transform, or you could add real magic to the act, and charge rates for 2 people."  
"Maybe I can get Mousse to help me. We have a sort of truce going, and he could do an act right now. The two of us should be able to make a professional act. I assume you'll get us the jobs and take a percentage?"  
"I've always done my best work with enlightened self-interest. Check out the local libraries tomorrow for books on sleight of hand and buy a few decks of cards, and find out how much the equipment you need for training costs. If you're willing to push on with this, I can advance you some of your future earnings, especially as I know you'll have the money to pay it back.  
***  
As Ranma prepares to leave the house, he spots his mother. "Mom, here's the revised list you wanted."  
"Thanks Ranma, before you leave, please sign it at the bottom, and date it."  
"OK mom."  
Ranma signs it, and leaves. He's halfway to the Nekohanten before it strikes him as odd that his mother asked him to sign it.  
***  
Ranma ducks into the Nekohanten, and is immediately hugged by Shampoo, "Airen! You came to see me?"  
"Actually, I came to see Mousse."  
"Why Mousse? Why not me? Are you still mad about this afternoon?"  
"No, no. I was just in a bad mood this afternoon. I wanted to talk with Mousse about an idea Nabiki had."  
"Are you planning to date Nabiki and Mousse this weekend?"  
"No! What made you think of that?"  
"Well, you spent the last two Saturdays with 2 other people. You haven't said anything about next Saturday, but you want to talk to Mousse about something to do with Nabiki."  
"No, no. Although I might spend Saturday on this, I'm not trying to spend time with Nabiki. Spending time with her takes too much concentration to be fun all day. Where is Mousse?"  
"He's in back, washing dishes. He's hopeless as a waiter. If he takes too long, the water gets cold, and grandmother makes jokes about Peking duck."  
"Thanks, see you later."  
***  
"Mousse, Do we still have a truce, or are you mad at me?"  
"Not right now. What did you want?"  
"I thought I'd offer a trade. I want to improve my speed and agility handling small objects. If you'll train me in that, I'll show you how to improve your close-range aerial fighting. Most of your aerial attacks are distance attacks."  
"You want me to teach you some of my kata and secrets?"  
"Hey, I'm offering a trade. Besides, I'm not likely to start throwing knives at you. I usually fight weaponless."  
"Then why would you want this?"  
"Nabiki thinks i can use my speed to put on a magic act, using sleight of hand, so I can raise some cash. If I had something like that to fall back on, travelling with Pop would have been much easier. You travelled with a circus for a while using your skills to do a magic act. So I thought I'd ask you. If you feel it is too much of an imposition, I'll do it the hard way with library books."  
"OK, sounds good. I don't get much time off here, though. Until you get the basics down, you'll want to practice with the same items, until you get that down. If you are going to do a magic act, the five traditional items are cards, balls, coins, cigarettes, and silk scarves. Which will you start with?"  
"I was going to start with cards. I've had some practice when I faced the Gambling King. Could you teach me coins? Then I could practice nearly everywhere, like in class."  
"Ok, start with a 100 yen coin and hold it like this. Use a 100 yen coin, because it's shiny, the 10 yen coin would work as well for practice, except that it's harder to see, and you should practice with the coin you're going to use when you perform. Now you have several goals. You want your hand to look as natural as possible while your palming the coin, but you want to make it appear suddenly like this. And then dissapear like this. Get this one down, and I'll show you the next way to palm a coin."  
"Great. I'll ask for pointers after my daily meeting with Cologne, and when you have time, come by the dojo, and I'll tighten up your aerial attacking." 


	16. Chapter 16

Wednesday morning comes, and Ranma is up, well before breakfast. Instead of martial arts, he's studying a phone directory, and taking notes for later.   
Akane comes downstairs dressed for school, and stares at Ranma. "I never thought I'd see you this active, this early, without fighting someone."   
"I've got some errads to run after school, so I'm collecting the information I'll need now."   
"Hmph. Since you never wear a school uniform, you don't have to come home to change, unlike the rest of us."   
"Good thing too, between this and the 2 daily checkups, I've got a full afternoon."   
"What are you upto now, Ranma?"   
"Oh, just some suggestions from Nabiki, Cologne, and Mousse."   
"What would those three agree on?"   
"You'd be surprised what three people adept at hiding their actions can accomplish."   
***   
Nodoka walks into the kitchen, where Kasumi is washing the breakfast dishes. "Kasumi, I've errands to run that will probably take me all day. I have a meeting with a lawyer, that might have the key to resolving Ranma's fiancee problems."   
"Good Luck"   
Soun overhears this, and drags Genma-panda behind the dojo to talk (or, at least, communicate, as Genma is limited to signs) "Genma, Is this a good or a bad sign? She's getting help from people who care nothing for our efforts and plans."   
"Lawyers will support the strongest case. Joining the families together came first."   
"True, but why bring in an outsider?"   
"Maybe she's appealing to a higher authority, to convince the stubborn fools who wont give up otherwise?"   
"How right you are; that must be it. The others are so stubborn and unreasonable. How smart of Nodoka to find a higher authority to back her choice!"   
Genma signs "Why didn't we think of that?"   
"Because if we went to the courts, your wife would have found you."   
"Oh yes. We could have asked the master to back us."   
"I did once. He insisted on a promise that we allow him to grope the wedding party for good luck."   
"Ranma would have defended them."   
"He also wanted to grope him, said he had his wedding bra already picked out."   
"It could be worse."   
"He also insisted on being allowed to name the first born."   
"So?"   
"I will NOT have my first grandchild named after a piece of women's undergarment!"   
"Ok, Ok."   
"Are you sure your wife will support the joining of our families?"   
"She always has before."   
"She didn't know about the others."   
"Don't worry. She likes Akane."   
"You're right, old friend. You're right."   
***   
Ranma and Akane arrive to class, just before the bell rings, leaving no time to talk. Ranma pulls out a 100 yen coin, and starts fiddling with it. This was made more difficult due to the coin stuck to his hand, that was the cause of all of the problems he'd been facing recently, but he was overcoming this slight handicap.   
Having something to do with his hands makes it easier to stay alert in the otherwise boring class. After a while, the Teacher notices Ranma's unusual behavior, but when he asks Ranma a question, Ranma manages to answer correctly. The teacher decides to overlook the mild disturbance, as it seems Ranma is actually paying more attention in class distracted than he usually did when asleep.   
After the morning is half over, his clumsy manipulations were becoming more fluid, and he was working on trying both hands at once, when he stopped, as he got an idea. He pulled out a piece of paper, and started writing, occasionally making corrections. After proofing it, he copied it over onto a fresh sheet, and started another. By lunchtime he had finished 3 sheets.   
***   
The judge writes a few words at the bottom of a page, and then stamps it with his Hanpo. "Alright Mrs. Saotome, I've approved it provisionally. If your husband wants to oppose this, he has one year, or two weeks from when a solicitor can serve him an official notice, whichever comes first. In that case I'd have to see both of you together to hear both sides. After that period, the only was to oppose this would be if he could prove ignorance of this, so you'd be well advised to use this openly. Barring that, you're all set. Take these papers to the clerk in the outer office. He'll file them, and write up the official papers."   
"Thank you, your honor. What should I do when I find my husband?"   
"The clerk will give you a number, and information on how to present him the information, so that both he and the court know when the 2 week period expires."   
"Thank you again."   
***   
The teacher of Nabiki's class gave Nabiki and Kuno more leeway than other students. He had some measure of respect for Nabiki, due to her academic intelligence, her ability to attract followers (even if it was at the expense of having friends), and the ability to play Kuno like a fiddle. She was obviously the instigator of alot of the confusion at Furinken, but never in a directly blameable manner. Perhapse, he sometimes thought, he should come down hard on her. She's an obvious troublemaker, and non-conformist; but the teacher always had a nagging feeling that he wasn't fully capable of succeeding, so he always allows her to continue her excentricities, unless something forced him to take action.   
Kuno, on the other hand, was a wholy different situation. The teacher knew he was delusional, and had decided it was better to ignore him whenever possible. Anything else brought back that annoying migrane.   
For these two reasons, they were probably the only people in the class who could openly pass notes in class. Other students did it, and the teacher sometimes ignored it when he saw it. But Nabiki, Kuno, and the teacher maintained a level of honesty between them. Nabiki and Kuno didn't try to conceal their note passing, and the entire class knew he saw it. He just didn't think his teaching was going to waste if either the idiot or the brain wasn't paying attention.   
Today, Kuno was swathed in bandages, and reeked of some ointment. Only his head was uncovered, and it sported a rash on the underside of his nose, and a decidedly odd lack of hair.   
Nabiki started the conversation off with a note to Kuno. "I must say I was surprised seeing you running through the halls like that, yesterday."   
"I was attempting to learn despair, when the rest of my family tainted my noble actions." Kuno replied, using passable caligraphy.   
Nabiki's second note started "I never would have guessed. It looked to me like ...". Kuno read the rest of the note while his eyes got wider. Finally Kuno stood up and shouted at Nabiki. "I was not displaying my masochistic tendencies and bondage fettish with my manservant in public, in order to cement our bonds of love!"   
This was a bit much for the teacher to ignore. "Kuno, stand in the hall."   
Within five minutes of class ending, the entire school was gossipping.   
***   
"Kuno gets sexual pleasure from having men beat him up."   
"Do you think Ranma is his lover too?"   
"Kuno has to hire servants for kinky sex acts."   
"Whenever he was defeated by Akane or Ranma, he orgasmed?"   
"I thought he wanted Hinako-sensei, too."   
"I guess he likes being drained too."   
"I always knew Kuno was after Ranma's male side. He's always picking fights he can't hope to win."   
"Do you think Akane knew about Kuno's masochism?"   
"Nah, she beats up all men equally."   
"Kuno was using Akane for cheap thrills?"   
"I thought Kuno only liked men. He never tried to date a girl who might possibly like him."   
"I think it's really brave of him to publically profess his forbidden love of his servant."   
"It's not love, Kuno has to pay for it. Kuno loves only himself."   
"I wonder if Otome-kun would like it if I tied him up and whipped him?"   
"You think Hinako-sensei is into that? She'd look so hot in leather."   
"All that bokken-waving he does, it's just so Freudian."   
"Kuno is the sex-slave of the Kendo club."   
"So if a guy is always swinging a large phalic object, he might be overcompensating for a small... you know."   
"It doesn't matter how small it is, everyong knows Kuno is impotent."   
***   
During lunch, Ranma went to Nabiki's classroom, completely avoiding Kuno, who had more than enough problems of his own. he was carrying the three sheets of paper with him. "Hey Nabiki, I've an idea for a little insurance against the older martial artists in Anything Goes. I'd like your advice, and financing if you think it'll work, and I'll split it with you. If you don't like it, we won't do it."   
"Ok, Ranma, what are you up to now?"   
"Well, I made up a number of leaflets, one for each of them. I thought we'd print up a thousand each, and threaten to send them. We'd need a list of all of the major shrines and dojos in Japan, but I figure they've gotta be registered with the government someway, and that means you could dig up a list, I'm sure. Anyway, we don't have to hit them all, just alot. I was just picturing the look on my father's face, if I walked in with a hundred copies of his page, and let him see them. Here, read it yourself."   
Nabiki reads, chuckling at parts. "You want these as backup? Why not send out Happi's right away?"   
"Well, Happi's negates Soun's. Besides, Cologne has been drilling it into my head that you have to plan out when you want to fight as much as how. I want Happi's to hit him with the equivalent of a slap at the best moment, rather than a low grade annoyance."   
"OK, it's a deal. As long as I can fine tune the wording a bit. I'll make a thousand copies of each, that's a ream of paper for each of us. I can hide most of yours from our parents until you need it, and give you 100 each to make your point to them. Also, I want to see your father's face when he reads it the first time."   
"Great. How long will you need?"   
"I can have the fliers an hour after school lets out. An impressive list of addresses by tomorrow for bluffing our parents. I can have a good enough list by next week, and a work of art list by the end of the month."   
"That'll work fine. I'm going to call those electronics stores and photo shops and get a price on that strobe light. See you later."   
***   
Cologne was examining Ranma, when Ranma said "What I don't understand is why you allow all of this confusion. If your goal isn't really to get me married to shampoo, but to train Shampoo, why do it here, instead of in your village?"   
Cologne chuckles. "One of my goals. A main goal, but still only one of my goals. The answer lies in the way knowledge is passed. All of you teenaged martial artists are strong willed, but that's a disadvantage as well as an advantage. lets say that your father came across another spring on his way from Jhusenkyo to here. The spring is magical, but only works on people under 30 years old. Your father decides that it would make you a better martial artist, so he tries to throw you in, even though no one really knows what it will do. Would you let him?"   
"Of course not."   
"Your father would hound you to jump in. He'll try to trick you into it."   
"I can resist anything he throws at me."   
"So you'd never jump in?"   
"Of course not."   
"Even if you learned that some tribe, like the Musk dynasty used it to gain power?"   
"Of course not. They used the spring of drowned girl. No way I'd jump into it voluntarily."   
"But this spring is different."   
"Still I wouldn't jump in."   
"But what if your father was right?"   
"My father's an idiot."   
"Even an idiot can guess a coin toss correctly half of the time. Who's the bigger fool, the idiot? Or the man who'd jump off of a cliff if the idiot told him not to? You should ignore idiots, not fight them. Fighting them is just stubbornness. Never butt heads with a mountain goat."   
"Ok, but what does this have to do with teaching?"   
"If I told you that I knew you'd be happier if you married Shampoo immediately, would you do it? Even if I could show you all of the possibilities? You wont take my advice unless you want it. The older people learned from their youthful mistakes, and wish to pass on their advice, but the young ignore it, and repeat the mistakes. The only way to teach the stubborn is to put them in a situation where they want your advice. I could tell you in one sentence how to become twice the martial artist you are, and you'd laugh and ignore it."   
"Try me."   
"OK, let me use the memory erasing shampoo to lock away your martial arts skill for a year."   
"Are you crazy? How would that help?"   
"You rely too much on your skill, and ignore other strengths. Akane concentrates on her physical strength, and she did well for years until she found opponents she couldn't hit. You're still doing well, but there will be battles that you can't fight, and you aren't training for those. You improvise well when you have to, but you don't practice it. Lets use an exagerated analogy. Pretend there were a spring of drowned martial arts god, and whatever fell in got the body and skills of an invincible martial artist. Pretend I dropped a puppy in it. You couldn't outfight it, but Nabiki could get it to do whatever she wanted. That shows she has a skill that allows her to win when you couldn't. Since the puppy loves me, I can get it to do whatever I want. Is it a noble martial artist? No, it's a weapon, a catspaw. Become the best fighter, but you're badly ignoring other things you need to learn, and I'm not talking about schoolwork. Akane can destroy bricks and wood. You can defeat nearly anyone. But neither of you know how to get what you want. Using that as a measure, Nabiki and Kasumi are way ahead of you."   
"I told Akane that Kasumi had the perfect martial arts defence, but that was meant as a joke."   
"Her's is far from perfect, but she gets hit less often than you do inspite of your dodging and blocking."   
"So what do you reccommend? Besides loosing my martial arts for a year?"   
"Read a book on strategy. It doesn't matter if it's by Sun Tzu or Napoleon. Also read about how the non-fighters outsmart or outflank their opponents. Any time you let your opponent force you to fight, even if you win, you've lost somewhat, because he was able to force your hand. Figure out how to beat an opponent stronger than you, and leave the weaker ones alone. Learn where to use the smallest force in the right place to achieve your objectives. When you meet more powerful enemies, you'll need every advantage. And that's one way of measuring your strength.   
***   
As Ranma arrives home, his mother calls him aside. "Son, is there anything you want me to know while forming my decision about your engagements?"   
"No, mom. There are about 2 more major surprises left, but neither of them really affect the engagement issue."   
"Well then, I'll have an answer soon. When do you want to tell everyone."   
"Tell them all at the same time? They'll riot!"   
"If we tell them one at a time, there'll be a huge misunderstanding. Don't worry about a riot; Nabiki will be helping me with crowd control."   
"Ok mom. How about Saturday? That way people will stop asking me about who I'll date then. Does Nabiki know who it'll be?"   
Nodoka laughs, "Son, I don't know yet who it'll be."   
***   
Shortly thereafter, Ranma's father, in panda form, drags Ranma behind the dojo where he can transform and talk without Nodoka seeing him. "Son, tonight you are going to impress your mother with how manly you are."   
"And how did you expect me to do that?"   
"Why, by taking Akane out on a date, of course."   
"I thought I told you to stop making plans for me like that!"   
"Insolent boy! You'll obey your father! Oh how sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful son."   
"Why, I ought to ... Hmm. Pop, I'll be right back. Nabiki and I have something that I think will change your mind. Wait here, I'll get them."   
***   
"So, son, what do you have that could change my mind on this?"   
"Oh, just these fliers. We've got hundreds more. We're thinking on sending one to every shrine and dojo in Japan."   
"Let me see that, son." As Genma read his face became pale. Nabiki got several excellent snapshots of his expression, all the better to preserve the memory. Genma fearfully said, "You wouldn't send this? You wouldn't dare. It isn't true."   
"It isn't, but it could be. If you push me I'll make it true, and there wont be anywhere safe for you to live. It doesn't even have to be true to work."   
"You dare threaten your own father?"   
"Oh yes. It's a tradition of the Anything goes school, after all. Happosai threatens you; Soun threatens you; even Akane threatens you. I just figured I should uphold the tradition. We are a traditional family, after all."   
"You can't send this. It might kill me."   
"I'm spending tonight at home, and you will agree, wont you?"   
"We'll see."   
***   
Genma's flier read as follows:   
"To whom it may concern.   
"The Martial Artist known as Genma Saotome has been disowned from his family for numerous thefts. He has made numerous promises that he has no intention of repaying, and has stole numerous items ranging from food to people's livelihoods, and is not above stealing sacred items. He has travelled the country with his son Ranma Saotome, who is now tracking him down in order to make this ronin take responsibility for his actions.   
"He has previously trained with the martial arts master Happosai, a small ancient pervert, that is probably responsible for half of the thefts in Japan of women's undergarments. Genma has aided this man and may be considered his partner. If you see him, or if you have been wronged by him and want revenge, please contact the Saotome family, as they are coordinating the search.   
"He has been known to disguise himself as a panda, and uses this disguise to make his escapes. However hot water will cause the costume to fall apart. Be forewarned, he can don this costume at an astonishing speed, and it is very realistic. If you see a panda, walking around, we'd appreciate it if you would notify us."   
***   
After a short conference, Genma convinces Soun to confront Nabiki about helping Ranma avoid a date with Akane. "Nabiki, I must ask you to stop helping Ranma. He's using your help to keep from marrying Akane."   
"I'm sorry, daddy. I want to continue as I am doing."   
"I'm afraid I must insist!"   
"But you can't insist anymore. Remember that duel of honor you had that made Kasumi the head of the household?"   
"I'm still your father. You will stop out of respect for that."   
Nabiki smirks. "Ok, father. If you are sure that that is what you want, I'll do it out of respect for you. But I really think I can convince you that you don't want to insist. Has Genma outlined Ranma's proposed plan of papering Japan with fliers?"   
"Yes he has, and I want you to stop him."   
"If you insist. But if you insist, I'll send out my own flier. Here, read this."   
As Soun reads, he bursts into tears. "My own daughter! How could you do this?"  
"It's quite easy, actually. I guarantee success. It has the benefit of being entirely true, even if it is somewhat misleading. I assume you won't insist that I avoid helping my possible future brother-in-law as I see fit, right?"   
As Nabiki walks away, Soun cries a small river.   
Soun's flier read as follows:   
"To whom it may concern.   
"The Martial Artist known as Soun Tendo has been hiding and supporting the martial arts master Happosai.   
"Happosai is known to have stolen many antiques, especially those of a sacred, or magical history. He is also responsible for the rash of underware thefts that have been occuring for several months now. However he has never been caught, due to his speed at escape.   
"Soun Tendo started out as this pervert's disciple, hoping to learn his master's skills. Now he is Happosai's partner, supplying him with free room and board at the Tendo Dojo in Nerima. In addition he helps Happosai to store his thousands of stolen goods there. He has on several occasions prevented Happosai's detection or capture, and has been known to go on raids with him.   
"He is also trying to force the underage female members of his family into sexual relations with a stranger for monetary benefits, and permits his partner Happosai to fondle his daughters whenever he wishes. His family has tried to cover up his shameful behavior, but have been unable to prevent it."   
***   
Soun goes crying to Kasumi. "Kasumi! You have to talk to Nabiki! She's threatening to ruin me." If it weren't for all of his tears, perhapse Kasumi would have heard her father's side of the story. Instead she goes to Nabiki to ask her what happenned.   
Nabiki told her "He and Genma were trying to force Ranma and Akane out on a date. I think that things like that should be inspired out of love between the two people involved, so I helped Ranma out of their stupid plan. Then he tells me I shouldn't help our future brother-in-law out like that. Ranma's practically family, but daddy kept pushing me. I finally said if he pushed me I'd stop lying to the public for him. That's when he started crying that I was going to ruin him."   
"Is all that true?"   
"Yes, every word."   
"You did the right thing. I'll go talk to Daddy about this." Kasumi returns to the kitchen to find a hopeful Soun. "Is it true that this started as another attempt to force Ranma and Akane on a date?"   
"Well, yes, but that's not the most important part."   
"You were angry because she helped Ranma decide for himself who he dates, weren't you?"   
"Well, yes, but..."   
"Nabiki did the right thing. I'm afraid you're in the wrong on this one. I don't think you need to apologize to Nabiki as she seems content with the situation as it is, but you probably owe Ranma an apology. I'll leave it to you to decide if it's necessary."   
This, of course, sets off another soun Tendo crying fest.   
***   
Happosai's flier read as follows:   
"To whom it may concern.   
"The Martial Artist known as Happosai has been hiding at the Tendo Dojo in Nerima, by terrorizing the family to comply with his depraived will.   
"Happosai is known to have stolen many antiques, especially those of a sacred, or magical history. He has also been stealing food, invading women's baths, and he is also responsible for the rash of underware thefts that have been occuring for several months now.   
"Do not believe a word he says. For he tries to shift the blame of his actions on anyone who is handy. However he can always be distracted by a bra or female cleavage. Ranma Saotome has been able to slow him down, and foil many of his plans, but never for long. He will aid you, should you ask him, in defeating the monster.   
"Happosai is also responsible for the giant goblin that terrorized the area at the time that his local raids started, as well as being responsible for alot of the property damage in the Nerima area.   
"Happosai regularly fondles all of the young women in the area, and raids the girls locker rooms in highschools on a regular basis. As he is a grand master martial artist, no one has been able to stop him for long. So far, no one has reported becoming pregnant due to him.   
"If you have any grievance, he often returns to the Tendo Home, where he has the patriarch cowed into obesiance. Feel free to stake out the area in order to get a chance at him. Please have mercy on his victims who live in the area.   
***   
Happosai finally arrives at Jhusenkyo. "Ok, now. How do I make sure I can recurse Ranma? He ruins my best plans. I don't want to have to remake this trip again. How much water do I need? One cask or bucket should be enough if everything works according to plan. 2 casks? is one backup enough? How much could I get back to Japan? There's no real limit. Send it by several different routes so some will definitely succeed. Maybe I'm thinking too small. How would I deliver water to all of the males at his school? Double the number of young beauties in one shot. I wonder how much water the school's sprinkler system could hold ... " 


	17. Chapter 17

As Ranma and Akane run to school, Akane asks "What was all that about last night? Why was daddy crying?"   
"Aww. Our fathers were trying to force us on another date. Nabiki and I distroyed their plans."   
"Why would Nabiki keep our fathers from forcing us?"   
"Because I asked nicely. Also it provided her a source of amusement. You should get her to show you the photos she took of pop. He looked like I told him that after he died, he'd spend eternity with Happosai."   
"How can I get her to show me those prints? You know what she charges for photos."   
"It's worth it. I'm trying to decide if I want her to blow one of them up for me."   
***   
Soun and Genma met for a conference of war. "We have a serious problem, Saotome."  
"I can't understand it. He's outmanuvering us. I taught him all of his life to solve his problems through fighting. He shouldn't even think of these methods."  
"Someone's got to be coaching him. Do you think it's Nabiki?"  
"No, I asked her that last night. It cost me nearly all my sake money. She's enjoying working with Ranma, but she isn't teaching him. He's thinking up these things on his own. Nabiki is even puzzled over how he's managed to change so much."  
"For him to have learned so much, he has to be spending alot of time training with someone. He's been going to the Nekohanten every day, supposedly for medical checkups. It has to be them. Either them, or Dr. Tofu.  
"Dr. Tofu wouldn't be training him like this. Let's go to the Nekohanten and confront them. It's scandalous how they are undermining my son's respect for his father!"  
***   
As classes end for lunch, Ranma stops fiddling with his 100 yen coins. He had spent the entire class fiddling with three or four of them, making them appear and dissappear, and walk along his knuckles. As classes passed, Ranma was acting more and more tired and sad.   
By lunchtime, all the energy he had that morning while running to class seemed to have drained out of him, although the prospect of food did seem to brighten his mood. Still, Ranma ate listlessly. Granted, he didn't have to defend his food from his father, and there were no apparent interruptions about to occur, but Ranma had long been in the habbit of wolfing doun his food, before something unexpected could happen.   
***   
Soun and Genma enter, and yell at Shampoo, "We demand to see your great-grandmother!"  
Cologne enters with a frown. "Shampoo, go to the kitchen and watch the food on the stove. Now then, what can I do for you?"  
"Have you been training my son during his so-called medical exams?"  
"I haven't taught him any new techniques for some time. I did suggest a new training regimen. His speed is still way below his theoretical maximum."  
"We don't mean martial arts. We mean all of these tricks he keeps playing on us. You're teaching him strategies so he can defy his parents and refuse to marry Akane!"  
"I have been exercising his mind in regards to strategy, but if he's using those skills to oppose you, that is merely an unexpected bonus. I haven't applied the slightest pressure on him in over two weeks."  
"We demand that you stop teaching him strategy!"  
All noise in the Nekohanten ceased. No noises came from the kitchen. After a few seconds, where Soun and Genma have begun to realise that they were in over their heads, Cologne said "Wait here."  
She briefly went into the kitchen, and emerged with a small tray, holding an odd-looking root. "This root is the only sample I have. I want you to fully understand what is going to happen. This root is a vital part of an old, and severe curse..." Cologne is interrupted in her speech by Genma grabbing it, and consuming it whole. "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, once the victim voluntarily consumes the root, the curse is set. Genma, you will now suffer the full effects. Listen to the full explanation of the curse, or you shall surely die.  
"The curse is called `Gaki doom`. From now on, you must acquire all of your food by the sweat of your brow. Any other food is tainted, and will not stay down. Eating a single seed of tainted food will void your entire meal. You can't eat anything that has been given, granted, or stolen. If anyone has the slightest claim on the food, or the money that provided it, or anything someone else, like your son, does to help you get the food, then it is tainted. If you wait too long, and become too weak to earn your own food, then you will surely die, since you can no longer receive any charity."  
Soun look at Cologne "That's... That's diabolical! I don't think I have seen him honestly earn his food since before we met Happosai!"  
Cologne responds "I couldn't have done it if he didn't steal the root from me, and eat it."  
Genma shouts "But, you're too fast to let me get the root. You intended me to steal it!"  
"That I did, sonny. There is, of course a cure, but you wont get it from me, even using your dreaded 'crouch of the wild tiger.' Now get out of here before I tell Shampoo to challenge the Tendo patriarch for the right to marry Ranma. By your rules you'd have to accept, and either void Akane's claim by losing, or take Ranma's place by winning."  
Soun looks agast, "You wouldn't!"  
"You cower before Happosai, who's just a senile pervert. I match his skill, and add a mind that runs an army of fighters. Get out of here, before I convince you to give me all four of your children for my tribe!"  
***  
After the fathers leave, Shampoo comes out of the kitchen. "That was great. Pandaman is in big trouble."  
"There's one more step needed for revenge. You have to tell three other people about this. Ranma has to hear it from us before his father creates some lie to make him our enemy. You will also tell Ukyou."  
"But why Ukyou?"  
"She hates Genma more than anyone else. She is also a worthy adversary. If she weren't after Ranma, I'd consider training her. Always be generous to your foes when it costs you nothing."  
"All right, but who's the third person?"  
"The third person isn't necessary, This is a test of how well you deal with cleverer people. If you want to eventually be my heir, you'll have to deal with other elders, and it's bad form to attack them to get what you want.   
Cologne continues, "I want you to sell the information to Nabiki for as much as you can get. Remember, choose your time well. You've got to inform Ranma first, and you have to tell Ukyou before Nabiki, and Nabiki before she knows she can find out from the first two."   
***   
After lunch, Ranma was being bored out of his mind. Tired, but for some reason, unable to fall asleep, Ranma was forced to listen to his teachers' lectures. Neither doodling, nor practicing with the coins had any appeal. Time seemed to be measured out in a horrendous number of long intervals.   
Even the idea of school ending for the day, failed to elicit any joy from him. It wasn't something he was really looking forward to; it was just the removal of one of the annoyances that he was suffering through. None of the things he normally looked forward to seemed worth it. The food he had at lunch was up to Kasumi's usual standards, but he didn't appreciate it. He knew he'd have several hours that evening for martial arts training, but that thought didn't help his mood any.   
He was sitting through class because it was expected of him. He had no where else that he'd rather be, except maybe asleep, but even that refuge was being denied him. Luckily, he knew that this mood must eventually pass. His life was too chaotic for him to go for long without some adrenaline-inducing fight occurring. But even the thought of a good fight failed to interest Ranma. He'd just as likely avoid one if he could.   
Come to think of it, he hadn't had that many fights since the one where Peroxide had died, and he had acquired the `dead man's coin'. Kuno's been acting really wierd, but leaving him alone. Mousse is waiting to see what will happen, and planning on how he'll sweep Shampoo up after Ranma's mother decides what should be done. The girls were trying to avoid doing anything that would make a bad impression on his mother, and Ryouga was trying to deal with Ranma's threats.   
Besides, with the coin and his new reflexes, the only people who could give him a decent fight were Happosai, and Cologne. One was missing, and the other was acting as his doctor.   
***   
The entire class was startled when Shampoo leapt through an open window with bonbori in hand. Shampoo turned to the teacher and said "Sorry to interrupt. I need to speak to Ranma and Ukyou. Either with your permission, or by starting a big fight."  
The teacher may have been shocked, but he wasn't stupid. "Okay... Ranma and Ukyou have permission to leave the classroom as long as they promise to try to prevent fights. I'd look pretty bad if I excused you from class, and you got into a fight."  
Ranma and Ukyou stood up, and said "Thank you, sensei",   
Akane jumped up, and demanded "Hey! What about me!"  
Shanpoo looked at Akane and said "The message is for Ranma and Ukyou, but it isn't secret. come along if you want."  
Akane looked to her teacher, "Can I, Sensei?"  
"Yes, Yes. Go and let me teach. All students that can accidentally cause major property damage are now excused."  
***   
"Ok, Shampoo, what's up?"  
"Ranma's father came to Nekohanten. He yelled at great grandmother to stop teaching Ranma. Great grandmother very angry. She brought out a root I never saw before. Cologne said she'd use it to curse Genma, so Genma ate it. But that's what great grandmother wanted. Eating it gave Genma the 'Gaki doom' curse. Ancient amazon curse for thieves and worthless sister-in-laws that spend all day on your couch. Great grandmother wanted me to tell Ranma so he knows the truth, and Ukyou so she can get revenge on the panda if she want."  
Ukyou's eyes light up "What's the curse?"  
"If panda eat the wrong food, he can't keep anything down. Great grandmother said even one tainted seed would make him loose his whole dinner. Panda can only eat food he earns, or buys with money he earns. No charity, no stolen food, no trickery, no promises for later, no promises that Ranma do something. Good food is only made by hard work."  
"He can't steal food from me?"  
"Ukyou, you can tempt him with food, give it to him, he can't enjoy it. If he give it away, he can't use it to get good food. Great grandmother said you deserve to know. Your revenge on him helps our revenge."  
***  
Genma and Soun had retreated to lick their wounds over a game of shogi. Kasumi came in and offered them their regular cup of tea. Soun thanked his daughter, as he always did, The panda just stared at the board. Until he took a sip of tea, and had to run for the toilet. An ill looking panda emerged, and met Kasumi, who was carrying a glass of water. "I heard you aren't well, so I brought you a glass of water to wash the taste out of your mouth. The panda took the glass, and gulped it down. And then dropped the glass as he ran back into the lavatory.  
***  
Shampoo knocked on the door to Nabiki's classroom. When the teacher answered it, She said in a voice loud enough to be heard throughout the classroom "Shampoo has vital information for the Tendo mercenary."  
The teacher gives a weary sigh. "Tendo, you may clear this up, try not to disrupt class."  
Nabiki left, and walked away from the classroom door. "Ok Shampoo, what is it?"  
"Great grandmother cast a magic curse this morning. It affects your homelife."  
"Who'd she cast it on?"  
"Great grandmother will not be happy if I give this information away."  
"So what will this cost me?"  
"Well, If I ask too much, you'll just get even next time I need to buy information, but you can just sell it to other people to make your money back. So since you can resell it, how about twice what you normally charge me?"  
"Twice? Before I pay that much I want to know how many people know about it."  
"I told Ranma and Ukyou already."  
"Hey, they're my most likely market. I wont be able to resell it. I'll pay you the usual amount for it. Why'd you tell Ukyou?"  
"That's more information. I'll tell you why I told Ukyou if you buy information for 150%. I'll even answer any questions relating to the event that I know, including my talk with Ranma and Ukyou."  
"All right. spill it."  
"Your and Ranma's father came to Nekohanten, and Yelled at great grandmother, so she brought out a root and said ..."  
***  
Cologne greats Shampoo when she returns to the Nekohanten "So Shampoo, how did it go?"  
"I told Ranma and Ukyou together during their class. I asked their teacher nicely and didn't break anything.Akane insisted on listening in. I said it was alright, Then while class was still going, I told Nabiki. I asked 200%, I said she could resell it. I goofed, and told her that I already told Ranma and Ukyou. I didn't mention Akane because she just listened in. She said 100% and asked why we told Ukyou. I offered 150% and offered to answer any questions about today. She agreed."  
"Not bad. You could have gotten 200% if you did better, but you did better than 100%, and giving away this information was to our advantage. You have much to learn, but you have already made a good start."  
**  
After school, Ranma proceeded to his daily checkups. Tofu suggested that his mood might be due to his recent speed training. Apparently it isn't uncommon for an athlete, pushing themselves farther than they are accustomed, to have melancholy mood swings while their body becomes accustomed to the new level of exertion. The flip-side to the mental chemical cocktail called a `runner's high'.   
All Tofu could really do, was reccommend again that he had other people warn him if he was exceeding his own limits, and that he continue to make sure he treated his health more carefully than he had while he had been growing up. Tofu was still worried that Ranma would use the effects of the coin to push himself so far that he might burn out his life in one phyrric blast.   
Cologne dismissed him quickly, when it became apparent that his heart wasn't in any of the speed tests she gave him. "Go home, and get a good night's sleep. You aren't any good condition for yourself, or anyone else, the way you are right now.   
***   
Meanwhile, Soun and Genma were spending Genma's sake money on bags of groceries. On the way home, he bites into an apple that he had just purchased, and finds that he just can't keep it down.  
Genma raises his signs "I don't understand it. I paid for all of this food. It should be alright!"  
"And we only used your money. Was it all from your job at Tofu?"  
Genma looked miserable. "I borrowed money from Ranma last week. Now I'm out of money."  
"All this food, and you can't eat any of it. Well, you might as well give it to Kasumi."  
"I can't. I'll starve. I've got to sell this stuff and buy fresh."  
"If you sell this stuff, the money will be tainted, and anything you buy will be also. This food can do you no good. Did you figure out why the water you drank made you sick?"  
"I can drink it if I get it myself, but if Kasumi brings it to me, then I can't."  
***  
After a listless dinner, during which Genma tried to eat six times, Ranma went up to bed, and spent an hour staring at the ceiling, before finally falling asleep. 


End file.
